


Oneshots & Drabbles

by ntheonlycha



Category: VIXX
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-20
Updated: 2018-01-20
Packaged: 2019-03-07 07:18:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 50,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13429674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ntheonlycha/pseuds/ntheonlycha
Summary: This is a series of old stories that I've written from 2014 to 2016. All originally posted on Tumblr, but I thought it was time to move them over. These are in order of date with the newest first since I'm hoping you'll get bored before you reach the earliest ones... I'm embarrassed of so many of them! No new stories will be added here.





	1. Alive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title: Alive  
> Rating: pg-13 (maybe light r)  
> Pairing: wontaek  
> Words: 5153  
> Originally posted: 05/14/16
> 
> {”His voice comes out small. “What if I don’t want to wait until after your third wife divorces you?””}

There’s a clump of dust that keeps blowing in and out of his vision. It’s distracting, gliding like a speck against his peripheral, but he doesn’t exactly have the energy right now to catch it or swat it away. The subtle sounds in the room become much stronger when he lifts the large headphones off his ears to rest against his neck: the humming, fans spinning, his lungs breathing. He’s stiff, stretching his arms and leaning his head back over the headrest of his chair. He’s long lost his sense of time, but it has to be morning already. Yet another all-nighter.

He’s got a clock behind him, ticking lightly on its own every other second, but he rarely ever pays attention enough to hear it. The hands edge against the 5 o’clock mark and Wonsik decides to call it. It’s nearly dawn.

He’s not alone, though. Sometimes the other members will also stay this late—well, early at this point—or trainees will play around in the morning hours, but this time it’s Taekwoon’s voice that echoes softly throughout the building. He’s singing loudly, straining his vocals as if to push his abilities to greater limits, but Wonsik believes he’s not going to get very far if he doesn’t give himself a good rest every once and a while. He’s been at this for hours already. But then again, who’s Wonsik to say anything? He’s just as bad with taking breaks, if not worse.

So he leaves his phone, jacket, everything behind as he slowly follows the voice back into their main dance studio. Taekwoon stops immediately once Wonsik pushes the door open. The walk was short, but he already wants to collapse. He’s getting too old for this.

“Hey,” Taekwoon says, unplugging his phone from the speakers.

“Hey,” Wonsik returns with an easy smile. “Hyung, let’s take a break. Want to watch the sunrise with me?”

 

When it’s just the two of them, Taekwoon almost never says no. Wonsik recommends taking a walk, but Taekwoon convinces him the roof will provide a better view. They walk up flight after flight of stairs despite there being an elevator available. He simply follows despite his body’s current condition, tagging closely behind the the elder. Wonsik’s breathing heavily by the time they’re at the top. His legs feel weak, his stomach empty and aching.

So he jolts at the loud, sudden banging of Taekwoon’s body slamming into the door once, twice, over and over again.

“It’s never been locked before,” he claims with a grunt, although Wonsik’s never been up there to even begin disputing that. He hears a crack from the frame that Taekwoon must not have even registered that’s alarming enough for him to shout at the elder to stop. He does quickly, taking a step back to allow Wonsik through, to take his own shot at it.

The handle turns enough to make Wonsik believe it’s not really locked, but even with his side pushed into the door, it doesn’t give.

“I can go back down and look for a key,” Taekwoon offers loosely behind him.

Wonsik bends his knees, hunching his body down in such a way that the position is nearly relieving. “It’s not locked. I think it’s just stuck.”

Warm hands hold into his shoulders curiously as he turns the knob slowly, focusing his pressure in different directions, jiggling his wrist in order to get some sort of feel for what the issue is.

There’s a silent minute where he works on this, pushing his weight against the door until it budges slightly. “Got it,” he breathes out behind gritted teeth. “Push with me.”

And they get it open within a second after that. Taekwoon stumbles forward, leaning completely against the door as he grins up brightly at Wonsik. The morning air is humid and dewy, making it thick within his lungs as he coughs. Wonsik thinks that’s probably the reason the door became so stuck in the first place, but he still wedges the stopper underneath it so they won’t get locked out—stuck up there with no cell phones.

He turns back around and Taekwoon is gone, already around the corner where the air conditioners and antennas sit. This roof isn’t exactly designed for leisure. Everything is just as gray and colorless as the stairwell, dead leaves spewed around, and spiderwebs flourishing in the tight corners.

“Should I be concerned that we’ll get in trouble for being on the roof?”

“There aren’t any cameras up here,” Taekwoon responds passively, not exactly answering Wonsik’s question, but still making him feel better about it.

“And how do you know that?”

Taekwoon turns around, taking short, backwards steps. “We used to smoke up here.”

“You don’t anymore, right?” He catches himself asking immediately, even when he’s already aware of the answer, adding, “We?”

Taekwoon glances towards him, face soft and expression momentarily childlike, and he knocks a fist lightly against Wonsik’s chest. “Of course not.”

He doesn’t touch on the second question that was asked. If their relationship was a little different, maybe he’d feel more comfortable spilling other’s secrets, sharing more of anything and everything with Wonsik, but it’s not. So Wonsik doesn’t push it, although he is still curious. “Good,” he scoffs at the elder’s actions, smiling easily in a mix of fondness and relief.

Taekwoon walks ahead of him again, heading towards the roof’s ledge. The sky is still dark, stars giving off the last of their nightly twinkles as they fade away into the ever bluing sky. He stands beside Taekwoon quietly, letting his knuckles grip the top poll of the fence. It’s high, but they are both tall enough to lean over it without strain.

“You know I stopped right after we debuted. I had a purpose to keep my voice,” he adds softly, minutes after their last words were spoken.

Wonsik gazes at him as Taekwoon leans his chin over the ledge, his pointed nose facing down off the side. His hair is a warm shade of dark brown, gently fading back to black closest to his roots, soft and pretty as the cool breeze blows through it. Wonsik has the familiar urge to touch it, to touch him, but his fingers only make it up to resting on Taekwoon’s shoulder, though. “Don’t say it like that…”

“I never got addicted or anything. I just stopped one day and then never went back to them again. I tried once last year, though, and just vomited because my body rejected it,” he snickers down into his words.

“Where was I when that happened?”

He shrugs Wonsik’s hand off, but it still glides slowly down Taekwoon’s back before returning to the younger’s side. “Probably sleeping.”

Wonsik chuckles slightly, watching Taekwoon slide the toes of his shoes underneath the bottom rod of the railing. It’s sturdy, iron, probably, but the gaps between the rods aren’t exactly small, and Wonsik finds himself saying, “Don’t fall.”

“Don’t worry,” Taekwoon returns lightly, retreating his arms back inward. “I don’t want to die. That—would be quite a fall.”

He’s slightly reluctant about the question that immediately forms in his mind, but the words still come out smoothly as he asks in a whisper, “Have you ever wanted to?”

Taekwoon’s peaceful expression fades following that, causing Wonsik to momentarily regret his decision to let his own emotional thoughts verbalize. He looks directly into Wonsik’s eyes, blinking away through their silence before giving his answer with a stride of confidence to his tone. “Not really. I’ve never planned on giving up that easily.”

The stillness following leaves an uncomfortable chill through Wonsik’s spine. Taekwoon goes back to looking down at the parking lot below instead of at the sky, the sun, really, what they were originally out here for. “The sun is rising on the other side of the building, you know,” he points out.

“What would you do if I did fall?” Taekwoon begins despite what Wonsik had just said, asking while climbing just one of his feet securely up into the fence. He’s not moving quickly and Wonsik’s sure he’s not going to make any sudden leaps, but still, he immediately hooks an arm around the elder’s waist. “Would you catch me?”

Wonsik thinks there’s no possible way to answer correctly under these conditions, so he goes with his guttural reaction, pulling back on Taekwoon’s middle to ease him onto two feet again. “I would try my best to. Worst comes to worst, I’d dive off after you in hopes I might be able to grab you and flip us so you don’t get as hurt.”

“We’d both die,” he notes after a hushed pause, taking Wonsik’s wrist delicately, pulling until his arm outstretches, and observing it with a small twist. “There’s more of you to break.”

He’s not entirely sure what Taekwoon fully means by that, but he frowns as tingles spread up from where the elder’s fingers hold him. “I mean, I’d do just about anything for you.”

And Taekwoon looks at him again, expression almost unamused, but certainly not unaffected. His front teeth nip lightly at the corner of his bottom lip as he turns away silently.

 

Wonsik follows Taekwoon to the east side of the rooftop. They can’t see the sun from behind the tall, looming buildings in the close distance, but the sky gradients orange to pink to blue from the little they can make out. The glimpses are pretty, but quite disappointing blocked by the darkened city shadows. They lean against the railing again, quietly, because there doesn’t seem to be much to say. Morning birds chirp and fly over, stealing Taekwoon’s attention as his neck turns to watch them, but Wonsik remains still in his spot. Exhaustion is really beginning to affect him. He’s scolded himself not to do this anymore, to make sure he gets at least some sleep, and yet his habits aren’t changing. He wonders if Taekwoon does the same. The elder really doesn’t appear tired. His face looks soft, eyes fluttering back down once the birds he was following are long gone. He taps his foot against a support beam.

“Want to lie down?” Taekwoon asks suddenly, looking off at where the sun is hidden.

Wonsik blinks. “How did you know?”

“You’re slumping.”

 

So they find a clear spot on the roof and kick small stones and accumulated dirt to the side. Wonsik’s not even worried about the filth since they’ll be showering in just a few hours, anyway. He wishes there was a blanket or something since the cold concrete stings against his skin, but Taekwoon doesn’t complain.

They lay beside one another. They’re not that close; Wonsik doesn’t even sense his body heat against him. He stares up, eyes half lidded because it’s easier against the lightening world, and breathes out a deep sigh. There isn’t much to look at this way.

“Do you think we’ll be doing this forever?” Taekwoon questions lightly against his side.

Wonsik releases a choked laugh. “I don’t think my body can take it for much longer.”

“No,” he corrects softly. “I meant, do you think you’ll still be doing any of this in ten years? Fifteen?”

“I don’t know. I kind of figure I’ll be—like—married with a family or something by then, right?” Wonsik says without much initial thought.

A slight pause trails that nearly has him looking over before Taekwoon adds, “It’s strange to think about us doing anything different. We’ll be on our own.”

There’s something sad complimenting the elder’s tone that bites at Wonsik’s insides. “You can’t just leave my life after. Even if we’re not doing group activities anymore, I’ll still want to see you,” Wonsik states firmly, even when he probably shouldn’t have said anything more.

“What if I don’t?” Taekwoon questions first quickly, considerably slowing his words as he follows up with, “What if I stay with you?”

Wonsik grins a little bit at Taekwoon’s sudden excitement. His own begins to boil within his chest. “It will be fun. We’ll do fun things together.”

“Like what?” Taekwoon murmurs, pure wonderment fluttering subtly behind his voice.

It’s too hard to stop his desires from coming out when he’s this exhausted, this peaceful with himself. “We can hang out and eat good food. You know, try new things together.”

“What else?” Taekwoon digs.

“More fun things.”

“A waterpark.”

“Okay. And music museums.”

“Let’s go to the mountains.”

“I’ll take you to New Zealand. You’ve always wanted to go there, right?”

“I want to go to lots of places.”

“Then I’ll go with you to all of them.”

“Ireland?”

“Yes.”

“Mexico?”

“Yes,” Wonsik repeats instantly, barely even registering the name of the place. Location really doesn’t matter.

And then Taekwoon asks, “Where do you want to go?”

It’s an easy question. One he’s thought about so many times in the past, never thinking he’d ever get the opportunity to say it out loud. “Let’s go back to China together.”

And like some form of calming magic, Taekwoon goes along with it. “Okay. And what would we do when we get to these places?”

“I don't—Beaches? Sightseeing? Probably get lost and fumble our way through communicating with locals.”

Taekwoon sighs loudly, approving. “That sounds about right.”

“What else?”

“Whale watching.”

“Of course,” Wonsik laughs out, letting it linger as he follows with, “How could I forget that one?”

Taekwoon’s unfazed, serious and deep in thought. “Cliff diving and hang gliding—and snowboarding.”

So it makes Wonsik mimic his tone, lowering his voice in concentration. “Keep going.”

“Let’s take surfboarding lessons, too.”

“I’m sure that will go well.” That one makes him laugh again.

But Taekwoon doesn’t stop. “I want to see the stars.”

“We saw them this morning.”

“No, I want to go somewhere where it’s naturally dark, where their lights shine brightly and clearly.”

“Alright.”

“And we can look at them together,” he says softy.

His nails angle into the rough concrete as a gentle wind hits his side. His body feels so light and tingly that he wonders if he’ll simply blow away. “Right, I’ll be with you.”

“Can we kiss?” Taekwoon asks slowly, as if he’s hesitant as to how far Wonsik will let him take this.

But it’s Wonsik that’s already too far gone at this point, too immersed and plunged down into this pleasant dream. “Yeah,” comes out naturally, breathy.

Taekwoon continues directly after, like their weak barrier has been broken and the little cautionary hiccup has surpassed quickly enough that it almost never happened. “Then we’ll do that a lot. In all the places we go, during all the things we do.”

Wonsik only hums in agreement.

“And then when we get tired, we can rest together—we can sleep together.”

“In the same bed?” Wonsik has to clarify, has to know.

“Yeah,” comes out just as smoothly as Wonsik’s did earlier, like Taekwoon didn’t even need the extra second to think of an answer.

And he can’t seem to hold back. He’s so tired, so happy, so overwhelmed with curiosity and solidifying dreams. “Will you let me touch you?” He asks, biting his cheek slightly after the last syllable. 

“If I can touch you as well.”

His eyes shut calmly, taking it all in. “Where?”

“Everywhere.”

This is where he has to roll his neck, tilt his head towards Taekwoon who’s already facing him, lips parted, curving with anticipation.

“Even…” He starts, waving his hand in a circular motion below his abdomen. Taekwoon hums while his smile grows. “Will we have sex—”

“—Intercourse?” Taekwoon finishes his sentence at the same time. There’s a moment where they both blink at one another.

“—Sure.” His heartbeat feels extremely strong immediately following that.

“A lot.”

“A lot?” He repeats back to Taekwoon, eyes widening in amazement.

Taekwoon nods, face glowing a little darker than it was earlier.

“Lots of sex, got it.” He snaps back, gesturing himself writing that down on notepad in the air because he knows the act will make Taekwoon smile. “Why so much?”

“We’ll need to make up for all the lost time.”

“Right, right.” There’s no more barrier at this point. No more walls to be broken. And Wonsik loves every moment of it. “How do you think our first time will happen? Oh, what if we did it in a jacuzzi?”

“Um,” Taekwoon releases lowly, clearly not enjoying the idea of that scenario the same way Wonsik is.

But Wonsik keeps going, thinking. His mind feels loopy, going way too fast and way too slowly at the same time. “On one of the beaches we’ll visit?”

“No,” the elder shuts that one down firmly.

“A boat? Maybe we’ll take a cruise and get frisky.”

Taekwoon laughs at that, a light, easy laugh that simultaneously lifts Wonsik up and slows him down. “Okay.”

“And then what?” He continues, tone already calmer.

Taekwoon’s still just as quick. “I’ll rub your back until you fall asleep.”

“But I’ll want to hold you.”

“You can stop me first, then.”

Wonsik inhales an audible, soft gasp that subconsciously comes out sounding more like a pleased moan than anything. The picture being created within his mind is so vivid and real that he pauses, blinking his eyes shut, and asks probably the most appropriate question during the moment. “Will we sleep a lot?”

“Yeah,” Taekwoon confirms sternly, and Wonsik’s already moving his hands to take more imaginary notes on it. “We need to make up for all the lost time for that as well.”

Wonsik sighs with an internal shake striking his breath, dropping his arms back down by his sides. “Sounds nice.”

Taekwoon makes a small noise that’s not quite a scoff, but also not a laugh. “It would be nice, wouldn’t it?”

Wonsik smiles sadly, glancing over to see Taekwoon looking at back him. He bends his elbow out against the hard ground, silently offering his hand over to the elder. Taekwoon does that same, brushing their fingers together lightly with their palms up. Wonsik’s thumb runs alongside Taekwoon’s until their fingers hook together loosely within the air. Even his littlest touch feels so warm.

“Even just this is nice.”

That causes Taekwoon’s face to scrunch up sadly, but he tries to hide it. He sits up quickly, pulling on Wonsik’s hand until they’re both on their feet again. “We can see the sun now.”

 

So he’s sluggishly lead back to the east side of the building. The sun is peeking out about a quarter of the way above the neighboring apartment complex. Wonsik feels warmer just taking his small glances at it or maybe it’s from their hands still being held together—because there really isn’t a reason the let them fall. Maybe Taekwoon still thinks he’s supporting Wonsik. Maybe they both have the same thing in mind.

“It’s pretty,” Taekwoon says, smiling up at Wonsik in a way that’s even prettier. He’s shining even when then sunshine itself only catches the very tips of his hair. Wonsik nods in agreement.

They stand there against the railing, observing as the sun slowly inches more and more into view. Taekwoon’s watching him more than the daily miracle happening within the sky. Wonsik’s not looking back, but he can tell, he can sense him tugging slightly at his arm.

Everything’s calm and quiet. The birds are back at it again, there’s a car honking down a block, and murmurs of people waking up from their full night sleeps are all he’s taking in besides long, deep breathes. The air finally seems to be thinning out. Taekwoon leans on his side lightly, bumping him until he reacts.

His voice comes out small. “What if I don’t want to wait until after your third wife divorces you?”

“Third wife?” Wonsik bursts out immediately into an offended laughter. “My first wife won’t divorce me. I’ll be a good husband.” Taekwoon gives no response and after two replays in his mind, Wonsik understand why. “What do you mean wait? Wait until what?”

“Until you crack and realize you don’t want to live like that anymore.”

Wonsik freezes, unsure of what to say to that. Taekwoon’s beginning to jab at his dream bubble, their dream bubble. “Well, what about you? Second divorce?” He jokes, but Taekwoon doesn’t laugh.

“Ah.”

His grip on Wonsik’s hand tightens slightly, just enough for him to notice. “You’ll be a great husband, too,” he attempts to soothe.

Taekwoon’s glancing down at his sleeve as he asks as hypothetically as anything they’ve talked about tonight, “What if I don’t get married?”

“Can you not? Won’t your parents hound you?” He responds, concern hinting through his voice from the buildup in his throat.

“Probably. I’m the only son.”

“So am I.”

He has a love hate relationship with these conversations they often dive deep into. There’s a thrill to them, wonder and hope blended so sweetly with love and desire. But then there’s the hate where is almost becomes pure torture rather than any little bit of relief. 

He’s in too much thought, saddening himself by just thinking about everything as Taekwoon asks another question. Softly, tenderly, with more care than fight to his voice. “Will you love her?”

“Who?” Wonsik momentarily draws a blank.

“Your wife,” Taekwoon clarifies, leaning his hip against the fence.

Wonsik’s watching him, licking his lips as he thinks, as he says what he can only wish for. “I hope so.”

There’s a pause where Taekwoon stares at him, eyes nearly glaring, but his expression is still and unyielding. He pulls his hand back, momentarily disturbing Wonsik’s wavering attention, and asks, “Do you love me?”

But Wonsik’s not fazed, not even taken aback in the slightest. “Yeah,” he admits effortlessly, “I do.”

Taekwoon blinks up at him, face relaxed and softened, and he feels a chill that’s not dispersing, shaking within his chest until it begins to ache uncomfortably. They’ve talked about this before, spent many nights being nothing but honest. Their feelings for one another aren’t secrets.

But they have agreed not to ignore them, really, just to not act on them. He has a rule with himself, he thinks. ‘Nothing you wouldn’t do with the other members.’

It’s the easiest to hide when there isn’t anything to hide. Because there’s nothing between them. Nothing they have ever let happen, at least. So there’s no substance to any accusations that may arise, nothing to deny. The deeper meanings of their words and scenarios are there within them, but any proof is as real as the notepad Wonsik has been writing them down in.

Taekwoon is gazing down over the fence again, almost exactly like he was earlier in the morning, except this time he’s letting his fingers wave into the open air. Wonsik often thinks about what it would truly be like to hold him, touch him, kiss him, fuck him, and love him the proper way. He knows Taekwoon does. He’s told him. These types of conversations aren’t as rare as Wonsik considers they probably should be, but they never change anything. It’s sometimes sad, he thinks, how he’s so used to the held feelings, to the repression, that he wouldn’t even know where to begin if he were to just suddenly give up. Maybe he really will go through three marriages, but God, he hopes not. He doesn’t really know what the right thing to do is.

 

“Can I kiss you?” Taekwoon asks after a few more silent minutes. He turns his head towards Wonsik, eyes curious, but finally showing his physical exhaustion clearly.

“No.”

“Can I kiss you?” He repeats against Wonsik’s frowning expression. His feet step closer, but Wonsik doesn’t react much.

“No,” he says again, a little quieter this time.

But then Taekwoon’s hands brush against his jaw, leading him in just slightly until he can feel the elder’s breaths hitting his skin. “Can I kiss you?”

“Taekwoon…”

“Can I kiss you?” He weakly gives one last try.

It’s hard, very hard. Taekwoon’s not even looking at him anymore even when their faces are so close, foreheads lightly bumping together. “No.”

He thinks that it’s over, that Taekwoon’s energy is fully drained just like his is, but there’s a quick yank on his wrist that has him stumbling forward. Taekwoon’s nearly dragging him away from the ledge, back to where they had first forced the door open.

“Hyung—,” he starts urgently, missing a step and tripping over his own feet.

“Remember what you said over there?” Taekwoon stops, voice a little harsher, but still coming out more hurt than angered. He points over past the air conditioners. “Did you forget it already?”

Wonsik blinks at him, dumbfounded almost, remembering them discussing Taekwoon’s past smoking adventures, him falling, and—

Taekwoon doesn’t allow him anymore wasted time. “You said you would die for me. You said you would do ‘just about anything’ for me. So will you kiss me? Or is that not a part of the ‘just about anything’ you mentioned earlier?”

His mouth falls open, but no words come out. Taekwoon smirks sadly, lasting only for a moment before dropping Wonsik’s wrist and spinning around to walk slowly towards the door. But he stops before he ever makes it there. “The consequences of you dying for me are much worse. You’re dead. Done. Gone.”

He manages to catch up a few steps, mildly frustrated as to why Taekwoon keeps bringing up such a morbid topic. “Taekwoon—”

“But that won’t happen if we just kiss. In fact, it will be good. You’ll still be alive. You’ll have to live with the consequences—you’ll have to deal with them because I won’t let you forget. I’ll still be alive, too. And I’ll be doing the exact same.”

Wonsik’s face falls and he catches it within his palm with a groan. He can’t seem to say anything, but he knows that’s not what Taekwoon wants, anyway. “Come here,” he ultimately mumbles.

Taekwoon takes a hesitant step back towards him before pausing, staring, but Wonsik doesn’t let any more time go by. He meets Taekwoon in the center of the roof, tugging at the back of his neck until the elder fumbles forward, pressing their warmth together into an emotional, tight embrace.

His memory of looking up at the bright stars once they had busted the roof door open replays within his hazy vision alongside each blink. It’s amazing, relieving, with his arms wound securely around Taekwoon and the elder’s just the same around him. Yet his heart feels strained. Because, somehow, holding one another like this feels worse. 

He finds this strange comfort in the unknown, in concluding he’ll never know if he’ll like being with Taekwoon. He won’t know if his kiss will be sweet, will feel good against his lips, and he can live with that. He thinks it will be easier than knowing and denying. If he does let them try, he might learn that he hates it, that’s it’s disgusting in reality. But he might also learn that he loves it, that he never wants to stop, that just a kiss might be the small act that has him completely falling down a slippery slope he can’t climb back out of. And deep down, he can’t imagine the first one being a possibility anymore, but he’ll never really know because he doesn’t want to. He’s afraid. Very afraid.

Taekwoon’s always been afraid as well. He wonders if Taekwoon is the one cracking now—two failed marriages too early—apparently, although he considers taking that comment back now, thinking maybe only after his first wife. Taekwoon’s heart is softer than he makes it out to be.

He takes Taekwoon’s face gently, finding it almost annoying how his hands seem to fit perfectly there, like they really are meant to be there. Taekwoon looks pretty this way. Eyes shut, lashes fanned out against his flushed, glowing skin that feels oily and smooth to the touch under the first of the morning light. His body angles in towards the elder’s and he also lets his eyesight fade to black.

He imagines himself leaning into Taekwoon, tilting their faces to align perfectly, and pressing his lips to Taekwoon’s glossy ones. His lips have always been nice. Attractive ones that Wonsik’s been caught subconsciously staring at before, wondering exactly how they’d feel, taste, and work against his own. He wonders if he’ll see the same stars when they kiss or if the spark will create new ones to twinkle in his head. Maybe bigger ones, brighter like the ones Taekwoon dreams of seeing, maybe ones as brightly as the sun they had been waiting all morning for.

He can see it all. The two of them rolling around lazily in bed against the easy ocean waves below them, loving and moaning, and complaining they have eaten too much of the cruise line cuisine. Limbs will be getting caught up in the sheets, making them laugh, and causing them to press closer. He knows himself and Taekwoon too well. Taekwoon’s always passionate with everything he’s done. So it makes sense he’d be the same way with Wonsik. Given the opportunity, they would do everything they ever wanted as soon as they could. In one week maybe, or a day, or even in one single night.

And that opportunity is presented directly in front of him now, in this very moment. He gazes at Taekwoon tiredly, waiting, waiting until the eyes before him blink open, appearing larger and curved from this angle, glistening back at him with daylight and blurred reflections.

“I’m sorry,” he breathes out in attempt to stop his body from experiencing too much pain. He’s already shaking, already deny the open invitation, already reminding himself of the clear future he’s established for himself, tucking back away the splotchy, uncertain one.

Taekwoon presses against him, wrapping Wonsik within his long arms, and pushing on his neck until his face dips down on the elder’s shoulder. “Don’t cry.”

He’s not. Not physically at least. He can’t right now. He’s already shed too many tears during their past conversations about this. About them and their futures. But he thinks it will still be okay. Ten or fifteen years in the future is a long time. Because in the end, currently, they are still together, they still have one another. Neither of them are going anywhere anytime soon. And they can still dream together.

“I love you,” he says in a quiet, stable voice through a sad smile that Taekwoon cannot see.

And there’s no pause with Taekwoon’s response.

“I love you, too,” he repeats soothingly and Wonsik immediately leans his everything on him. But Taekwoon’s got him, patting his back lightly, just right. “Let’s go back inside now. Let’s sleep while we still have a couple hours.”

Wonsik moans against him. “Mm.”


	2. Fatal Flaws

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title: Fatal Flaws  
> Rating: pg-13  
> Pairing: wontaek  
> Words: 1414  
> Originally posted: 04/25/16
> 
> {“But Wonsik knows he won’t succumb to Taekwoon’s flaws. He’s not any better.”}

There are times when Taekwoon becomes very cold; times where he shakes and shivers, pulling back his tongue, allowing his teeth to chatter softly together. Wonsik used to worry, used to wonder why Taekwoon would blank mid conversation, why his gaze often faded even when their eyes were still connected, but he doesn’t anymore. Doesn’t mean he likes it, either.

Taekwoon says he’s cold, says he feels like he’s freezing as he holds his head in his hands like he’s in pain—or about to be, but to Wonsik, his skin is still warm to the touch. He stands before Wonsik, arms shakily wound around himself, and it only takes Wonsik a moment to exhale deeply before tugging his wrist free and they sprint before anyone even has the chance to yell for them. He takes different actions depending on where they are. If they’re out, he’ll find an empty room, any room works as long as the lights are off and there’s a door. Because he leans his back to it, strategically positioning his weight to secure their privacy, pulling Taekwoon against him, wrapping him in whatever jacket or sweater he may have had on, and they sink together. The floor tends to initially be cold to his ass, but Taekwoon breathes heavily—heatedly—as he leans on him. It becomes warm, very warm to Wonsik. But Taekwoon quivers within his hold as they stay there and his fingers press Taekwoon’s face down against him. He doesn’t say anything, no. Not until ten minutes later when Taekwoon grips at his shoulders to the point it hurts because he knows that’s a sign that this episode is just about over.

If they’re at home, he’ll place Taekwoon on the bed, onto his stomach, and Wonsik will crawl over him in the largest, heaviest sweater he owns. This way is always calmer; the noises Taekwoon makes are softer. Wonsik aligns their bodies together, covering Taekwoon completely beneath him, and reaches back for the quilt to not let any warmth escape.

He’s gushing by the end of it, boiling within the mix of bodies and overall heat between them, but he shuts his eyes under the darkness as he lets his chin fall down Taekwoon’s neck. And it’s times like these that make him wonder how Taekwoon can be so physically hot, almost sickly so, and yet still be as cold as he claims to be. He wonders what’s going on within his mind, what emotions are so strong that his psychological capability to sense his own temperature is completely thrown off. But Taekwoon never tells him when he asks, never lets him in—he’s cold like that. 

There are times when Taekwoon becomes very hot; times where he’s not fully aware of his own strength. Wonsik struggles, gripping his wrists so hard that his knuckles quickly change colors, but Taekwoon’s grin remains as unreadable as his eyes. He’s no match for Taekwoon’s strength, so he’s shoved, he’s tossed, and he’s pinned. They roll, throwing one another with groans and grunts, not even giving thought as to why they are playing this wrestling game Wonsik never wants to be a part of. Taekwoon’s too into this rough and tumble, though, snapping his shoulder and sending Wonsik onto the hard floor, pouncing on him even when he whines, whimpers because his hip hurts. They really shouldn’t be sweating, but they are. It drips down their skin like they’re melting away.

Wonsik wishes Taekwoon would be gentler, but he knows he’s not. He grits his teeth, blocking his face, and mentally counts the seconds until Taekwoon tuckers himself out. It usually doesn’t take that long, but then they’re both lying there, huffing and limp, with bruises so new that they won’t show their true colors until tomorrow.

Taekwoon turns towards him, eyes glistening and face glowing. He’s beautiful when he laughs, when he realizes the pointlessness of what they put themselves through. Or maybe it’s not pointless to Taekwoon—who knows. Wonsik smiles along anyway, unsure of what to really think as Taekwoon sits up, tossing his shirt to the side, sweating—he’s hot like that.

But Wonsik knows he won’t succumb to Taekwoon’s flaws. He’s not any better.

There are times when Wonsik becomes very cold; times where he purposely separates himself just to rile Taekwoon up. The acts should be unforgiving, but he knows Taekwoon isn’t. Taekwoon asks where he is and he’ll lie even when it’s obvious—when there’s no reason to. Taekwoon says he wants to talk and Wonsik will just say ‘later,’ chuckling to himself when Taekwoon’s eyebrows twitch. His eyes narrow and the hairs on the back of Wonsik’s head stand up, chills shoot through his spine, causing involuntary shivers down his back. And he grins because Taekwoon’s flustered and extremely frustrated and the anticipation creates an intoxicating spike in adrenaline that sends fluttery feelings through his stomach.

Taekwoon asks more, again, but he doesn’t answer, and eventually something happens. Taekwoon often leaves, slams doors and shouts. But these are times where Wonsik is calm, he’s cool. Taekwoon, on the other hand, is not. And other times, Wonsik will lose. He’ll raise his voice and scream, walk in circles because Taekwoon really doesn’t fucking understand even the littlest things. But eventually, Taekwoon will wrap him within his arms, tightly, pressing them together whether Wonsik wants to or not. He’ll think about it, about returning the affection, but usually leaves his hands down, dangling at his sides. He likes being the winner, the instigator—he’s cold like that.

There are times when Wonsik becomes very hot; times where he often forgets what he’s doing. Times where he pushes Taekwoon hard against the wall, gripping up at his shirt to ease their gap. Taekwoon whimpers, hitting his side, because, unlike Wonsik, he remembers that breathing is important. Taekwoon tells him to relax, to go easy, so he gives it a good attempt. But Wonsik still bites at his lips, leaving them redder and glossier than Taekwoon wants them to be. And Taekwoon lolls his head back against the wall when Wonsik’s body feels as if it’s scalding and he’s so needy that he has to submit to his basic human needs, to pant in the heated, used air as quickly as he can.

If Taekwoon’s ever upset, he doesn’t show it during these times. Wonsik takes whatever he can, whatever Taekwoon gives him. It’s all so much more lustful than passionate, but they’re both so engaged in it that the reasons really don’t matter. He claws at Taekwoon, crudely and sharp, leaving red lines burned into his skin. Taekwoon doesn’t stop him, doesn’t even hint he ever dislikes it, and intensely moans along when they’re created. It all gives Wonsik a euphoric bliss where he always gets what he wants, where he’s dominant and powerful, radiating sexuality as he glares into Taekwoon’s foggy eyes, following down his nose to his lips where a smirk always seems to linger. So he kisses it away, hard and forcefully until Taekwoon cries out another drawn whimper, clinging to him like Wonsik is the only one. And Wonsik never takes a moment to slow down after that. He simply can’t when he’s in this high and Taekwoon’s right there with him—he’s hot like that.

But then there are times when they are mild, cool and lukewarm mixed smoothly into something easy. They’ll be sitting on the floor, sharing a water bottle, and staring hazily at their reflections in the mirrors across the room. Wonsik leans his head against Taekwoon’s shoulder lightly, shutting his eyes. Taekwoon will ask of he’s tired and he’ll respond ‘no’ even when he slowly falls, eventually resting his cheek against Taekwoon’s thigh and there are warm fingers combing through his hair. It’s nice, he thinks, being with Taekwoon like this. They’ll fight and hide things, drain one another completely, and yet they still have this phenomenal gravitational pull that manages to keep them together.

Taekwoon suggests they go home, but Wonsik doesn’t respond, so they don’t. They stay there and Wonsik manages to haphazardly hook three out of their five fingers together. It’s a pleasant, calm moment where he wishes they could have more like this. Taekwoon accepts Wonsik’s flaws when many others in the past did not, made him worse, more irritable, but he thinks, with time, and more instances like this, he can also learn to work with Taekwoon on his.


	3. You Don't Love Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title: You Don't Love Him  
> Rating: nc-17  
> Pairing: wontaek  
> Words: 3305  
> Originally posted: 02/28/16
> 
> {“He’s always upfront about it, blunt, and honest. It took time, but Wonsik sometimes says the phrase back now—says it with as much meaning as he can.”}

It isn’t like they had planned to go to dinner as just the two of them. Hongbin flaked last minute, Hakyeon had somewhere else to be, and Sanghyuk and Jaehwan were already out on their own. They weren’t going to let their reservation go to waste and Taekwoon has already made it clear that he’s really hungry.

They’re sitting in a private room, one just large enough for the six of them, but seemingly gargantuan with just one other sitting on the opposite side. Wonsik briefly takes in the scenery as they hold their lone, serene silence. The walls painted tan are pretty with the pinkish glow from the small chandelier above the table shining against it and there’s a large painting on the wall of a purple flower with Chinese characters he can’t read. It’s quite generic and boring, anyway.

He picks at his chopsticks as he stares with a muddled expression at the extensive menu, thinking he has no idea what to order since the lack of people makes deciding on one thing more difficult. Glancing up, Taekwoon’s looking at him curiously, eyes large and inviting to any input. He parts his lips to speak, but what Taekwoon says in the split second prior make everything stop.

“I love you,” he speaks gently, gazing off to the side with his fingers curled at his cheek, eyes bright and curved as he smiles softly to himself.

Taekwoon doesn’t seem bothered by the long silence that follows as Wonsik holds hesitantly. The words should never be a surprise to him anymore, but they always freeze him up. “What?”

“Let’s get this,” Taekwoon quickly reaches over, pointing a finger towards a picture on the menu of what looks like some sort of grilled pork dish.

Wonsik nods tentatively, starting slowly, “I’ll… Eat anything. Sure, yeah.”

Taekwoon hums as he sits back down, satisfied, leaving Wonsik slightly flustered but overall content. It’s okay. It’s always been okay. For them, at least.

 

Blunt teeth press into the soft skin of his neck as he shuts his eyes. It’s wet feeling, a tongue lapping up the mess, with lips kissing the irritated area like a bandaging apology.

“Ow,” Wonsik says quietly under his breath, sighing, and curling his fingers into the tough leather of Taekwoon’s jacket.

“Did that hurt?” The elder asks, pulling back enough where their eyes can meet.

“Mm,” he releases.

Taekwoon presses his lips to the spot again, kissing softly while nipping up Wonsik’s neck. He never makes it to his lips, though.

Wonsik pulls back easily, slipping out of the hold like he always does, to look at his phone while it still vibrates. A text from Sanghyuk—nothing important—but he wants to respond quickly. They’ll be seeing one another again in a few hours, but he enjoys joking with the younger when they can. He has some down time now. Down time alone with Taekwoon, that is.

 

His cheek presses against the cool wall as Taekwoon holds to his back. Taekwoon’s breath is hot and damp against his skin, but it’s his moans that have Wonsik’s blood racing, hormones buzzing with aggravation. Their bodies move together, rubbing and grinding, slowly and still clothed, but that part never lasts for long. It feels good. His belt loose, jeans popped open with Taekwoon’s hands down his pants, fingers spread across his upper thighs as he pushes Wonsik’s hips back against his hardening erection.

And it all leaves Wonsik hot and impatient, feeling the pressure against his ass, and wanting more, wanting everything, needing their clothes to be removed and quickly. Taekwoon doesn’t stop though, rolling his hips, creating more and more friction that has Wonsik’s legs quivering and cock harden without actually being touched.

“Taekwoon—”

He stops immediately. “Let’s go to bed. Now.”

“No.”

“Wonsik—”

“Right here. Right here,” he repeats urgently.

“The lube in is the other room.”

“We don’t need it,” he raises his voice, frustrated and desperate.

But Taekwoon pulls him away from the wall. Tugging so hard that Wonsik can hear him panting, can hear him mumbling, “You’re an idiot.”

And he follows, turning down the hall into the one place he hates having sex. Because it’s too intimate, too easy for Taekwoon to take all of him, to kiss him, to have full control over the situation. He becomes helpless, closing his eyes because Taekwoon’s are too close to his own. He lays on his side with Taekwoon pressed against him, inside of him, moving fast and precise, leaving Wonsik whimpering, trembling, and subconsciously repeating, “Yeah, right there. Yes. Just like that. Fuck.”

“Good?”

“So good,” he breathes harshly against it all, clawing at the sheets below him.

Because it is good. The heat that fizzles through his tip of his forehead all the way down to his toes. Taekwoon’s great at this. Great at making Wonsik feel pleasure that always has him crawling back for more. He’s sensitive, frustratingly so, but Taekwoon likes it. Likes him a lot.

Wonsik continues to groan, loudly, so loudly that sometimes Taekwoon has to cover his mouth, but there’s no one home this time, so he doesn’t bother with any of that. The elder’s thrusts are fast and rough, hard like Wonsik likes them to be, and he feels his body getting close, blood boiling, stomach knotting.

And that’s why he loses all senses when it suddenly stops, when Taekwoon pulls out and flips them, bends his knees and body with ease, wrapping Wonsik within his arms, tilting their faces together, kissing him so deeply and intimately that he can’t even register it. Can’t even try to stop him.

He whines and groans when Taekwoon enters him again, pace slow and sensual. In and out gently, drawing out all their time and Wonsik’s thinning patience. It’s torture almost, in more ways than one. Because he’s melted, flexible and submissive when in bed. It’s too easy for Taekwoon to be in control this way, to move him and guide him without fear of hurting him. And Wonsik hates it. But Taekwoon loves it. Loves him.

“Hyung, no…” he sobs, turning his cheek towards the elder. “Please go faster.”

Taekwoon breathes out a drawn moan, nosing himself in just under Wonsik’s ear. “I like this.”

So they continue at that speed. Taekwoon has moments where he’ll pick up the rhythm, but for no longer than a few seconds at a time. Wonsik’s breathing becomes rough, tingling and uneasy as he feels as if his body screams with desire and crucial need for relief.

The sounds become louder, lewd and wet, when Taekwoon finally picks up his speed. He pulls Wonsik in closer, gripping his skin tightly as he rides the quickest he’s been yet through his orgasm. “Won—Wonsik, come. Come,” he says harshly, encouragingly, gasping.

And Wonsik does. His body numbs as he jerks his own cock along to Taekwoon’s pace. His moans spill out, sight blurs into nothing but darkness and stars and Taekwoon’s eyes boring into his own.

Taekwoon lies atop him for a bit. From what Wonsik can see, his forehead drips with sweat, scalp completely damp, and chest moving quickly to restore normal functions from all the exertions he just gave out. Taekwoon gives Wonsik his all—he wears himself out. Eventually he moves, lifting Wonsik slightly to spot clean the two of them.

But this is the part of having sex in a bed that Wonsik actually likes. He likes the aftermath. He likes how Taekwoon talks the most after sex, when he’s far too relaxed and sleepy to tense up at the thoughts of anxious conversing. Wonsik realized this early on, surprised the first time when they spent almost two hours lying in bed with Taekwoon leading every conversation. Fun topics about his past, about his daily thoughts, about himself. Taekwoon will tell him his true feelings openly and easily, slurring slightly with exhaustion even when his eyes are wider, more curious, than during the day. Their languid movements blend together and all of Wonsik’s post-sex memories are ones he holds close. Taekwoon will lean over Wonsik’s side, holding onto his arm tightly, smiling with exhaustion and adoration, and tell him softly how much he loves him.

“I love you, too,” Wonsik says with a smile, meaning it.

Because he does love Taekwoon. Maybe not to the extent Taekwoon loves him, but he cares about him. He loves Taekwoon like he loves Jaehwan, Hakyeon, Hongbin, and Sanghyuk. So saying it back never feels wrong. It’s never a lie. And it makes Taekwoon’s expression light up, makes him lean over and kiss Wonsik again. And Wonsik lets him this time. He lets him knowing Taekwoon likes kissing him. And after what Taekwoon gives him, he thinks it’s okay for him to let Taekwoon have this in return.

 

 

There’s a hard pounding on the door that has Wonsik blinking his eyes open. It’s morning, bright and lively, and Taekwoon’s still curled beside him, still and completely knocked out despite the loud noises. “I need to get my clothes! Hyung!”

It’s Sanghyuk. Wonsik wonders what time it is. “Just come in,” he says back, tiredly.

“Is it safe?”

“Yes, just open the door.”

He pulls the covers over Taekwoon a little more as Sanghyuk peers into the room. His gaze at the two of them lasts just a moment longer than Wonsik wants it to. The younger pulls a face, smirking slightly as he whispers, “Gross.”

“Oh, shut up and get out,” Wonsik laughs. “You missed a good meal last night.”

Sanghyuk is quick with that request though. He bundles up clothes and tosses extra on his bed for later. He steps out, but doesn’t forget to add a reminder, “Yeah, well, you’re welcome, it seems. Oh, and we leave for practice in ten minutes.”

So they get up, sluggishly and slow, and life goes on. They spend the next nine hours practicing for their upcoming concert, go to bed, and wake up to do it all again. It’s just how it is. There’s no secret. The other members know what they do together, know that when they are together there always is a possibility they might disappear for a short time. Taekwoon has gotten more careful as time has gone on. Backstage bathrooms were places they have had encounters in the past, but now they only do it in the dorm, hotels, or the studio.

They’ll be gone for hours, in the far rooms of the studio, Taekwoon on his knees, pulling Wonsik as far to the edge of his seat as he can, sucking, licking, touching and pumping until the younger’s breathless and drained. It’s fun.

Like today, Wonsik gets his way. Taekwoon’s tongue drags down his spine, leaving open mouth kisses to his shiny, wet skin, going lower, lower, _lower_. Taekwoon doesn’t like having sex in the shower, so they do it afterwards. Wonsik leans over the sink counter, legs spread wide and open, Taekwoon’s hands all over him, gliding and gripping and squeezing.

The fan is on, but it doesn’t always block out the noises. Everyone knows not to bother them, though. It’s sex—pure give and take, in and out, skin against skin. Wonsik’s cock leaks as Taekwoon’s thrusts inside him. He groans, sinking his head down into his arms as he grips the faucet for support, as Taekwoon goes fast. Fast and efficient and Wonsik loves every moment of it. They don’t switch positions like this, Taekwoon can’t look into his eyes, he can’t kiss his lips, and he still orgasms just as hard. Messily, but it’s okay. Wobbly legs step back into the shower and Taekwoon will stay silent, holding Wonsik by the hips, leaning his head tiredly against the younger’s back as they stay under the pouring water for more time than necessary.

Hakyeon sends an uneasy smile their way once they enter the hallway, letting the steam disperse behind them. Taekwoon’s exhausted, fingers curled around Wonsik’s wrist and his weight heavy against his side. “How are my lover boys?” Hakyeon asks.

Wonsik opts out in responding to that question, finding the terminology somewhat unpleasant to his core, but Taekwoon says quietly, “Tired.”

“Go to sleep.”

And they do. Separately—different beds, different rooms, and Wonsik’s satisfied. He likes when things turn out this way the best.

 

 

This all started nearly a year ago. It just happened—they slept together. No excuses, no real interesting story to go along with it, either. They were bored, sitting on the couch in the dorm, watching a rated movie together on Taekwoon’s laptop. There was a scene where a couple fucked, and jokingly, they laughed, touching one another along with the silliness and stupidity of the film. Taekwoon became hesitant when realization hit, asking Wonsik if it was okay, if they could continue. Wonsik’s not really sure why he replied yes to all of those questions, but he did, welcomely and easily. He was curious, having only ever slept with woman before, but after one night with Taekwoon, he realized he liked the pleasure a man could give him just as much.

It took time for him to let that sink, settle, and for acceptance to overcome his insecurities. Because Taekwoon was already on board with it. He wasn’t going to shame Wonsik. He was only going aid in making him feel. And it’s worked out for almost an entire year.

Taekwoon doesn’t ask for much in return. Wonsik has blown him a few times, but Taekwoon says he’s not very good at it. And there was a time recently, two months ago at this point, where Taekwoon was laughing, telling him a story about his sister’s husband’s little sister or some shit.

“She’s apparently a big fan of yours. It was really funny listening to her describe how perfect you are in her eyes.”

Wonsik scoffed, outstretching his arms only to point his hands back towards himself. “Well, was she wrong?”

“She really doesn’t know you at all,” he snickered, pressing a hand to Wonsik’s shoulder.

“Of course not,” he returned, turning towards the elder as they worked together to prepare lunch for the rest of the members. “Do you want me to sign an album for her or something?”

Taekwoon’s eyes narrowed as he gazed up at Wonsik, bodies pressing together slightly as he stepped closer. His tone was light, airy, as he sighed, “I wish you would sign me.”

Wonsik burst out laughing, wrapping his arms around the elder to shake and jostle him a bit. “What the fuck does that mean?”

Taekwoon bit at his bottom lip in a way Wonsik knows he only does when he loses his confidence. It was cute almost. He left even when Wonsik shouted at him to come back. He was laughing so hard he could barely keep his balance.

 

He eventually figured out what Taekwoon meant.

“Can we switch?” He asked one night in a hotel. Wonsik stared down at the bed with a sour snarl to his expression. “You might like the position better and I think it would be nice…”

Wonsik instinctively frowned, causing Taekwoon to mirror the same look. It wasn’t something he ever really considered. Never did he have a desire to fuck Taekwoon. Why would he fuck Taekwoon when he could fuck girls? He thought about this a lot—thought about kissing cute girls with small waists and perky breasts and other times he thought about Taekwoon’s dick.

The elder dropped the subject quickly.

 

It’s just how their relationship has grown to be. Taekwoon was the first to start mentioning love and throwing “I love you”’s out. He doesn’t say it too often, but still enough for Wonsik to really notice, to tally them up. He’s always upfront about it, blunt, and honest. It took time, but Wonsik sometimes says the phrase back now—says it with as much meaning as he can. Sometimes it’s uncomfortable for Wonsik, but he doesn’t want to hurt Taekwoon. And again, he’s not technically lying.

 

 

“Are you and Taekwoon hyung going to do anything special during our time off?” Jaehwan asks while eating a bowl of cereal in their dorm kitchen. They have two more concert dates before the company allows them two weeks off. It’s not that much time, but enough for Hongbin to plan a trip to Iceland and for Sanghyuk to promise to hibernate at home the entire time.

He shrugs, carefully organizing notebooks and papers within his bag. “I haven’t even talked to him about it. I’m just going home.”

When he glances up, Jaehwan’s brows are furrowed as his stares back. “Really?”

“Yeah,” he blinks.

“I asked him yesterday and he said that he hopes you guys can spend some time together.”

“Oh,” Wonsik starts, clearing his throat slightly. “I don’t know what we’d do.”

Jaehwan looks absolutely baffled at this point. “Go on a few dates, maybe?”

Wonsik raises an eyebrow, frowning, and Jaehwan puts his spoon down. “I don’t know. I really want to just see my family. I’m sure he feels the same.”

“Are you going to talk to him about it?”

“Maybe? If it comes up. We don’t have much time to just sit and talk much these days.”

Jaehwan appears almost frustrated from all that, angry and confused. “Are you two fighting?”

“Of course not,” Wonsik shakes his head, throwing his bag over his shoulder.

“Then what the fuck, Wonsik?” The harsh tone has Wonsik’s heartbeat picking up, shocking him. “He wants to be with you—he really loves you.”

“Yeah, I know.” He lowers his voice, annoyed with this already. He begins walking out of the kitchen.

“And?” Jaehwan adds sharply, not letting him go that easily. He turns the corner anyway.

“And?” he repeats back.

Jaehwan’s eyes appear so large as he stands stilly in the door frame. His lips part slowly, enunciating as if he’s praying he’s wrong with the words he’s about to state—not even question. “You don’t love him.”

His tone is striking enough to stop all of Wonsik’s moments, to leave him cold and frozen in a whirlwind of thoughts and memories. It takes a moment, wasted seconds that only cause the elder to grit his teeth and sternly narrow his eyes.

His heartbeat feels too strong. “I do—I do.”

He throws his hands in the air as he turns back into the kitchen. “I sure fucking hope so, Wonsik.”

 

 

Taekwoon’s thrusts are slow the next night, but Wonsik doesn’t complain. They’re in bed, clothes thrown aside, and fingers interlaced tightly. It’s hot and intimate in ways Wonsik feels uneasy about. Taekwoon rolls him effortlessly onto his back. He arches against the elder, bending his legs around his waist, looking into his glossy eyes before they indefinitely kiss.

He’s breathless, gasping and quivering from the pressure, from the tenderness Taekwoon has with him, and from the burning his body feels. He whines, high-pitched and subconsciously, and Taekwoon smirks from above him. He grasps onto Taekwoon’s shoulders tightly when his thrusts quicken. There’s a new feeling that comes along with his orgasm. It’s strong, overpowering, and he pulls down on Taekwoon’s back to bring them closer together. Because the feeling is painful. It’s even more painful when Taekwoon smiles, when he rolls to the side and brings Wonsik with him, wrapping all his limbs around him tightly in the process. And Wonsik knows exactly what it is.

 

 

_Guilt._

 

 

“Why me?” He asks softly, almost hypothetically.

But Taekwoon responds anyway. “You’re sexy.”

“No, I mean—”

His chuckle is light and pleasant to Wonsik’s ears. “You make me feel good.” He smiles softly, lowering his head against Wonsik’s chest. “Just being with you makes me feel good.”

“Ah,” Wonsik responds, staring up at the ceiling. “Ah.”


	4. Late Summer/Early Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title: Late Summer/Early Fall  
> Rating: pg-13  
> Pairing: wontaek  
> Words: 2798  
> Originally posted: 02/06/16
> 
> {“It’s funny, he thinks while looking out the window. Most people adhere to the warning signs. It’s too late in the summer for a trip like this.”}

He awoke minutes ago, but still can’t seem to move. He stares at the wall in front of him as his leg presses against the coolness of it—the sheets have long been kicked untucked. The room is scorching. Well, maybe not literally, but he’s sweating and uncomfortable and there’s an arm over his waist and hot breathing against his neck that’s not helping. Wonsik’s quiet, at least. His breaths are soft, yet still audible enough for Taekwoon to follow, count, ensure he’s not dead. He’s too hot to be dead.

Taekwoon can tell it’s the morning, his internal clock waking him like any other day even when the room is almost as dark as night. It’s not raining, though. He’s sure. Normally he can hear the rain water streaming down the gutters, crackling against the siding; normally he can smell it in the air.

His hand lingers against where Wonsik’s fingers are naturally bent, gently grazing his skin for a short minute before tossing the younger’s arm back a bit more forcefully than he intends. Wonsik moves over in the direction his arm falls and he curls against a lone pillow on the other side. Taekwoon rolls on his back, gasping in a fresh breath that only feels slightly cooler and relieving within his lungs. After another moment of just barely handling it all, he gives up, crawling to the end of the bed with his shirt sticking uncomfortably to his shoulders.

In the bathroom, he stares at himself in the mirror, noticing how his eyes are still sharp in the morning, his face slightly bloated, and there’s a sheet indentation running across his temple that he’s sure Wonsik’s going to run his finger down when he sees it later. He combs through his hair with his fingers, finding it as disappointingly flat and lifeless as he expects every morning, and gives up on that as well to lift the toilet seat up.

 

The sky looks just as dull and gray as he imagined when he first woke up. Not quite raining, as he initially figured, but the air coming in from the window is thick and telling. Anywhere from a few minutes to even a few hours, it will storm. The scent is pleasant, though. Summer’s ending and the smell of autumn puts Taekwoon in a good mood. He hates the heat. He hates sweating. He thinks the reds and yellows of the changing leaves are pretty.

The dishes pile up in the sink from their collected laziness and Taekwoon spins the lazy Susan to reach the last plastic cup out of the cupboard. It’s clearly old and only used when they get to the point where all their glass mugs are dirty. There’s a frog on it that’s half faded and Taekwoon forgets where it even came from. Probably Wonsik’s extended family or something—maybe a joke shop. He fills it with water and drops an ice cube in from the freezer. Maybe he’ll make iced coffee later, but this will do for now. 

He can feel the chill of the liquid going down through his system, and it feels good, shaking his body even more awake and aware enough to hear footsteps from the other room. It takes a moment, Taekwoon doesn’t move from before the kitchen sink, and arms bend beneath his own, pressing to hold across his chest, and the heat of Wonsik against his back isn’t as overwhelming as it was in bed. Wonsik tucks his nose into Taekwoon’s neck, his whiny groan is low and husky to Taekwoon’s ears, and he stands there needingly.

“Are you coming back?” He asks softy, breath tingling against Taekwoon’s skin as it’s released.

“It was too hot,” Taekwoon sighs out, letting his head roll back against Wonsik’s shoulder.

Wonsik kisses his ear softly while his hands move down to play with the bottom hem of his shirt. “Were you wearing this?”

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

“I went to bed with it on.”

Wonsik isn’t wearing anything besides his boxers. The warm body slumping against his own makes the suggestion tempting. Wonsik smells clean and natural, like home and lingering detergent, with the usual morning musk to his skin that Taekwoon really likes. He imagines them crawling back into bed, laying against one another, legs brushing, and faces close, but the picture fades when Wonsik’s hand slips up his shirt. He grabs it quickly, stepping out of Wonsik’s hold. He’s spent way too much time cooling down to be persuaded back for Wonsik to make his temperature rise again.

Wonsik blinks tiredly with a sad smile on his face, one Taekwoon’s not buying. As he turns away back towards his water cup on the counter, Wonsik calls, “Hey, look at me.”

And he runs his hand over Taekwoon’s cheek, gently following up the sheet indentation in the process. 

 

“Why does the weather always have to be shitty on our days off?” Wonsik asks, leaning against the window as Taekwoon dabs a sponge around the edges of a single mug he’s washed out. “I still think we should go out. It’s just humid right now.”

Taekwoon glances at him from the counter, humming in agreement as he pushes the correct buttons on the coffee maker to have it start. “It’s going to rain.”

“Ah, yeah. Probably.” He shrugs, joining Taekwoon back in the kitchen, and staring questionably. “Coffee? Aren’t you hot?”

“I’m going to put ice in it,” he explains softly.

Wonsik doesn’t immediately react to that, but he nods, turning away back towards the window. There’s a quiet moment where only the sounds of the soft breeze outside and the brewing coffee fill the room. Taekwoon works around Wonsik, pouring cream and ice into his glass, and stirring it cool. He hands the younger the mug, gifting him the first sip that he gratefully accepts.

“Want to go to the beach?” He suggests, moaning into another sip that Taekwoon never necessarily offered.

Taekwoon sends him a puzzled look, wondering why he would suggest such a place on a day like today. He takes his mug back, sipping as he turns away.

He’s followed, though. “Just think about it, who is going to be there on a day like today? And if it does rain, we’ll already be wet, so who cares?”

“Won’t the water be cold already?” Taekwoon asks, eyes widening as their gazes meet.

Wonsik smirks. “You’re hot anyway, right?”

 

 

They don’t take much time packing a single tote. Taekwoon adds towels and a large umbrella that he figures could be used for either sun or rain. He notes the sunblock in the bathroom cabinet, but wonders if it’s necessary with the amount of cloud coverage outside. He packs it just in case, thinking about the repercussions and whining he’ll have to deal with if Wonsik ends up getting burnt without it. Wonsik drops their sandals by the door, urging Taekwoon to quickly go and change out of his pajamas in hopes they’ll have more time before the rain falls.

Taekwoon turns his key, locking the door behind them, and stepping down the stairs like they’re in a rush. He feels as if they have forgotten a lot, but it’s already too late to go back. Wonsik hops into the driver’s seat eagerly, smiling as Taekwoon sighs, walking around to the other side of their old, slightly rusted car. He’s normally the driver, but he allows the younger to take him this time. His brakes tend to be too fast, his turns too wide or too sharp, but he always manages to get them where they need to go in one piece.

 

Taekwoon rolls his side window down just enough to curl his fingers through. Wonsik glances over, telling him to be careful, and he simply nods in response because he always is. He lets his nose hover by the crack, deeply breathing in the air blowing through, and feeling as if the thickness sticks to the lining of his lungs as he does so.

The roads are bare as they drive down the highway, empty, and it amuses Taekwoon enough to release a slight laugh that has Wonsik joining in. The clouds are so low that it’s almost like the sky is falling on them. It’s funny, he thinks while looking out the window. Most people adhere to the warning signs. It’s too late in the summer for a trip like this.

 

The ride isn’t as long as Taekwoon remembers it being in the past—probably because Wonsik was speeding—but he doesn’t question it too much. Wonsik parks along the road, veering off enough into a small parking lot where people who exercise along the coast leave their cars. It’s empty besides a small red sedan sitting a few spots down.

Taekwoon carries the tote over his shoulder while scooting out and Wonsik yells something into the open space that he doesn’t quite catch. The sand sinks around his feet with his every step. He almost thinks this is a dumb idea, but Wonsik’s grinning at him like a happy child with no cares.

He lays down the towels on the empty beach and perches the umbrella upright in case the weather makes any sudden, unpredictable changes. They sit together, commenting vaguely on how the clouds are matching the colorless blur of the shore’s foam and how the humidity is so heavy in the air that it’s almost like the sky is spitting on them.

Wonsik laughs a lot, laughs at how they’re both afraid to dip their feet in the cold ocean. He asks why no one is at the beach and Taekwoon can only roll his eyes. Because isn’t it obvious?

 

Taekwoon watches carefully as Wonsik digs into their bag for his phone. “Listen to this,” he says.

They stare at one another as the song plays on the highest volume Wonsik’s phone will allow. He’s never heard the song before, doesn’t understand a word, but the melody sounds nice. It sounds fluttery and fitting. He wants to sing along, but the volume is no match for the crashing of the waves. He listens closely, leaning in until he’s against Wonsik’s side, drawing his arm closer to his ear. The song is foreign to him—he can’t follow the lyrics even if he truly tried. So, quietly, he echoes along, singing softly against the tune while Wonsik smiles and nods encouragingly like he’s enjoying every second of it.

“I have a few more I want to show you,” he says.

 

Wonsik is the first to timidly step up to water since Taekwoon refused the three times the younger begged. He gazes up at the sky, up at the seagulls that fly far above, noting he can only make out the shapes of their wings on this cloudy day. He turns over, surprised when he sees a woman and a dog running along the coast in the distance. There’s a moment where he stares, wishing they were closer, wondering if she’d let him pet the dog if he asked, if she’s the owner of the red sedan sitting beside their car back in the parking lot.

“Babe,” he hears Wonsik call. “Hey, look at this.” The younger crouches down beside him, holding a tiny, cracked shell in his hands. “It’s pretty, right? There are a bunch more over by those big rocks.”

So he gets up, following Wonsik cautiously in case he’s planning something cynical. He picks up a swirled shell that stands out amongst the broken ones, thinking he’ll keep that one. Wonsik shrieks suddenly, dropping all he collected when he found one that moved.

 

There are a few periodic raindrops that hit his scalp, but they aren’t distracting enough for either of them to mention it. Taekwoon stands by their towels again, watching Wonsik dip his toes into the water, and sending unpleasant faces back about it. He slowly takes more steps into the ocean, holding his hands above to keep his balance when the smaller waves hit.

Taekwoon can’t help his lips from curving up, can’t help but finally remembering that they didn’t pack any food, from realizing that their day at the beach probably won’t last too long because of it. He thinks it would be fun if they brought snacks and beer—relaxing and cooling, even—but he knows they stopped drinking on their days off for a reason.

They’ll moan and groan and roll around in bed for hours into their hangovers. And Wonsik, with his voice husky and dry, will tell Taekwoon how is eyes sparkle as he lies atop the younger. He’ll smile at the comment, leaning in to softly press their lips together before rolling away again, only to hear a satisfied chuckle resonating from Wonsik beside him.

But he doesn’t want that now. Not here, not right now; not while Wonsik’s knee deep in the water and Taekwoon doesn’t want to have to save his drunk ass when he miraculously manages to drown.

 

Wonsik holds his hands out, shouting for Taekwoon to come join him. He’s initially reluctant, but his legs move until the mist hits his shins. “It’s not that cold!” Wonsik yells.

But he still doesn’t get any closer. His feet dip under the waves that reach across the shore and he shivers slightly, looking back up at Wonsik as he swims in closer. Wonsik’s grinning in a way that makes Taekwoon brace himself and shut his eyes. He’s splashed and Wonsik’s laughter is too loud. Taekwoon lunges into the ocean, ignoring his body’s shock from the sudden temperature drop, and forcibly grazes his arms over the water to send striking waves towards the younger.

He yelps, jumping at Taekwoon only to knock them both down. Taekwoon gasps, spitting out the salty water in order to grab at Wonsik’s side. They’re splashing one another like children, laughing and shouting and shaking because it really is absolutely freezing.

 

Wonsik eventually clings to him, holding him for warmth that just isn’t there anymore. They swim back until they can walk up the shore, feeling the slight relief as the warmer air surrounds their skin again.

But Wonsik suddenly shrieks for the second time that day from a piece of seaweed caught around his ankle as they step back up the beach. He jumps slightly, losing his balance when Taekwoon laughs so hard that he shoves him off. He falls into the wet sand, sinking a little bit, looking just as pitiful as he sounded.

“Yah!” Wonsik shouts even when it comes out sounding more like a cry.

Taekwoon’s head is lowered as he bites his lip. His cheeks hurt from holding it all in. Wonsik’s expression is ashamed and embarrassed and Taekwoon lowers himself above him, holding his face up in his hands, because sometimes, he just finds Wonsik absolutely precious.

He wants to kiss him, but Wonsik rolls them over, and Taekwoon falls into the sand beside him. It sticks uncomfortably to his skin, but Wonsik laughs, and he can’t help but follow along, hitting his arm a few times in the process. They lie there unmoving, catching their breath from the impromptu event that just took place, feeling just their feet getting the brunt of the dying waves crawling up the shore.

 

He feels relaxed, satisfyingly cooled even when his goose bumps still show. Wonsik’s smiling at him, gently walking a couple fingers up his arm. He reaches out towards the younger, playing with Wonsik’s damp hair, moving pieces back into place even though they’ll never stay.

“We didn’t bring any food,” Wonsik says lightly after what feels like twenty minutes.

“I know.”

“Or a change of clothes.”

Taekwoon looks away, smiling against his arm. “We’re not very good at planning.”

“Ah, not really. And we’re going to get sand all over the car,” he adds, stretching his arms out and falling on his back. “It still hasn’t rained.”

“Should we just go home?” He asks, raking his fingers through the damp, fine grains, finding them soft and round to the touch.

Wonsik brushes sand off his knees as he sits up. “We can shower and order in food. How does that sound?”

“Good.”

 

Taekwoon wraps himself in his towel as Wonsik closes their umbrella. He makes sure to slip the shell he saved into his short’s pocket and Wonsik wrings out his shirt before slipping it back on.

The raindrops start to fall in a drizzle and Taekwoon stares up at the dark sky in a daze. Wonsik sprints a little, yells his name, calling him from farther ahead as they make their way back to the car. “Taekwoon, come on! The rain is picking up!”

Taekwoon doesn’t quicken his pace, but Wonsik slows his, and eventually, he catches up.


	5. Hierarchy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title: Hierarchy  
> Rating: pg-13  
> Pairing: wontaek  
> Words: 426  
> Originally posted: 02/05/16
> 
> {“He feels bad as Taekwoon idly sits with him again. He’ll stay quiet, playing with his phone, singing sometimes, but never for long ever since Wonsik asked him to stop so he could concentrate.”}

He feels bad as Taekwoon idly sits with him again. He’ll stay quiet, playing with his phone, singing sometimes, but never for long ever since Wonsik asked him to stop so he could concentrate. More times than not he’ll simply doze off in his chair. And then there are other times where he’ll give up. He’ll leave alone. And it’s not like Wonsik wants him to stay—he’s busy and time and sleep are only barriers if he allows them to be. That’s another thing Taekwoon never seems to understand but Wonsik swears by.

He’ll urge Taekwoon to leave, to go home and sleep—to rest for God’s sake, but he’s stubborn and rarely listens. And Wonsik’s all too aware why. He doesn’t want to go alone. He wants Wonsik to go with him.

But it’s hard because Wonsik loves working. There’s always a burning, itching feeling in his chest whenever he leaves his work unfinished. His mind won’t stop obsessing over it, like his hands twitch and aggravation comes so much easier when he’s pulled away. He hates leaving when he knows the beat is still off, that the lyrics could flow just a little bit better, that if Jaehwan sampled _that one part_ just a little differently, the emotions he’s trying to portray would shine through clearer.

So it irks him when Taekwoon’s arms wrap gently around his neck and he presses against the back of his chair, pulling him away from the screen—from his work, whispering requests in his ear that Wonsik doesn’t want to hear.

_“Let’s go home early tonight.”_

_“It’s nearly dawn… Are you going to sleep?”_

_“We can stop at the store. I can make us something yummy.”_

_“If we leave right now… We’ll have time to have sex—slow sex. I can be extra gentle with you tonight.”_

_“Please.”_

And today he nuzzles warmly against his cheek, pleading a simple, “Wonsik ah, please… Please come home.”

He sighs deeply, reeling about how he’s had thoughts about just letting Taekwoon go—they’ve been in a bumpy relationship for a while now, but Taekwoon still so clearly loves every bit of him, still yearns for him. And he doesn’t want to hurt the elder. He doesn’t want to hurt himself, because, fuck, would it hurt. So he stares at his composition as it’s only half finished, still needing hours of work, recordings, and samplings from Hakyeon, and lets his hand ease off the mouse, off the keyboard, to curl up against where Taekwoon’s hangs just off his shoulder. “Yeah, okay.” 


	6. Mind After Midnight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title: Mind After Midnight  
> Rating: pg-13  
> Pairing: wontaek  
> Words: 4018  
> Originally posted: 09/06/15
> 
> {“Taekwoon can’t sleep, he can’t stop his adrenaline from surging, from his intuition telling him this cannot happen. ”}

He is doing it again. The bed is big enough for the two of them to share comfortably, but Taekwoon has this long time habit of secluding himself as far as he possibly can away from the other. His wrists dangle off the side while his body balances itself on the edge in a way that’s only half comfortable and half efficient. Wonsik always hates when he does this, and he knows this. Last time he moved before Wonsik had fallen asleep and he was followed, arms wrapped around him tightly, tugging, pulling him up against the other’s body until they curled together, and Wonsik found out immediately how badly he was shaking. Wonsik didn’t let go the entire night.

But that was the past and this is years later. Taekwoon can’t sleep, he can’t stop his adrenaline from surging, from his intuition telling him _this cannot happen._ It was simple, small conversation from Wonsik, drunk and tired from daily activity and overexertion. He had kissed Taekwoon, like always, slowly, like his day was finally slowing down, ending, and Taekwoon was the one to conduct that motion every night. And as they lied in bed, quietly with Wonsik running his fingers through Taekwoon’s hair that has grown too long against his will, he said something so short, so small, that to him it was nothing more than a normal conversation.

“I want to tell my family about us soon.”

Taekwoon didn’t say anything as they went to bed. Side by side, close and warm like always. And then Taekwoon fell into this habit again. Something about that comment horrified him. Something about the thought that everything could go terribly wrong left his eyes wide and muscles stricken. Wonsik’s happiness meant more to him than just about anything. And that was it.

Wonsik had always been happy, ever since Taekwoon could remember, ever since the day they first met and Wonsik, young and thin and innocent, smiled largely while taking Taekwoon’s hand into a firm shake. “You’re my hyung, right? I’m Wonsik. I think we’ll be training together.” And Taekwoon timidly nodded, keeping his face blank and unwelcoming as he always did with new trainees. He only saw them as added competition he never wanted.

“That’s Taekwoonie,” Hakyeon jumped into the conversation. “Don’t fear his intimidating looks, he’s a real softie.”

“Ah, okay,” Wonsik looked confused, but held his smile at least a little bit. “Are you a dancer?”

“Singer,” again, Hakyeon intervened, already knowing Taekwoon well enough. And Taekwoon wanted to leave. The last thing he wanted was to get involved with more people getting in the way of his second chance.

Wonsik had energy Taekwoon lost long ago. He wasn’t happy like Wonsik was. He watched whenever Wonsik’s parents would drop him off at the studio or when his sister would visit and spend more time than necessary by his side. It was funny, he used to think, how Wonsik’s family was his everything to him. How supportive and encouraging they were. How effortlessly happy they made him.

Taekwoon’s father only gave him a stern look of discontentment when he admitted he wanted to be a singer.

That was long ago, though. It’s been three years together in total since laughter and the hype of adrenaline first brought their lips together, and even longer since Taekwoon first glared at his smiling face as a new trainee.

Everything felt natural about the two of them together. He would kiss Wonsik on the cheek, shoulder, temple, wherever without any second thoughts. He just had overwhelming urges because there was something just so attractive and adoring about the younger man that nothing felt out of the ordinary—not even when Wonsik’s hands caressed his cheeks and they shared something much more meaningful than playful kisses.

He felt comfortable with Wonsik during times he rarely felt comfortable at all. Times were moving too fast, cameras in his face became more and more common, questions, fans crowding, and people pressuring him into doing things he never felt like he signed up for. He noticed early on that Wonsik could sense his discomfort, quietness, and lack of confidence for a lot of what his new path in life threw him into. And he was so thankful whenever Wonsik would, mid-interview, soothingly run his hand down Taekwoon’s spine, or help him speak through it. Taekwoon found it easy to lean on him, to enjoy things more with him, to be happy with him.

They were more than _something_ to one another, but they never had a word for it at the time. Neither of them considered themselves in a relationship because there really wasn’t one. They didn’t have time for that and Taekwoon wasn’t even sure that was even an option. Wonsik was just always there, the farthest being simply a room away, as they lived as newer idols.

It became routine though. He and Wonsik went out often together as friends, coworkers, whatever it was, and he found himself enjoying Wonsik’s ability to lift his mood no matter the time or day. Running home in the pouring rain, yelling and swearing at one another down the streets while laughing through short breaths and watered down noise as they knew their manager was going to scold them to no end for leaving. Or when after a long day they would kiss under the blazing lights of the bathroom mirror with Wonsik perched on the edge of the sink counter and Taekwoon leaning into him.

Working got easier with time. And with his first few music show wins, his father smiled at him, telling him it was nice to see his own son succeeding on television. He had become someone his father felt proud of again, and to Taekwoon that mattered the most.

“Are you two dating?” Taekwoon’s eldest sister asked with a playful laugh during a dinner gathering at home. Wonsik sat beside him at the table with his two other sisters and his parents. They wanted Taekwoon home for dinner, but he was already out with Wonsik so they happily invited him along as well.

The question had Taekwoon staring blankly at his plate, frozen in time, forgetting lying was a thing because he never did that with his family. Wonsik, on the other hand, thankfully didn’t have that problem. He laughed a lot, joking, convincing, throwing his arm around Taekwoon’s shoulder to shake him, begging him ‘please play along I’m trying to save us hyung please you’re so obvious.’ It didn’t work though. Taekwoon was indeed too obvious at a question that was asked in a joking tone to begin with after she noticed them whispering back and forth to one another the entire time. Everyone was staring at him, staring at Wonsik who was also staring at him. He couldn’t move, he couldn’t even focus enough to curl his trembling fingers. There was so much noise within the silent gazes that his body shook, cold, and on alert, frightened with no escape. He had never felt so scared, so out of control, so desperate for someone to say something in his favor—but Wonsik had tried that already. His vision blurred from the daze, from all of his senses becoming too sensitive at once, from his heart beating so fast he thought if it stopped right then and there it would be alright.

“Taekwoon,” his mother spoke sharply, worried, sounding just as horrified as he always feared in his worst nightmares. And he pushed his chair back, making sure not to make eye contact with anyone as he ran like a wild animal down the hall, feeling like he was tripping without actually fumbling, turning in the bathroom to promptly throw up all of his mother’s home cooking he had just enjoyed. Wonsik later told him he got up to follow, but his father screamed at him to stay. Taekwoon never heard any of it.

Two of his sisters dragged him out of there later that night. Wonsik was gone when Taekwoon felt he needed him the most, but then again he had left Wonsik all alone at the table earlier and he never once forgave himself for that. He felt weak, sick, sicker than ever, and the tears wouldn’t stop. Never once was he scared of what he was doing with Wonsik because nothing about it had ever been scary. Nothing about Wonsik was scary. He convinced himself he was stronger than he really was, more confident, but he wasn’t when it came down to reality. When he realized dating Wonsik was what their _something_ came off as and he really couldn’t deny it because it wasn’t fully incorrect. His sisters cried with him, the four of them sitting on the cold and unforgiving tile, telling him over and over how much they loved him and that they were only terrified for him. It helped, but he felt like a small child all over again. Like those days when he was young and his sisters would surround him like body guards, holding his hand, suggesting he play with the other kids instead of sitting in his room alone, moping, like a sad child with dreams as broken as some of his bones were.

His mother sent him concerned looks, but kissed him on the cheek before leaving. His father said nothing.

Wonsik left seven messages on his phone that night. Telling Taekwoon he went back to the dorm and he’s alright and he knows everything’s going to be okay and that he loves him so much. And Taekwoon still has all of those messages, all with Wonsik shaken, yearningly soft voice, afraid yet trying to hide it, trying to hide the fact he was crying while making some of them for Taekwoon’s sake.

And when Taekwoon arrived back at the dorm looking like the hollow disaster he felt like, all of the other members immediately sensed something was horribly wrong. Their eyes wide with worry and mouths gapping like they didn’t know whether speaking or remaining silent was a better option. It didn’t matter though. Wonsik busted out of the bedroom to hug him so tightly that he lost all will to stand on his own; he didn’t need to. Wonsik led him back into the bedroom, kissing him until he had drained even Wonsik’s energy to stand anymore and the younger crawled above him, leaning all his weight on him, crushing Taekwoon with his pressure and warmth, stopping him from feeling anything else. Kissing his skin wherever it was exposed: face, neck, collar, hands, wrists, and never forgetting to mention just how much he was loved after each and every press of his lips. And Taekwoon felt it—loved. He felt so much more than he ever did. He believed Wonsik’s words, let them settle within his heart like he never had before. And that night, gathering together in bed, holding one another so close that nothing could break them apart, with his face buried into the younger’s shoulder, so softly, he cried out, “I love you, too.”

Nothing was a secret anymore after that. The next morning Hongbin walked in to Taekwoon lying atop Wonsik, eyes shut with his cheek pressed to the younger’s chest, feet dangling off the bed, and Wonsik’s knees bent up towards the ceiling holding him in between. Taekwoon’s eyes blinked, sleeplessly and dry, to the feeling of familiar fingers running through his hair and down his neck and stared blankly at the four remaining members standing in shadows of the doorway. Immediately, he shut his eyes again.

Wonsik sat on the edge of the bed as he explained vaguely to the members not just what happened the night before, but what had happened between them the past year or so. It was torturous to listen to, to accept, to have all of his deepest, most tucked away secrets being told through someone else’s voice, but he didn’t have the strength to do anything about it.

Hakyeon’s hand on his shoulder burned, the sinking feeling in his stomach aching like his entire body felt like giving up. He got on his hands and knees before them all, bowing, apologizing like he committed the worst crime of his life, their lives, but Sanghyuk and Jaehwan lifted him up before he could even register it. All he saw were Wonsik’s wide, horrified eyes, concentrated on him from across the room.

“You’ve done nothing wrong,” Hakyeon reminded him for the fifth time in three days. Things were getting better with the Vixx members. There was an overall acceptance within the group that made him feel at ease when at home, when doing his job. Wonsik constantly stayed by his side, sending smiles whenever they made eye contact and following him to bed some nights when they were home together.

“There’s this really nice girl I can have you meet,” his mother spoke in a desperate, begging tone over the phone. He could tell she was taking this harder than anyone else. And it hurt. It hurt hearing, “Why are you like this? Why must you be like this?”

“I’m sorry.”

She cried, upset and angry, and it caused even more pieces of Taekwoon to shatter once again.

“Hyung, please don’t avoid me,” Wonsik grabbed his wrist when he got home from an interview he had together with Hongbin and Jaehwan. His face frowning, purely saddened.

“I’m not.” Lie.

“It’s been nearly a week since you’ve last even looked at me.”

Taekwoon couldn’t deny that. It wasn’t that he was purposely trying to avoid Wonsik, he just needed alone time. There was so much going on: his mother calling him every few days, telling him how his father can’t sleep at night and she prays for him, and hopes Taekwoon will snap out of it. His body was drained, brain begging for some form of relief, a break, and the stress had him unintentionally skipping meals and zoning out. More times than he could remember. It scared him sometimes, but there was still a strange comfort he got from knowing this was not the first time he’s had these feelings.

The first time he felt this heartbroken, crushed, and tied up was during his few nights in the hospital after his worst sports injury. Ankle, arm, broken; joint in his knee torn.

“He needs to stop. This is the third time this year I’ve seen him for injuries and they get worse each time. If he doesn’t stop now there will be irreversible damage.”

His father’s disappointed face was a memory he’d never forget, never forgive himself for causing—not even after the two other times he caused it following that. Again, his mother cried, but urged him to stop for his own sake. He healed slowly, spending most of his time in his dark room, staring at the grayed ceiling, sullen and sad, convincing himself he had nothing to live for anymore.

Wonsik silently crawled in bed with him that night, but Taekwoon wouldn’t roll into his arms. Instead he moved as close to the side of the bed as possible. Within 30 seconds, Wonsik threw an arm over his waist, drawing him back to the center, with his nails dragging against the sheets as his only pathetic defense. Wonsik’s warmth and close scent were somethings he didn’t realize just how much he missed. They curled their legs together as the younger pressed against his back enough to bend them even closer. Taekwoon had his face within his arms and Wonsik spoke directly into his ear, “Don’t do that… Please.”

He couldn’t say anything.

“Hyung,” he started again, tightening his arms, and causing Taekwoon to hold his breath, “I’m afraid you’re going to leave me because of this. That you’re… That you’re going to choose your family over me—and I can understand that—I really can, but… I’m so scared.”

Taekwoon was shaking.

“I’m _so_ scared. I don’t want to lose you. I—don’t want to lose what we have.”

Wonsik was going to cry, he could hear the quivering in his voice already.

“I’m sorry for what happened. I’m sorry you’re so upset. I’m sorry for everything. I’m so sorry, hyung.”

Taekwoon thinks that was the moment their relationship truly solidified as more than their _something_. He turned towards the younger, wrapping his arms around his neck, and tucking their faces close together. Wonsik’s tears dripped against his cheek, the air between them hot and used, and Taekwoon let himself crash under the weight of everything. Wonsik breaking down before him was all it took. He hurt so much he couldn’t tell the old wounds from the new ones anymore. And he never had the time to realize he was sharing that pain with someone else.

It’s been long since then. Whenever he talks to his mother now, she’ll ask how his ‘friend Wonsik’ is doing or something more generic like ‘the Vixx members’ as a whole and she’ll leave it at that. His sisters will ask more and he knows they’re the ones to thank for backing him up from the worst out of his parents. But it hurts, seeing his father look at him differently, constantly disappointed and almost embarrassed, and his mother seems to have this permanent downwards curve to her lips whenever they are together. He doesn’t visit them as often as he once did and they don’t call as much as they used to.

Wonsik’s family doesn’t know, though, and after what happened with Taekwoon’s family they both agreed to leave it that way. It’s been close to two years since the day his sister asked that life changing question anyway.

They had moved out of the Vixx dorm about six months ago with permission from the company; they both had similar scheduling and it made sense to their managers to keep them together. A small, two bedroom condo in the center of Seoul with a pinkish, foggy city view in the early mornings. Taekwoon almost thought it wasn’t real—too good to be true—but it happened. Wonsik pushed on his back with heavy boxes in hand when Taekwoon stood in the doorway gaping like he had just won a prestigious award he didn’t even know he was nominated for. They sat in the living room of their new place, empty without much furniture yet, and Wonsik smiled at him like it was the happiest day of his life. And Taekwoon’s heart felt like it could burst.

Their once _something_ definitely turned into dating after moving. Wonsik did his best to fill the ripped and blown out holes in Taekwoon’s heart, and he did for the most part. Taekwoon had to run to keep up with him and his colorful liveliness, but he did. He sprinted. They had so much time together, so much private time that never once existed previously. Taekwoon felt so free, so _fucking_ happy, and he couldn’t stop himself from getting emotional when Wonsik stared at him sitting on their new couch in the living room from the kitchen, smiling softly, eyes gazing like he was stupidly in love, and confessed, “This is the best thing that has ever happened to us.”  

Their second bedroom was technically Wonsik’s, but he never really used it other than to work from home. Hongbin slept in the bed more than Wonsik ever did whenever he visited. And no one ever questioned anything because they were still groupmates with the same job. It was safe. It was a place where Taekwoon could be fully comfortable—his new home when his parents’ home became a place of nothing more than pain and anxiety. A place where he would come home after a showing of a musical he acted in to Wonsik waiting for him so they could go to bed together, or make out in the kitchen if they felt like it, or watch TV on the couch until they both pass out and complain about their backs the next morning. 

And that’s why Taekwoon can’t sleep. 

“Hey,” comes out groggy and confused from behind him. “What are you doing?”

Taekwoon’s daze breaks from the wall he had been staring at for the past few hours as he shuts his eyes, pretending to sleep in hopes Wonsik will buy it. But there is a thump on the bed that caused his body to jolt and he knows he is out of luck.

“Come here.”

“I’m sleeping.”

“No you’re not. You’re half off the bed. I can’t even reach you.”

“I’m sleeping.”

“Taekwoon.” Wonsik dropped honorifics within their home a while ago and Taekwoon often regrets ever agreeing to it. “What’s wrong?”

There’s a long pause because Taekwoon holds the words on the tip of his tongue, sifting through them in attempt to take his emotions out to not scare the other. He turns his body back towards Wonsik, who appears _so far away_ , too far, that he moves just slightly closer out of necessity. “Do you really want to tell your family?”

Wonsik stares, his lips curved up in almost a proud sense. “Yes.”

The sternness of his voice has Taekwoon biting his lip, now desperately holding his emotions back from erupting, and presses his forehead down against the pillow.

“Is that what you’re all worried about?”

Instead of being pulled, Taekwoon feels movement in the mattress until he can sense Wonsik beside him and a warm hand holding his shoulder. He turns his head back to look and Wonsik is close enough to breathe against his skin.

“Please don’t. Please don’t do it. Don’t tell them, Wonsik. What if—”

“Whoa, whoa, hey,” Wonsik takes his hands while stopping him. They’re sitting up a little now and Taekwoon’s breathing so heavily he’s almost embarrassed. All the drowsiness has left Wonsik’s face and he’s not smiling anymore. “What if, what?”

Taekwoon can’t understand how Wonsik’s so relaxed. He can’t understand how he’s not afraid. He calms slightly, looking away to take a deep breath, squeezing Wonsik’s fingers as he asks, “Aren’t you scared?”

“A little bit.”

“I’m scared,” he admits quickly, as if Wonsik couldn’t already tell, but continues, slower, more in control, “I don’t want to you go through what I went through. I don’t want you to regret things. _They’re your family._ ”

“I love my family.”

And those words triggered something in Taekwoon’s brain to make him say something he’d regret. “I’m not your everything, Wonsik. You’re still young, you still have so much going well for you. You don’t need to put your relationship with your family on the line because of me.”

Wonsik simply stares at him as if he expects him to keep going, keep spewing nonsense, but eventually his tone goes soft and he asks, “What are you even talking about?”

Taekwoon’s head is spinning with words and feelings and emotions that he almost feels nauseous. He shuts his eyes, taking in the relieving darkness feeling in his head before leaning against the pillow again. A soft whine makes its way up the back of his throat when Wonsik draws one of his hands back, but he feels the movement under his pillow until fingers graze through his hair, pushing his head gently onto the younger’s side. He eases up to the warmth, nosing against Wonsik’s skin and finding relief within himself because of it.

“I love you so much,” Wonsik mouths quietly against his forehead. “After everything we’ve been through, I don’t know why you would think you haven’t become my everything.”

“I love you, too,” he says easily, truthfully, just desperately like he has never meant it more.

“Then why does anything else matter?” Wonsik asks with a fluttery chuckle, like he already knows he’s got this won.

Taekwoon knows a million different ways to respond that will crush the point Wonsik’s trying to make, but he only says the most prominent one. The only one he really needs Wonsik to hear. “I don’t want to see you hurt.”

“I know you don’t, but I promise… It will all be okay.”


	7. Don't Be Bashful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title: Don't Be Bashful  
> Rating: nc-17  
> Pairing: wontaek  
> Words: 6442  
> Originally posted: 08/16/16
> 
> {“They had planned all of this weeks ago, circling a day on the calendar, and staring at it yearningly during their busy schedules—just Wonsik and Taekwoon and an entire night together. ”}

His arms wrap tightly around Taekwoon’s thighs as he uses his leg strength to lift the elder just centimeters off the floor. For a moment, his mind reminds him he needs to work out more as his muscles scream from the strain, but Taekwoon’s feet dangle straight and arms clinging to his shoulders give him some sense of relief, even if it is only mental. He steps back, subconsciously lowering Taekwoon in the process, hearing the subtle burn of his socked tiptoes graze against the floor, and laughs out against the elder’s skin.

“I’m just excited, okay?”

Taekwoon nods, smiling up tentatively, lips so close Wonsik tilts his head slightly out of instinct. They had planned all of this weeks ago, circling a day on the calendar, and staring at it yearningly during their busy schedules—just Wonsik and Taekwoon and an entire night together. They’re barely inside the door, shoes off and kicked aside, and Taekwoon sits himself on the cool floor, laying back on the wood with a sigh.

He looks pretty, Wonsik thinks, with a plain white lightweight sweatshirt and plain black pants to match his hair. His lips curve with a smile and soon he’s sitting beside the elder, letting himself breathe in the calm atmosphere, and feeling the immediate change within his lungs—the fog of stress decreasing with each exhale.

“Hey,” his voice is quiet as he presses his hand on Taekwoon’s knee. “We’ve got the entire night.”

Taekwoon doesn’t respond, not that Wonsik expects him to. He glances up at the ceiling before focusing back on Taekwoon beside him. “God, I feel like I haven’t seen you in a week.”

“We were together yesterday.”

“Yeah, but only for a few minutes.”

“And the day before.”

“You know what I mean.”

Wonsik lies on his back, joining Taekwoon. The elder’s eyes gaze into his silently, and he holds it because something about the act feels so intimate and sacred that he doesn’t want to look away. So they don’t.  And his stomach feels light when Taekwoon’s fingers grasp gently at his arm, pulling it towards him. Wonsik doesn’t look, though, not until Taekwoon blinks away, tucking his face firmly against Wonsik’s neck as their bodies press together and arms secure them against one another.

Taekwoon’s warm and smells like he always does as Wonsik lays kisses on his neck, nosing into his skin. He’s missed Taekwoon. He really has.

They don’t move for a while. And it’s okay, not that time even mattered anymore. Taekwoon’s leg hooks over Wonsik’s within their embrace and at some point he begins to softly rut his hips against Wonsik’s crotch. The friction isn’t enough to send Wonsik’s blood rushing, but it still feels pleasant and tingly. He sighs slightly, letting his hand wander down from Taekwoon’s shoulder to the curve of his ass.

“Tell me about what you did yesterday. Well, actually, the past few days. I have no idea what you’ve been doing.”

Taekwoon hums, and Wonsik feels the vibrations against his skin, “I had a photoshoot yesterday. It was fun.”

“Yeah?”

“I think the pictures turned out well. The photographer kept praising me even though I was only doing what he was directing me to do.”

“That’s because you’re good at modelling,” Wonsik chuckles lightly, “Natural.”

“But I don’t do anything.”

“I just said it’s because it comes natural to you.”

Taekwoon shrugs the best he can due to his position. His hips break rhythm so Wonsik starts circling his own, and Taekwoon trembles initially within his arms, but continues on anyway. “I—ah, got lunch with the staff.”

“Meat?” Wonsik perks, suddenly excited for the other.

“Chicken, but it was still good.”

A lot more time passes, but again, to Wonsik, it doesn’t matter. The blinds cast a nighttime hue against the light of the lamp. Taekwoon eventually finishes catching Wonsik up on the happenings the younger missed out on and Wonsik vaguely gives him the boring details of his daily routine at the studio. Nothing exciting: a new song idea here, intricate lyrics he thought of there, and a story about how Sanghyuk spilled juice all over himself and the floor the prior night.

At least the last one makes Taekwoon laugh. He rolls off Wonsik, laughing too hard for it to have only been because of the story.

“What?” Wonsik questions playfully, sitting up only slightly to lean over him.

Taekwoon’s covering his mouth, although the curve of his eyes and the added roundness to his cheeks hide nothing, and Wonsik doesn’t even care to understand anymore.

“He probably deserved it.”

Wonsik gaps momentarily at the sudden burst of snark in Taekwoon’s voice. “Hyung!” And shock turns into contagious laughter. “He was wearing sponsored clothes.”

Taekwoon moves his hand and Wonsik immediately takes the opportunity to kiss him, both still quivering from resonating laugher. Taekwoon’s arms circle his neck and he steps a knee over the elder to hover above him, curving his back every time he leans in. The kisses are short, yet plentiful at first, allowing them both to calm down into them. Taekwoon responds to them wonderfully with tugs at his neck and by gliding his tongue against Wonsik’s. Twisting and nipping, and Wonsik’s mind feels fuzzy.

They’re staring at one another again. Taekwoon’s eyes are dilated and gaze intent, and Wonsik subconsciously runs his thumb over the elder’s cheek, feeling satisfied when his eyes surrender and flutter shut. He leaves a gentle kiss against his pink lips, one much different than the prior set, slower, more tentative and meaningful. Taekwoon’s mouth falls open against his, and he’s whimpering quietly, sending chills through Wonsik’s spine. His hands push up beneath the elder’s shirt, running over the firmness of his chest and the subtle curves of his body. The skin is hot to the touch and Wonsik just needs to murmur a quick, “lift your arms up,” for Taekwoon to comply, arching his back as the material is removed from over his head.

Taekwoon blinks at him expectantly, his cheeks colorful and expression enticing. “Here?”

Here meaning on the hardwood floor and Wonsik immediately feels the strains within his joints from holding himself up. He didn’t mind ‘here,’ really, but it all depends on what they plan on doing.

“Hm?”

Taekwoon rolls to the side and gets to his feet, the necklace around his neck falling back in to place against his smooth skin.

“Where then?” The elder asks softly, looking around as if he’s acknowledging their few options in the house he’s never been to before. “Your room?”

“My bed’s small,” he smiles almost sadly, but it was true. He’s had the same bed at home since he was young. Since before he had his final growth spurt. It’s almost too small for him alone, let alone with another grown male.

“Ah,” Taekwoon picks at his lips with his nails. He’s thinking, only pausing to bend down and grab his shirt off the floor.

It is Wonsik’s home. Well, parent’s home. Family home. They are on a vacation to Europe, as paid for by Wonsik, but he wasn’t able to go with due to scheduling. Still, the plan to spend time alone with Taekwoon is a perk, and easy, only a taxi ride away. And Wonsik is willing to do whatever it takes to make time with the elder, even if it means doing things he never imaged he’d do in his parent’s living room—let alone their home.

He blocks that thought. “There’s a rug in my room.”

And Taekwoon starts walking down the hall.

 

Wonsik takes his time trotting behind after the elder, carrying their bags with him. Being home brings back flashbacks of old memories. He walks down the hall and remembers times where he and his sister ran back and forth playing a game until the neighbors below them called and complained. Or when his mom surprised them with new shower curtain and his sister cried because she thought it was ugly. And when he turns into his small room, he sees Taekwoon standing before his bookshelf surveying all his old books and trinkets Wonsik has long forgotten about. It’s an odd sight. Taekwoon almost feels like he’s from another of Wonsik’s lives and yet he’s mixing with everything from the past just by being inside the room. It causes Wonsik to feel a moment of dizziness, surrealism, and he just stands in awe by it.

His room shines a light blue color from the shade of his light. His old desktop sits in the corner, but he can’t even see the keyboard under the amount of books and papers neatly stacked on the desk. He laughs to himself, thinking at how his mother must have _tried_ so hard to clean it up. He never was the neatest child. On the other side of the room is Wonsik’s old twin bed, plain looking, with gray blankets and one blue and one off-white pillow. Taekwoon’s attention moves to the wall above the bed where Wonsik has a poster of an American basketball player and a window overlooking a busy street.

“Find anything interesting?” He asks after a moment of patching his mind back together. Putting their bags down, he presses his front to Taekwoon’s back and drapes his arms over his shoulders. His skin is still so warm that it’s instantly calming.

“It’s so… You.”

“Well,” he laughs, “It is my room.”

“Your style has gotten better,” Taekwoon mentions while glancing down at the dark plum rug Wonsik had mentioned earlier.

“Hey, my mom bought that for me. She thought it would be nice for my friends to sit on when we did homework together.”

Taekwoon is amused by that. Releasing a quiet ‘hah’ before heading towards the bed, and Wonsik stumbles with the steps, not wanting to separate from the other. It doesn’t work, though. Taekwoon pushes on his side until he is forced to release his hold and sit on the rug.    

And the elder sits on the edge of the mattress, silently nudging Wonsik with his foot until the younger rolls his socks off.  Taekwoon smiles almost proudly at that and his eyebrows rise as Wonsik empties his jacket pocket with far more lube packets than they would ever need for one night.

“I—uh wanted to be prepared,” Wonsik nearly stutters out, collecting a handful and shoving the rest back into his bag.

“I don’t know what I got myself into,” Taekwoon scoffs while unzipping his pants and sliding off the bed to pull them down.

“Hey, you knew exactly what you were getting yourself into,” he snaps back, spitting words even though his main focus is on Taekwoon’s skin and the slight bulge in his underwear.

Taekwoon pushes on his shoulders until Wonsik’s back is against the soft rug and the elder is squatting directly above him. He cocks his head to the side, smirk on his face growing as more of the playfulness in Taekwoon comes out, “What do you want?”

Taekwoon reaches over passed the younger’s head, drawing the abundant amount of lube packets closer to Wonsik’s hand. “For you to hurry up—and this.”

Wonsik simply stares up at Taekwoon’s concentrated face as he works quickly to undo each button on his shirt, pulling it and his jacket off and to the side. Taekwoon’s tongue pokes out just slightly between his lips and Wonsik finds himself gripping the lube packets harder than he expects. He bends his knees against the elder’s body once he is touched, Taekwoon’s fingers glide down his chest warmly, leaving trails of heat stirring within his skin. Taekwoon leans down, pressing his lips to his collar, hands securely holding his sides, and he looks up at Wonsik with a serious gaze he only gets when he’s focused and horny as hell. It makes Wonsik’s lips curl and face soften with adoration because he always finds this mood of Taekwoon’s amusing yet extremely sexual all at the same time.

Taekwoon kisses him quickly—probably to get the stupid look off his face as soon as he can—and he welcomes him effortlessly, falling helpless and submissive beneath the elder. For someone who was telling him to hurry up, Taekwoon takes him time kissing Wonsik. And Wonsik has no complaints. He palms against the elder’s clothed erection, full and hard, and it makes Taekwoon moan against his lips and hold his waist just a little tighter. He pulls back after another minute, breathing heavily, and his hair falls over his eyes as he looks down.

Wonsik wants to say something witty to rile him up, but Taekwoon already appears incredibly aroused that he lets the thought go. He reaches for his waist instead, letting his hands linger against the elastic of his underwear, rubbing his hips slightly before pulling them just halfway down his thighs. Taekwoon’s cock curves up against his belly and Wonsik’s hand quickly gets batted away as he instinctively moves to touch it.

Wonsik flashes a look of utter betrayal, but Taekwoon smiles softly down past his bangs and the sight alone is enough to simply wreck Wonsik completely.

The lube packets crinkle as he curls his fist. “Let me…” he starts, scooting his body around so he can lean his back upright against the bed post. “…there.”

Taekwoon falls to his knees after the rearrangement, a hand holding Wonsik’s shoulder, and the other just barely against his chest. Wonsik brushes his hair out of his eyes before curving his hand around his neck, pulling him into a deep kiss, and breaking it with his other hand opening between them, letting a few of the lube packets fall against his stomach.

Taekwoon nods at the sight and Wonsik has already long known what he wants. So he rips open a packet, lathering a few of his fingers, and moves them underneath Taekwoon, pressing them only slightly against where he knows the elder wants them. And Taekwoon trembles slightly as he simply rubs the area, teasing, and pushing a digit against his entrance and his thumb gliding down his perineum. Sliding a finger in, Taekwoon releases a very audible groan that only encourages Wonsik to continue and pepper kisses against his chest. He goes slowly, moving his finger in and out, curving, and pressing against his walls. Taekwoon’s dull nails dig into his shoulders as he gradually adds a second finger. The elder throws his head back with another groan and Wonsik can only smirk and whisper a soft “wow” because he loves how loud Taekwoon can get. In order to keep encouraging the elder, he simply continues moving his fingers around, scissoring them, and circling them until Taekwoon’s eyes shut tightly and his lips part with heavy breathes.

He half expects Taekwoon to either stop him or batter him to _hurry the fuck up,_ but neither of those happen. Instead he leans in towards Wonsik closer, giving him perfect access to his neck, and places a hand atop Wonsik’s on his hip. His shaky fingers guide Wonsik’s hand to his cock that is already beading with precome.

He is sweating just watching the elder, his own erection trapped and ignored as he forces all his focus solely on Taekwoon. Wonsik takes it, moving his hand gently, softly twisting and drawing out as much pleasure he can for Taekwoon. His fingers, slick and knuckle deep, roll with the subtle movements of Taekwoon’s hips as he presses and massages a specific spot that has Taekwoon whimpering with every quick breath he takes.

He’s shaking and Wonsik calls a quick “kiss me” and Taekwoon does, cupping his face up, sloppily and wet, and Wonsik moans along with him, pumping his cock faster.

He comes fast, body trembling immensely, and with a soft cry to his voice. Wonsik’s movements don’t stop until Taekwoon completely stills, drawing back enough to gaze at the younger, and he winces once the fingers are withdrawn, opting to just sit on Wonsik’s lap soon after.

“Sorry,” he breathes out, flusteredly, “Sorry.”

“What are you sorry for?” Wonsik gasps slightly with a laugh. He wasn’t even the one to orgasm and yet he still feels spent, heartbeat erratic, and hot as hell—at least that is just his brain talking; his erection is telling another story.

Taekwoon starts fiddling with the zipper of his jeans and Wonsik’s mouth feels too dry to form words. He shimmies his hips as Taekwoon succeeds with freeing his cock by pulling his pants and underwear down in one go.

“It’s okay,” he pauses with a drawn breath as Taekwoon moves farther down his legs to leans down. “Taekwoon.”

“Hm?” The elder eventually responds with a hand gripping Wonsik’s inner thigh and his tongue trailing halfway up his shaft.

Wonsik groans just as loudly as Taekwoon had done so earlier. He has a hand in the elder’s thick hair, at first just to hold on to something, running his nails through the damp strands, but then changing to merely move his hair back to see his face. To see those few times while Taekwoon moves his cock in and out that he will glance up at him. To see more and more of his erection disappear between Taekwoon’s pretty lips.

It is invigorating, his blood pumps so fast and it’s hard to sit still, but he can’t move much with Taekwoon sitting on him. The elder’s mouth feels so good. Taekwoon’s so good at this and he never understands how he learned exactly how to make Wonsik melt so easily. His cheeks are hollowed and pretty, eyes shut peacefully, and fingers working up and down the remainder he can’t reach. Wonsik can’t keep looking for long because his brain gets too fuzzy and stomach turns just visualizing it.

His moans are long and rough as his rolls his head back against the cool bedpost. Taekwoon doesn’t stop and Wonsik doesn’t want him to. He knows Taekwoon’s aware he’s not going to last much longer. He’s sucking the head, rolling his tongue over the tip, as his hand twists at a quick pace. 

Taekwoon’s timing is almost perfect when he leans back, only using his hands to work Wonsik through is orgasm. And Wonsik’s loud and has an arm over his eyes, but he still feels Taekwoon leaving soft kisses across his abdomen. His body quivers and sputters with his choppy movements and pathetic hip thrusts to make everything last even the slightest bit longer.

“Ah, fuck, hyung,” he breathes out just one word at a time.

Glancing down past his arm, he sees a few lube packets still resting on his stomach and a mess of a mixture of his own and Taekwoon’s cum spewed over his skin. It makes him feel lightheaded in the good kind of way and he gets this sudden urge to pull Taekwoon against him and lie in bed for hours like that. But he remembers his bed is tiny and they are sitting on a rug that his mother bought him and that he’s a mess and his right hand is still dirty and lubed. Yet he still laughs when he drops his arm and Taekwoon’s looking at him, face flushed with color, and lips glistening as he licks the corner of them.   

“How did you get so good at that?”

“You’ve always been needy,” Taekwoon says simply.

Wonsik scoffs exaggeratedly, wanting to argue but not really finding the strength. “You’re needy, too,” comes out softer than he anticipates.

Taekwoon smiles, but doesn’t deny it. He picks two of the lube packets off Wonsik’s stomach and suggests, “You should wash up.”

“I can’t get up with you sitting on me.”

Taekwoon stands up and there’s a subtle unstable post-orgasm wobble to his walk that gives Wonsik mild amusement. “The bathroom’s down the hall and to the right,” he says, staring at Taekwoon’s ass as he timidly tries to cover himself in order to make himself more presentable in the younger’s house. He leaves the room and Wonsik remains still, sighing loudly like he can’t believe what he’s doing. And he joins the elder after another long minute.

 

Taekwoon sits in the center of the plum rug as he slips his shirt back on and over his head, completing his outfit once again. Wonsik, already dressed again, stares into a small mirror on the back of his door trying to make himself look like he isn’t exhausted. He gives up, knowing there’s no point, and opens the window in hopes to air out the room a bit; he still feels hot. He runs his fingers through Taekwoon’s messy hair, but stops once the elder stares at him and lifts his hood up. Good enough, he figures.

They run out faster than Wonsik expects, slipping Wonsik’s extra pairs of sandals on and taking the stairs instead of the elevator down. It’s dark out, but there are a few people around. Taekwoon is hungry so Wonsik suggested going to a convenience store a few blocks away that he hadn’t been to in years. He remembers it being open late and the owners would always give him discounts as a kid.

They walk quietly through the streets, Taekwoon always a few steps ahead of him, and the cool breeze has Wonsik finally feeling better as he shoves his fists in his jacket pockets for warmth.

The lights of the store are bright in contrast to the little moonlight from outdoors. Wonsik enters in after Taekwoon and a younger woman he doesn’t recognize welcomes them cheerfully. Taekwoon ignores her and turns down the second aisle, but Wonsik immediately responds, initiating simple small talk to let Taekwoon take his time without interruptions. And the elder sends a quick smile from behind his hood back at him as he surveys the store.

He wants to ask about the old couple who used to run the store, but he leaves that out as the woman twirls the end of her ponytail with her finger as she tells him about how not many people come in this late and she was getting bored. She leans over the counter a little more and Wonsik smiles because she’s so obviously staring at him that it’s nothing short of amusing.

Taekwoon drops a small plastic container and a single large water bottle down on the counter and it makes the woman stop talking, as if his presence has interrupted something.

“That’s it?” Wonsik asks and inspects the container. “Cupcakes?”

Taekwoon gives him a sleepy nod.

“We didn’t have dinner.”

“I wanted something sweet,” the elder clarifies with an almost innocent and childish look that Wonsik has no reason to object to. They don’t have sweets like this often.

He laughs a little. “Okay, hyung.”

The woman bags the two items up and they leave once Taekwoon pays. She tells them to come back soon and Wonsik makes a mental note not to. Their arms keep brushing against one another and Taekwoon breaks the silence with, “Did she know who we are?”

“I don’t think so.” Pause. “But I do think she was a little upset when you came to the counter.”

His eyebrows rise with that and a smile softly forms on his face.

 

It doesn’t take long before they are back in Wonsik’s room on his silly plum rug Taekwoon made another unnecessary comment at. The elder opens the container that has six mini chocolate cupcakes in it and carefully hands Wonsik one before taking his own, biting into it frosting first.

Wonsik bursts into laughter that has Taekwoon sending him a glance silently saying ‘what?’

“Have you had these before?” Wonsik asks, calming down slightly, and using his nails to pick at the cupcake liner.

“When I was a kid my sisters would buy these for us to share,” he nods into his answer, finishing the final bite.

Wonsik pops the entire cupcake in his mouth and quickly pulls a face realizing it’s way too sweet for his taste. And Taekwoon’s hand covers a laugh.

Taekwoon’s peeling the liner off his third cupcake as Wonsik leans against his side. Time may not matter, but it’s not stopping him from being tired. He thinks he can fall asleep just like this, against Taekwoon, within the comfort and safety of his childhood room. But that thought breaks when he flinches at a poke on his cheek.

“Hyung,” he cries with a whine, quickly finding out the elder rubbed frosting on him. Taekwoon offers him another bite and he takes it without thinking much. “It’s so sweet.”

“I know,” Taekwoon says softly while finishing off another one and reaching for the water bottle. He closes the container after that one. “Are you getting tired?”

“Yeah.”

Taekwoon responds with swiping his finger across Wonsik’s cheek to get the frosting from earlier. He licks it and runs his thumb delicately over the skin again, doing just the same.

“Thanks.”

“Mm,” he hums, tilting his head down slightly to look Wonsik in the eyes.

“Are you?”

He expects Taekwoon to say something along the lines of ‘I’m always tired,’ but instead he stares with his eyes half-lidded and leaves a soft kiss where the frosting once was on his cheek. “I’m never too tired when it comes to having sex with you, if that’s what you’re getting at,” Wonsik speaks easily, as if he’s confident he’s reading into Taekwoon’s actions correctly.

Taekwoon exhales almost roughly and drops his head at Wonsik’s bluntness and it causes the younger to simply laugh, confirming Taekwoon’s original intentions in his mind. He doesn’t waste time or let Taekwoon suffer any more unnecessary embarrassment as he wraps a hand around the nape of the his neck and pulls him into a hard kiss. Rough and convincing, yet still soft enough to slow down into, to ease Taekwoon’s lips open, to slip his tongue in, to find out he likes the sweetness the cupcakes have to offer much better this way.

And Taekwoon’s moaning softly, his fingers curled into a grip on Wonsik’s shoulder. But he pulls back quickly, letting Wonsik stutter forward as he stands up, and tugs his shirt off for the second time that night. He takes the elder’s hand and they work together to seamlessly pull Wonsik off the floor, immediately connecting their lips again; with hands on Taekwoon’s sides, skin smooth as ever, pulling them right against on another.

It’s fast and hot, kisses sloppy with passion and lust, and Wonsik shakes his shoulders after Taekwoon undoes the last button to get his shirt off so it falls somewhere on the floor. Taekwoon’s hands are on him, warm with a slight roughness to them he likes, and his jaw falls open with shaky breathes when the elder ruts their hips together.

He wants to yell at Taekwoon to hurry and take his pants off, but he isn’t even given the chance when the elder holds his neck, flicking his tongue over his lip, before kissing him just as deep as the last. They stumble together towards the bed and Wonsik leads Taekwoon with a slight push down on the mattress. He kicks his pillows at the top of the bed off when he climbs on above Taekwoon, making the most of the little space they have, and quickly goes back to kissing. They’re legs entwine, and Wonsik practically presses their hips together, letting his arm curve beneath Taekwoon’s back when he arches up.

Wonsik thinks it’s wild, the entire situation, his body finding so much energy and adrenaline in such a short amount of time, and the fact Taekwoon so easily shows his neediness to him at moments like these. But those thoughts don’t last long when Taekwoon has no intention of slowing down, moving down to run his lips over Wonsik’s jaw and neck, his way of giving Wonsik an opening to do something about their pants situation without ever actually stopping. And Wonsik knows this, so he does. Pulling Taekwoon’s pants down, giving his erection a quick rub, and physically feeling his own heart jolt when the elder shuts his eyes and moans in an immediate response.

He balls up the remainder of their clothes in the top corner of the mattress behind him, leaving them bare and hot, and almost completely against one another. Taekwoon’s hand runs up through his hair as they break another amazing kiss.

“Is this okay?” He asks softly, breathlessly, “Are you comfortable?”

Taekwoon stares at him blankly, like he wasn’t expecting any more questions, and he’s rushing to put his brain back together in order to answer. But he doesn’t answer. He sits up, causing Wonsik to go up with him, and he rolls over on his hands and knees before dropping to his forearms. And Wonsik watches all of this in awe, his eyes following the sharp angle of the elder’s back in this position.

“Hand me a pillow,” Taekwoon holds his hand out for one and Wonsik is already leaning off the side of the bed to get one for him. The elder scooches up as close to the back headboard as he can with the pillow directly below him.

Wonsik can’t believe what he’s seeing. His hands automatically run over Taekwoon’s hips as he sits back up to press his erection lightly against the ass directly in front of him. “You can’t be serious, hyung.”

Taekwoon makes a small noise, dropping his head a little against the pillow, and Wonsik’s off the bed, picking a couple of the forgotten lube packets off the rug from earlier. He’s back before Taekwoon moves even slightly.

His fingers are slick when he carefully pushes one in, and he gasps silently, realizing Taekwoon is still wet from earlier. “Fuck,” he mutters, quickly adding another finger to keep himself concentrated. He has such a great view, and he feels like he has never fully appreciated Taekwoon’s backside like this. As his fingers move to work the elder open, his free hand runs down the curve of Taekwoon’s back, brushing through his hair, before moving back up. He sees just how much Taekwoon’s body moves and trembles as he adds a third finger. Taekwoon squirms in such an elegant and arousing motion that his focus falters for a moment.

“Wonsik,” comes out stern, with a loss of breath, and a groan that stops Wonsik’s every movement. He pulls his fingers out slowly, carefully listening to Taekwoon’s involuntary reactions, and grabs some tissues to wipe his hand.

He opens another lube packet directly on his erection, giving himself a few immediately relieving pumps before aligning himself up with Taekwoon’s entrance.

“Hyung—”

“Go.”

The immediate quivering of Taekwoon’s thighs when he first slides in has never been more of a beautiful sight. Wonsik’s breathless, feeling the comfortable tightness of Taekwoon’s muscles around him is easily his favorite feeling in the world. The elder releases a few soft yelps and whimpers until Wonsik’s completely pressed to his ass, and he holds.

“You’re so beautiful—take your time—you’re just so fucking beautiful,” he blabs out within the moment. He can’t help it anymore—and he doesn’t even feel embarrassed since Taekwoon does the same thing when he fucks him.

With both hands, he presses them down the elder’s back, attempting to soothe and explore and distract himself all at the same time. Taekwoon’s entire body moves up and down with his breathing and his shoulder blades curve out in such a way that Wonsik finds himself focused on them until Taekwoon gives him an audible, “Move.”

And he does, in and out, in a slow, careful pace, with his hands holding Taekwoon’s hips tightly. He waits until Taekwoon begins pushing back on him before picking up the pace, going faster than he normally ever would, finding this position much easier to work with than he previously only ever imagined. Groans and moans are loud throughout the room, yet Wonsik doesn’t even register which are his own, the sounds of sex are overbearing and hot.

Taekwoon’s face is turned into the pillow, his eyes shut, brows furrowed and almost completely masked by his hair. Wonsik gazes at him without breaking rhythm, thrusting like he is only trying to get off when his mind is screaming at him how something is missing. He doesn’t like this position.

So he stops and Taekwoon whines in such a way Wonsik knows he’ll be embarrassed about later. He pulls out, despite all the objections his body has, and leans over the elder. Taekwoon’s lidded eyes open as he takes his hands, one and a time, and moves them just up against the back headboard. “Sit up.”

Taekwoon follows without objections, lifting himself up to the point Wonsik can press against his back and wrap an arm securely around his waist as he enters him again. They simultaneously release shaky moans and Taekwoon leans his head back against the younger’s neck. It’s sensual, slower, the way their bodies move together, hips rolling, skin sticking together from sweat, and Wonsik shuts his eyes with his nose pressed to Taekwoon’s temple and his hand pumping his cock to match the thrusts.

It gets more difficult to keep the steady roll of his hips when Taekwoon keeps shuddering and making _so many noises_. He holds onto the elder tighter, trying his best to keep him steady and upright and close against him. Groans pass his lips uncontrollably as Taekwoon’s muscles clench around him. Taekwoon comes in his hand and Wonsik climaxes just moments later, thrusting much faster than during the last few minutes, flicking his wrist erratically to keep Taekwoon going as long as possible. He stops once the elder quiets down to just rough panting, pulling out, and looping his arms under Taekwoon’s to hold onto his shoulders, bring them closer. And he kisses him between pants, short and soft, all over his neck, ear, and cheek.

It takes another minute for Taekwoon to start laughing, like he’s not exactly finding any of this romantic anymore, and Wonsik feels even more satisfied. He releases the elder and let’s himself slowly fall back against the bed, grabbing the one pillow saved in the process to put under his head. Taekwoon turns from the end of the bed, face relaxed yet tired looking, and crawls to Wonsik’s side.

Wonsik hums a little as Taekwoon lies against his side. They’re hot and sweaty and Wonsik reaches for more tissues and Taekwoon ends up piling them all used and dirty on his stomach. He doesn’t really care during the moment, though. His arm is securely around Taekwoon as he leans against his chest and they’re breathing returns to their normal resting rate after a just few more minutes.

They lay there, Taekwoon twists his nipple out of aggravation that he didn’t wear a condom, but he gets over it quickly, and Wonsik finds himself staring up at the same white ceiling he once did many times in the past. The surrealism from earlier returns and Taekwoon must have sensed it.

“Do you think you’ll ever tell them?” The elder asks softly as he places a hand gently against Wonsik’s chest.

“About you?” Wonsik responds quickly, already knowing who Taekwoon is referring to.

“About yourself,” comes out almost sad.

Wonsik scoffs into a smile. “Ah, maybe one day when my sister’s married… And has kids and whatnot.” He pauses. “It might be easier that way.”

Taekwoon doesn’t respond to that, but he shuts his eyes and Wonsik rests a hand over the elder’s, curling his fingers in between Taekwoon’s slender ones.

 

Wonsik has a quick shower and while Taekwoon takes his, Wonsik does his best to clean his bed and the rest of his room. The last thing he wants is for his mom to come home to a questionable mess. Cleaning up the sandals they wore, stuffing their dirty clothes into his bag, and taking out the garbage. He puts the cupcakes back into the plastic bag with the thought Sangyuk or Jaehwan might eat them tomorrow, but that’s all based on if Taekwoon doesn’t get to them first.

His adrenaline rush long wore off already and he’s beginning to feel the fatigue again. He looks at the clock for the first time the entire night and it’s nearly 4am.

“I’m setting the alarm for 8,” he tells Taekwoon when he enters the room again, hair wet and skin looking fresh. “Is that alright?”

“Yeah.”

Taekwoon turns the light out as Wonsik lies on the rug with the blue pillow that had been thrown off the bed a long time ago. And he falls asleep just like that.

 

The alarm blares at 8am and Wonsik stiffly comes back to life, moving slowly, stopping the alarm after three long minutes of desperately trying to ignore it. He reaches out around him, but doesn’t find Taekwoon, and that makes him get up extremely quick. Only to pause when he stands and sees a still lump curled under the covers of his bed.

“Hyung.” He considers crawling on top of him, but forgoes that thought knowing he would just pass out again. “Hyung, wake up.” Taekwoon stirs once Wonsik takes his hand and tugs.

They’re both exhausted and Taekwoon just puts his hood back on and leans against the wall as he watches Wonsik gather their things. Wonsik feels bad. He doesn’t have any coffee at home and it’s too hectic for them to go out and buy some. Too many people are out now and they couldn’t risk it being alone without a manager or permission.

Their stylists are going to be mad, too, but Wonsik doesn’t really care. Taekwoon’s eating something out of his kitchen as he calls a cab to take them to the salon. They have a full day of schedules again. A recording in a few hours, practice later that night, and more to come.

He shuts the door behind them, seeing the final glimpse of his living room before locking it. He hopes his family is having a good time and one day he wants to travel with them, but he has no regrets about last night.

They take the elevator down this time, movements slow and languid, and the cab sits right outside for them. Taekwoon leans on his shoulder as they sit side by side in the back of the taxi. He’s clearly not fully awake yet and neither is Wonsik, but he forces himself to stay focused so he can watch how the driver gets them there.

But no, he doesn’t regret it at all.


	8. Push And Pull

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title: Push And Pull  
> Rating: nc-17  
> Pairing: wontaek  
> Words: 1247  
> Originally posted: 05/18/15
> 
> {“Either way, nothing happens. His body shakes indefinitely as he grips the cold seat, facing reality in the best of places.”}

There’s a soft snoring resonating from his left side and warmth that cannot be explained during the fuzziness of morning haze. His tongue feels dry as he runs the tip over the top of his mouth, leaving an unpleasant sandy tickle through his nerves. God, is he thirsty. And as he awakes he notices a lingering nauseousness making itself clearly known (aka his body physically screaming at him for the mistreatment of the night before). He doesn’t normally drink that much. He doesn’t even believe he drank _that_ much, but his headache proves otherwise.

He rolls over towards the noise with a hand on his head and unconscious groans of moving sleepy muscles work their way up his throat. It only takes 2.5 seconds with staring at Wonsik’s sleeping face and an outstretched arm in his direction for everything to come back, hitting him hard like an out of control bus with broken brakes.  

He sits up, horrified, on the bed the two had slept in, had done acts on he has only ever imagined, has only ever repressed. His eyes won’t tear away from Wonsik at the same time his jaw won’t snap shut. Wonsik is unmoving besides the up and down of his chest; he is completely unaware of the mess that is erupting within Taekwoon’s mind.

Taekwoon remembers everything. He remembers them stumbling up the stairs of the hotel together after deeming the wait for the elevator was too long. He remembers laughing, hiding his face within his arms when Wonsik fell back on his ass in the hallway and having to drag him up, pulling him within an embrace. He remembers dropping him on the bed and Wonsik tugging on his arm in order to follow the act. He remembers Wonsik kissing at his collar, grinning fondly and yet he went along with it by pushing their lips together in a wet mix of intoxicated laughter and courage.

His heart jumps and body freezes when he remembers what happened next; his pulse has never felt louder to his ears. The sheets fly off as he pulls his legs back from underneath, tangled a little bit, bringing them close. His fingers graze over redder spots of his knees.

He remembers leading Wonsik to the edge of the bed as his fingers worked at the button of his jeans, silently popping it open and delicately pulling down the zipper. Wonsik’s astonished expression with his huge eyes and lips parted unattractively caused him to laugh as he dropped to his knees on the carpet below. He remembers Wonsik moaning within his touch, panting while his tongue teased the sensitive skin of his cock, and gasping when he hooked his arms around his legs, pulling Wonsik slightly move over the edge, and taking his length within his mouth. Wonsik kept pushing Taekwoon’s hair back from his eyes, to behind his ears, and rocking his hips with the motions like he was enjoying every moment of it. He remembers swallowing.

Rushing out of bed, his foot knocks over a full glass that had been placed on the floor on his side. Wonsik must have left it there for him. Water spills everywhere, soaking the carpet faster than Taekwoon can react. He stares blankly at the wet spot, body shaken with adrenaline and uncertainty, before finally deciding to make a move. He rushes to the bathroom to grab a towel, pushing it into the carpet with more force than necessary before finally placing the empty glass upright on the nightstand.   

Taking a moment to catch his breath, he collapses in a chair on the opposite side of the hotel room. Wonsik’s snoring gets louder, letting Taekwoon know he’s still fast asleep, unaware of everything outside of his dreams. He glances at himself in an adjacent mirror, sighing thankfully when realizing he’s fully clothed in his pajamas, unlike the younger whose collarbones are entirely visible even with the sheets half off him. Taekwoon sure doesn’t remember when his top came off, but he does remember Wonsik guiding him back on the bed, his gaze foggy with a serious expression as daunting as any intoxicated man’s face could be—which wasn’t much. Wonsik kissed him again, seemingly unaffected from where his lips had just been, until they both fell back against the mattress tangled up with one another. Taekwoon remembers shuddering when Wonsik’s burning hand reached into his pants, rubbing him into breathlessness as he clung desperately to the younger, coming much faster than either of them expected. Wonsik was too amazed for him to even have a moment to feel embarrassed. He remembers Wonsik giddily slurring, “Let’s do that again.”

With their underwear on, Taekwoon lowered himself atop the younger, grinding their crotches together in a way that somehow felt even better than their previous methods. Both moved their hips, Taekwoon in a thrusting motion while Wonsik seemed to circle his beneath. It didn’t really matter because it worked. The friction between their clothed erections created such heat that had sweat dripping down Wonsik’s neck and Taekwoon seeing that as an opportunity to run his lips over his skin, kissing, licking, and sucking only slightly when he has the ability to steady his breaths.

Taekwoon swears he might throw up as he moves into the bathroom, lifting the toilet seat up, only to sink down beside it. His body feels insanely hot and heavy and he can’t tell if it’s from his hangover or the memories making him physically ill. Either way, nothing happens. His body shakes indefinitely as he grips the cold seat, facing reality in the best of places.

He doesn’t remember much after their second go, figuring he must have fallen asleep quickly, hence no memory of the water cup by his side or Wonsik following him in the same bed. He begins to relax for the first time since waking up. It has almost been a full half an hour and Wonsik’s snoring still has not faltered.

What had happened was lust, he decides. Lust with a hint of something more that he denies in his mind even when he knows it’s ridiculous and not true. He just didn’t know Wonsik would be the one to make him crack. That one drunken night with his group member would end up unleashing desires he’s repressed since he became aware they weren’t considered normal.

Part of him wants to go back to bed besides Wonsik’s warmth. Where the same hand that touched him in lewd ways the prior night can press against his back to gently shake him awake, starting the morning out more pleasantly. But the other part of him fought it all. Fought back the desires he’s been keeping himself from in order to sustain a stable career doing what he loves. He doesn’t know how Wonsik will take it, how he will be when he awakes, and he really doesn’t want to find out. He has to leave.

Every part of his body is sending his brain signals to escape, to avoid the anxiety that comes along with confrontation. Taekwoon even knows it’s wrong—in fact he’s aware it’s fucking stupid—since there’s no escape. This hadn’t exactly been a one-night stand with a stranger he’d never see again. It was Wonsik.

Taekwoon glances again at Wonsik sleeping peacefully alone, sighing like he’s been holding his breath the entire morning, and grabs his jacket. He needs to leave—at least for now.

And he does.


	9. One Of Those Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One Of Those Days  
> Rating: nc-17  
> Pairing: wontaek  
> Words: 655  
> Originally posted: 05/10/15
> 
> {“It is one of those days again. Taekwoon shines, blossoming in front of his eyes with beautiful smiles and expressions of pure joy.”}

It is one of those days again. Taekwoon shines, blossoming in front of his eyes with beautiful smiles and expressions of pure joy. Wonsik’s gaze follows him around the room as he plays with two small children. His laughs fill the room when the children scream at him with random words and silly phrases only young kids can come up with. They hold their stuffed plushies above their heads and run around, circling the elder as he loudly hums an old nursery rhyme. Taekwoon glances at him from time to time, eyes curved with an expression that makes Wonsik’s heart want to melt away and a painful feeling rake within his gut.

They don’t even talk about what’s on both their minds that night. There’s no reason to. Taekwoon pushes him against the mattress gently as they kiss like the lovers they are. Wonsik’s eyes flutter shut with the overwhelming warmth of Taekwoon’s body above his, connecting the two of them slowly. There’s a different feeling today and Wonsik can’t tell if it’s with both of them or just his active mind creating scenarios that don’t actually exist.

He claws against Taekwoon’s back tightly, gasping for air with the push and pull of Taekwoon’s hips driving his heartbeat to ridiculous speeds. He feels Taekwoon especially well today. They had stopped using condoms months ago, but days like this make the feelings more apparent, more real. He’s more aware of Taekwoon’s intentions whether the elder even is himself. The intense care and passionate acts from the elder radiates through his body, tingling his every nerve, causing his toes to curl and desperate whimpers to spill uncontrollably from his lips.

He cries out, the sensations of Taekwoon coming inside him with the quick snapping of his hips are enough to make his eyes water, but not enough for tears to slip out. He comes soon after with Taekwoon leaving soft kisses along his collar and fingers carding soothingly through his hair, caressing him closer, skins sliding against one another warmly.

The way Taekwoon smiles tiredly at him eases his thoughts momentarily. He breathes deeply through parted lips once Taekwoon finally pulls out after a long, drawn out few minutes—longer than usual, he notes. He doesn’t feel empty though, not physically at least, but he feels helpless. Sad. _Guilty._

‘I’m sorry we can’t have children together,’ he’s dreamt of saying after days like this. The words don’t come out though. Instead he leans his body against Taekwoon’s and lets his arms hold the elder close. Taekwoon wouldn’t like hearing those words anyway and he knows it. It’s not like the fact would be a surprise, but Wonsik can’t help the pain in his chest or the thoughts of his mind cycle through every little step of their relationship they took together from the beginning. They had never planned to get this close, to fall in love, to dream of spending the rest of their lives together. Wonsik never thought they would end up in a situation like this. He never knew it would be this painful.

He’s thought about surprising Taekwoon with a puppy. Or even a cat if he wants, although Wonsik himself has never really liked them—he can do it for Taekwoon. Pets aren’t the same, though. They aren’t humans. They aren’t Taekwoon’s flesh and blood.

He thinks how they aren’t young anymore. They are in their prime and yet instead of making families they huddle up together on their bed, staring at the ceiling, simply wondering how things could be different instead of working to deal with them. This problem is quite impossible, though. They are both well aware of that.

At least Wonsik is positive Taekwoon goes through the same thoughts. He promises himself one day he’ll speak up. He just wants to make Taekwoon that happy all the time-—and sometimes he feels like he’ll never be able to achieve that.


	10. Chain Of Thought

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title: Chain Of Thought  
> Rating: nc-17  
> Pairing: wontaek  
> Words: 1168  
> Originally posted: 04/07/15
> 
> {“A stupid question that has Wonsik smiling to himself as he knows he’s got the most time since he’s at the end of the row. He drifts out of focus as he stares blankly at Jaehwan, giving the impression he’s actually paying attention.”}

“Give an example of how you would be romantic with your girlfriend,” The MC prompts Jaehwan at the start of the line of members. A stupid question that has Wonsik smiling to himself as he knows he’s got the most time since he’s at the end of the row. He drifts out of focus as he stares blankly at Jaehwan, giving the impression he’s actually paying attention.

 

_Wonsik never considers them romantic when together. ‘Them’ being he and Taekwoon. They don’t get cheesy with hearts and candles around the room or anything stereotypical like that. He has never even considered those things. He doesn’t put on a show for Taekwoon with dressing up or purposely trying to impress him. What is the point? He doesn’t care. Taekwoon always looks nice to him. Fresh out of bed with eyes half open, tired after a long day with wobbly limbs and ruffled hair, dressed up in a nice suit for an award show—none of that matters. Wonsik still would have no problem lifting him up on the bed in his pajamas he’s worn for the past three nights and touch him until he’s whimpering within his arms against the bounce of the mattress._

_They’d been doing this too long for Wonsik to be affected by simple so-called romantic acts. Not that Taekwoon pulls any of them either. They have found a system that works for the two of them._

 

He laughs when Sanghyuk says something vaguely dirty. Hongbin hits at his side and Hakyeon’s enjoyment with the situation becomes louder than the rest.

 

_Their first time having sex was a disaster. Wonsik was too inexperienced and ended up hurting Taekwoon to the point he was punched in the gut and Taekwoon spit out the words, “Never again.” He had to beg Taekwoon for another chance, but was rejected every time and eventually stopped. They ended up switching roles in the meantime—it wasn’t like they were going to stop having sex. They depended on one another too much for that._

_Taekwoon knew exactly what he was doing. His fingers pressed against the right areas to make Wonsik crazy and tremble underneath him, his tongue ran over his most sensitive spots with confidence he knew Wonsik would lose it, that it just became natural for him. Wonsik never complained. No matter how they did it, sex was always great with Taekwoon._

_For his birthday he begged Taekwoon for another chance, feeling more confident with experience. At the time, he thought that might have been the most romantic thing because once Taekwoon gave him the okay, he had never been more careful or gentle. It might have been the best sex of his life. From the overwhelmingly positive reaction out of Taekwoon, he wondered how long he was waiting for him to try again. Or if Taekwoon was just doing to Wonsik what he wanted done to himself by subconsciously teaching him. Either way, they hadn’t switched back for a while; they had their routine and if Taekwoon was happy, Wonsik was happy._

 

Hakyeon says something stupid and the members laugh again. Wonsik smiles along only to cover up the fact that he completely missed what was said.

On the same topic, his mind drifts back to just the last night.

 

_Mouths falling open, releasing breathy moans, once their bodies connected once again. Only for their lips to serve as second connection as they kissed, Taekwoon arching his back and bending his legs around Wonsik’s waist. Taekwoon lulled his head back when Wonsik buried his face in his neck, leaving soft kisses against his skin. Wonsik’s hand was able to slip underneath and hold the backside of his head, fingers gently caressing through his hair, as he let his weight settle atop of the elder. He swore they felt like one in multiple ways. Sex had never been more meaningful, so intense, intimate, loving, emotional._

_He pulled out after a moment, watching Taekwoon’s body slump with relief and legs fall against the mattress with a slight thump. The elder’s breathing was still quick and rough and Wonsik hummed as he leaned back, running his tongue along the crease connecting his thigh and hip. His hands held Taekwoon’s sides as he squirmed slightly from the added stimulation. Wonsik continued, moving his hands up and letting his fingers roll over the nubs of his nipples._

_Taekwoon’s hand was pushing on his head, “Stop already.”_

_“Hey hyung,” Wonsik started with his lips still grazing the elder’s skin and a hand leading the head of his half-hard cock gently up and down, teasing against his entrance. “Would you be up for another round?”_

_“No,” Taekwoon groaned, kicking his legs lightly at Wonsik’s side._

_“Ow, ow, okay!”_

 

“I would take her out to a fancy dinner and then we could spend the night at the beach,” Hongbin answers, sounding serious, but everyone knows he is just spitting out words to end his turn.  “I think that would be fun.”

“It’s supposed to be romantic,” Sanghyuk adds with a gleam in his eye like riling Hongbin up is his only intention. And it works.

“It will be both!” Hongbin jumps in his seat while shouting back.

 

_“I’m tired,” Taekwoon sighed out, letting his palm drop from Wonsik’s head and his legs calm._

_Wonsik leaned over him again, soothing him back against the sheets as they kissed again, and Taekwoon’s arms instinctively went around his back. Soft and gentle, everything Wonsik knew Taekwoon liked during their afterglow._

_Taekwoon’s hands slipped down his arms and his narrow eyes gazed into Wonsik’s. God, was he beautiful. Glistening from sweat, fringe clumped together on his forehead, skin still burning to the touch, cheeks flushed prettily._

_“Beautiful. You’re so beautiful.”_

_Taekwoon shut his eyes, fidgeting slightly underneath him from the comment, and Wonsik laughed. The elder was never a fan of that word, especially when it was used on himself, but that never stopped Wonsik._

“I’ll make us a nice meal,” Taekwoon says quickly, as if he had this pre-thought, and Wonsik nods knowing the elder has actually done this before.

“Oh,” Hongbin follows with.

“He’s good at cooking,” Hakyeon points at him while facing the interviewer.

All eyes face Wonsik suddenly and he jolts slightly realizing he never came up with a response. His body tingles from his recent thoughts.

“Yah, why is your face red?” Jaehwan questions loudly from the far side.

Hongbin bursts out with a snicker. “He is blushing!”

He glances at Taekwoon in shock to only find a blank face blinking back at him.

“No!” Wonsik cries, bringing his hands up to his cheeks in protest. “I was going to say we would stay in and watch movies together…” He spit out, voice getting softer and softer as his words went on.

“Okay, okay,” Jaehwan accepts it with an exaggerated hand wave and the laughter dies down with Hakyeon repeating “Ravi ah” to himself a few times.

“Next question,” the MC turns their attention back to Jaehwan.  


	11. Just How Things Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title: Just How Things Go  
> Rating: nc-17  
> Pairing: wontaek  
> Words: 16,374  
> Originally posted: 04/03/15
> 
> {“He lied in bed, soft breathing from Sanghyuk asleep beside him reminding him of what he really should have been doing, but he just kept thinking about Taekwoon. About how Taekwoon deserved better. And how Jiyoung also deserved better.”}

“This is my girlfriend.”

His face was like stone with expressiveness even when his voice faltered a little bit. They stood in the dorm entranceway with coats and scarves bundling their bodies from the outdoor cold, holding hands loosely while she smiled up at him, nervously yet almost encouragingly, while avoiding the five sets of eyes staring like a miracle had just happened and no one knew how to process it quite yet.

“Wow, Taekwoonie!” Hakyeon yelled first, fidgeting like he wanted to hug Taekwoon, but holding back for everyone’s sake.

The two younger members and Jaehwan smiled as they introduced themselves to the girl. Wonsik followed last, shaking hands and staring down at her large eyes. Something seemed off to him, maybe it was the tenseness in Taekwoon’s form or the amount of times the girl pulled on his arm, or maybe it was just because no one saw this coming—he wasn’t sure. The girl was pretty. Extremely pretty, tall, and stylish. A regular girl that Taekwoon explained from the hundred questions the members threw at him that she was his youngest sister’s best friend’s cousin, or something far like that. And that his sisters, along with his parents, set them up.

The members dating wasn’t unusual. Wonsik himself had a girlfriend last year, but things didn’t work out and Jaehwan was still seeing someone? Maybe? It wasn’t a topic that came up often between members. They liked the thought of keeping some personal aspects of their lives private and no one objected to that. This was just the first time a girl was brought to their dorm and the first time Taekwoon even mentioned he had one.

They didn’t stay too long. Taekwoon grabbed a different coat and some water and they were gone within a few minutes. All the remained was the overwhelming scent of floral perfume that strongly overpowered the usual manly musk that filled the dorm and the remaining five members left with more questions than answers. But no one was going to ask. That was the first Wonsik heard about the girl named Jiyoung. It wasn’t until over a month later she was brought up again.

 

“Wonsik ah…”

The door to his work area cracked open and he swirled his chair around to greet his visitor.

“You can come in,” he spoke through a smile, waving his hand idly.

Taekwoon stepped in quietly, headphone wires and multiple sheets of paper in hand, waiting until the door fully shut behind him before speaking again. “Can you listen to this? I feel like something’s off, but I’m not sure what.”

“Ah, sure.”

Taekwoon would often ask Wonsik for advice with songwriting and composing. They worked close to one another in their free time. Wonsik in his little area and Taekwoon was usually just a few doors down in a room with a piano. During some days Wonsik would be able to hear Taekwoon play the same melody over and over again, tweaking it only slightly each time until he was happy with it. Sometimes he would walk over there and sit in on Taekwoon working when he needed a break. There was always a relaxing atmosphere between the two of them at the studio.

He popped in Taekwoon’s earbuds and stared at a lyrics sheet Taekwoon gave him as a supplement. There were a lot of scribbled out words and notes on the edges, but he focused on following along with the song. It was pretty to his ears, soft with an obvious Taekwoon style to the instrumental. He could have easily written a rap to follow the flow if Taekwoon had asked him to.

“Hyung, I think if you make this part bigger the song would flow better,” he turned the paper back towards the elder with a finger pointing to the line he was referring to. “Also the note at the end seems a bit cheerful since the lyrics are sad.”

“Ah, you’re right,” he agreed without objection, taking the paper back to jot more notes around the areas Wonsik mentioned.

“It sounds really good though.”

“Thanks,” Taekwoon flashed a small smile following a relieved sigh.

From what Wonsik got out of the song was a soft instrumental with lyrics that were quite sad. It seemed to be about someone who was struggling with happiness and love. It was almost too harsh compared to anything Taekwoon had ever shown him in the past. He couldn’t help that the lyrics were slightly alarming in his mind. He wondered about Taekwoon’s inspiration for the lyrics.

Wordlessly, Wonsik reached for the lyrics sheet again. His lips pursed together once Taekwoon let the page glide from within his grasp and his eyes gazed over the words once again. He rolled one of the earbuds around in between his fingers, thinking, analyzing for any bit of information he could pull.

“The lyrics are pretty sad though. Nothing like you’ve ever written,” Wonsik mentioned casually and Taekwoon visibly stiffened before him. He could only stare back.

The small room trapped every ounce of awkwardness that flowed between the two of them from the small comment. It was nearly suffocating, and Wonsik knew he was beginning to tread on sensitive territory. Taekwoon wouldn’t have reacted like that if Wonsik wasn’t so keen on reading into things. He couldn’t help himself from questioning further.

“Hyung,” he paused to breathe, staring Taekwoon in the eyes. “Are these lyrics about you? Is everything alright between you and Jiyoung?”

Taekwoon remained still, eyes wide with parted lips as if words were on the tip of his tongue, but he just didn’t know how to say them. He obviously wasn’t prepared for this. And Wonsik already had his answer from Taekwoon’s reaction, but he still waited for some sort of response.

“We’re fine,” Taekwoon spoke quietly, relaxing his shoulders in the process—like a mental weight had been lifted off them once he vocalized his response.

Taekwoon didn’t always express his emotions easily, but Wonsik had definitely figured him out throughout the years. It was easy to tell whenever he was happy, sad, angry, stressed, and so on—especially when he was lying.

The elder took his headphones and lyrics sheet back and left quietly. It wasn’t long before Wonsik could lean back in his chair and hear the piano playing again in just the other room.

 

“—sik.”

It was so quiet, like a whisper that never quite made it out, and Wonsik stirred within his warm sheets. He groaned against his gritted teeth, muscles moving slowly as his short time asleep was being interrupted. The room was quiet for a moment, but Wonsik could feel the presence of another beside him breathing softly.

His eyes strained to stay open when a bright light from behind the figure was the first image his brain could focus on. The sun had been out when he first crawled into bed for a nap what was probably hours ago, but all traces of it were gone now. He didn’t even know what time it was.

“Wonsik,” the voice repeated again, this time grabbing gently at his wrist and lightly tugging it away from his face.

Wonsik let out another groan and shut his eyes tightly. He knew who was waking him up from his slumber. It certainly wasn’t Sanghyuk shaking him gently or Hongbin pulling at his limbs like his life depended on it.

“Hyung,” he whined unintentionally, sitting up slowly, the feeling of Taekwoon’s fingers around his wrist loosened. “What time is it? Do we have a schedule?”

Taekwoon was never one to wake him up, and yet he was sitting on the floor beside his bed. He was wearing sweatpants and a hoodie with the hood over his head, no makeup; he was not ready for a schedule either. Once Wonsik’s eyes could adjust enough to see his face, Taekwoon shook his head in response.

“What is it then?” Wonsik’s voice was rough and dry from sleep and he swallowed to relieve the subtle itch in his throat.

Taekwoon dropped his head and Wonsik watched his face contort as he tried to put his words together. “I need advice,” he finally uttered, looking back up at the younger, blushed cheeks faintly visible even throughout the darkness.

“Mmm, okay,” Wonsik sat up, scratching at his ear and folding his legs to his chest. “About?”

“Jiyoung’s mad at me,” Taekwoon sighed like just saying those words was a struggle in itself. This was second time her name had been mentioned the past week, just four days after their short talk in Wonsik’s work room.

Wonsik’s eyes narrowed at the sound of her name. “How come?”

He explained more than Wonsik ever imagined he would. He talked and talked, pausing only for short breaths and to flick his hair out of his face. Wonsik sat silently, giving Taekwoon all his attention. Jiyoung got upset with Taekwoon’s busy schedule and how he missed all her ballet performances. She hated how he could only visit her at random times, usually during the nights, and he’d never stay long.

Wonsik could understand those reasons. He’s had the same issues with his girlfriends ever since he debuted. Most idols had the same issues, especially when their significant other wasn’t part of the industry as well.

“She also gets upset when I won’t tell her things…” his voice trailed off softly, fingers absentmindedly playing with the loose stings of Wonsik’s quilt.

“What does she ask about?”

He paused to think, looking up above his fringe momentarily. “My family and my past… School and Vixx activities… Hobbies.”

Wonsik’s eyebrows rose at that one. “Those are normal things to want to learn about your partner. Does she tell her about her life?”

Taekwoon nodded, so he continued. “What stops you?”

“I don’t want to tell her.”

Taekwoon held eye contact with his words, making them seem stronger and more believable, like he was already aware of the problem long before approaching Wonsik about it.

And Wonsik was speechless. He didn’t know what to say or what Taekwoon even wanted to hear. Taekwoon ended up looking away, a short snicker on his face as if he couldn’t believe he just said those words out loud or maybe it was at Wonsik’s dumbfounded face. He was afraid to ask anymore major questions in fear he’d be overstepping his boundaries. Taekwoon was opening up to him and that had already been a rare sight.

“Hyung, what—what advice did you want about this?” His voice came out gently, concern growing within his mind even more than the questionable lyrics had.

Taekwoon gazed at him almost helplessly, like he wasn’t even trying to mask his feelings with this. “I don’t know exactly.”

 

Over the following few weeks, Wonsik became more observant with following Taekwoon’s moods. Things were mostly normal from schedule to schedule, day to day. He didn’t see much to be concerned over for the most part. There were times Taekwoon stared blankly at his phone silently without touching it for minutes. Times he picked it up backstage or in a waiting room and gently spoke, “I’ll call you back later. I’m sorry.” Always apologizing.

There were also the nights where Taekwoon would throw on his coat and leave without saying a word. “Keep your phone on,” their manager would warn him before leaving. And he’d stumble back hours later and pass out on the couch or in his bed if he made it that far. He seemed a lot more tired than usual. Taekwoon had long been a pro at holding in his thoughts and feelings. That’s probably why no one noticed how much this relationship had been affecting him. Wonsik almost felt sorry. Like he had hoped their relationship was good enough that he would have noticed this right away, but he didn’t. He wondered if Taekwoon hadn’t ever shared his song with him if he would have even suspected anything out of the ordinary.

He wanted to ask so many questions, like why was he still with this girl if he didn’t want to talk to her? Why did he still try? What was his goal with all of this? But he wouldn’t ask; it wasn’t any of his business. Only if Taekwoon approached him again.

 

And eventually he did. Wonsik couldn’t sleep so he left his room, taking his laptop with, as to not disturb Sanghyuk. He sat on the couch, alone, writing lyrics whenever they came to mind, but it was a slow night for that. It was just past 3 am when he shut his laptop. He knew he wasn’t getting any work done. If Hakyeon had caught him up he would have for sure been yelled at. He clutched a pillow tightly against his chest as he let his weight fall back against the couch.

He perked when the sound of the door beeping open interrupted the quietness of the dorm. A sudden adrenaline rush surged through his body at the thought of it being a manager or someone who wouldn’t be happy with him not resting, but he quickly relaxed when Taekwoon’s figure appeared within the shadows. He didn’t even know he wasn’t already home.

“Hey,” he whispered.

The elder nodded in acknowledgement before heading into the main bedroom. Wonsik shut his eyes again in attempt to relax from being startled. Taekwoon had always been very quiet, but he could still hear him moving around and turning on and off the water in the washroom. Eventually footsteps become louder and the couch sunk beside him with additional weight. His eyes blinked open to see Taekwoon sitting with his legs crossed just inches away. He had changed into lounge clothes and the tips of his fringe clumped together from washing his face. He appeared exhausted.

“Why don’t you go to bed?” Wonsik asked in another whisper.

“There’s no room in there,” Taekwoon shook his head and Wonsik sighed at the thought of the three members sprawled across the floor. Taekwoon tugged at the pillow he was holding and he easily let him take it. 

“Where were you?” Wonsik questioned out of curiosity and to break the slight awkwardness that followed the silence.

“With Jiyoung,” Taekwoon rearranged himself on the couch, curling up on the opposite end with his face against the cushions, clutching the pillow just like Wonsik had, and letting his feet rest against Wonsik’s thigh.

Wonsik wanted to ask more questions, but Taekwoon shut his eyes like that was as far as the conversation was going to go.

He fell asleep easily.

 

“…I’m sorry.”

Pause.

“I can’t see you tomorrow because I have practice.”

Pause.

“You were asleep… I had to get back.”

Pause.

“I’m sorry.”

Pause.

“Jiyoung, I’m really sorry.”

Pause.

“Forgive me.”

Then there was a beep, followed by a drawn sigh, and a light kick on Wonsik’s thigh that caused his eyes to jut open. It was still dark, so the light from Taekwoon’s phone seemed near blinding. The elder was almost in the same position as earlier, except a little more curled up, arms covering his face.

“Hyung,” his voice came out groggily and rough, and not exactly the tone he intended.

Taekwoon immediately lifted his head up, eyes wide as he stared. “Sorry for waking you.”

Wonsik didn’t even process the apology. Taekwoon appeared quite distressed and that was all he could focus on. “Everything alright?”

He sat up from his slouched position to witness Taekwoon’s face waver as if he was debating whether to tell the truth or not. He was so easy to read sometimes.

“Yeah.”

 

Wonsik would never push Taekwoon to talk to him. He knew that was why Taekwoon barely ever talked to Hakyeon about personal life problems anymore and he didn’t want to be the next one Taekwoon closed himself off from.

There were days the piano wasn’t playing, but Taekwoon’s voice was heard in small blurbs. He couldn’t ignore it even with headphones on. For some reason the agitated tone of Taekwoon’s muffled voice was getting to him in multiple ways to the point one night he shut down his computer and put his jacket on. He needed a break. He walked past the room Taekwoon was in and couldn’t bring himself to look through the window. His hyung was struggling and he didn’t know how to help or if he even could. He wanted to though. There was a part of him that just felt strained. As Vixx, they were in everything together and seeing a member faltering upset him more than he could understand.

He walked in the cold. It was dark out, so he didn’t need to worry much about being seen. With a short walk, his goal was to take in the fresh air, replay his composition in his head, and calm himself away from Taekwoon’s presence. He could only hope that the piano would be playing a pretty melody with his return.

But the building was quiet once Wonsik stepped back through the halls, two coffees in hand, cheeks flushed from the cold. He headed straight for the piano room and turned the door handle without a second thought. Taekwoon’s back was towards him, his head facing down, giving Wonsik not a single reaction to his intrusion. Wonsik’s best judgment told him not to speak, to let Taekwoon find comfort in the silence, and to just place the extra coffee down on the table the elder sat at,  careful of the papers covering most of it. It was probably the right thing to do anyway.

The clunk of the small coffee cup had Taekwoon glancing up at him with an unreadable expression that softened as he turned away, wrapping his fingers around the warm cup.

“Thank you,” he whispered, bringing the lid up to his lips.

“I went for a walk and I thought you might like one.”

Taekwoon’s eyes curved in a way Wonsik was used to—one that showed contentness, appreciation. Wonsik nodded as he leaned his weight against the table, looking down in hopes to steal a glance at the elder’s composition, but in front of him was only his phone, still illuminated from a recent text. The name ‘Jiyoung’ on the screen.

“She might call again,” Taekwoon sighed, but Wonsik couldn’t tell if it was a complaint or a warning. _Again_ , Wonsik repeated in his mind while taking a sip of his coffee. It was warm going down, relaxing, and he hoped it has the same effect on his hyung. But he hadn’t even taken a sip yet.

“Is she still mad?” He asked, going off the only information he really knew.

“She’s always mad.”

Wonsik frowned.

They both jolted when Taekwoon’s phone began to ring its soft tune, one so very fitting of Taekwoon’s personality, at least Wonsik thought. There was no hesitation from the elder as his fingers left the coffee and drew the phone to his ear.

“Noona,” he spoke in a distinct calm tone he only used with his family. It had to be one of his sisters.

Wonsik froze while Taekwoon stood, only showing his back again. He wasn’t speaking, but Wonsik could hear a muffled voice talking quickly. There was a protective feeling in his gut to rip the phone out of his hand that Wonsik had to repress. This wasn’t Jiyoung. No—he had no right to interrupt even if it was. He was getting too worked up over all of this.

“I’ll try.” Taekwoon sounded sad. So sad. There was a ping in Wonsik’s chest just from the straining emotions within his voice. “I know. I know she likes me a lot. I’m really trying. It’s hard, noona.” Pause. “I’m sorry.”

Wonsik watched as Taekwoon’s stance trembled. He lowered the phone from his ear and let his fist hit against the table with a light thump. He groaned: loudly, agitatedly, helplessly. Wonsik moved quick, putting his coffee down by the other and placing his hands gently on the elder’s shoulders. They felt so tense to the touch that he increased the pressure on his grip, letting his fingers circle gently against Taekwoon’s shirt. They remained like this in silence for another minute.

“Hyung,” Wonsik began in a whisper, “you know you can always come to me if you need advice or help with something. I know you already do with work related issues like when you need help perfecting a dance move or with compositions, like just the other week.” He paused when Taekwoon turned to face him again, his expression softer than before. Wonsik’s hands fell back to his sides. “I just don’t like seeing you like this.”

There was so much more he wanted to say. Like how he wanted to help, but he didn’t know how. Or that he was afraid Taekwoon would get upset with his meddling. Or that it would just drive them further apart. But he thought maybe just letting Taekwoon talk, get his worries out, might help in some form.

Taekwoon shut his eyes for a moment, his short eyelashes forming pretty shadows on his skin as he took a deep breath, exhaling, “I’m going crazy.”

Wonsik lead him back to the chair at the table, gesturing him to sit, and handing him the coffee again. He followed willingly, holding a concentrated expression that eased Wonsik’s somber thoughts. He sat on the floor, leaning against the wall of the room; coffee in hand was still warm and comforting.

“Why?”

Taekwoon spilled a lot about the events he had been going through alone the past few months now. His sisters, with the help of his parents, set him and Jiyoung up. They thought they were perfect for one another and their families had been close due to his sister’s friendship with Jiyoung’s household. Jiyoung was a casual fan of Vixx and showed great interest in Taekwoon. His sisters were ecstatic to introduce them, but Taekwoon really didn’t have the heart to say no to his family, especially when Jiyoung liked him a lot.

Jiyoung liking him so much was why he didn’t fight anything. She made things easy for him. Living alone, going to university during the day, and practicing as a ballerina in her downtime. It was convenient for Taekwoon to visit her at her home. Watch movies, cook together, relax with one another and relieve stress, experience intimacy. Things he hadn’t been able to enjoy in years. He liked her, liked the convenience of her, but he didn’t love her. He didn’t want to share with her. He didn’t want what she wanted.

So they fought because she would tell him everything and he would tell her near nothing. He would show up and then be gone for days, sometimes weeks, and hardly even communicate. And when she couldn’t contact Taekwoon, she would contact his sisters, who would contact his parents, all of whom would call him and express disappointment and anger. So Taekwoon would try harder to comfort her and treat her better. He just wanted her to be a source of relief in his life, and at some points she was, but it was becoming more difficult with the pressure from his family and the stress from Vixx activities weighing down on him. And because of the lack of interest he had with her romantically, it just caused even more problems.

That was about as far has Taekwoon explained for one day. He looked drained from talking, constantly rubbing at his eyes, coffee cup empty in hand, and he had even refused the remainder of Wonsik’s. It was quite late anyway. Wonsik called their manager to come pick them up. Taekwoon went straight to bed, shuffling his feet against the wood floor as he walked.

Wonsik was having another one of those nights where sleep would not come to mind. He had much more circulating the neurons of his brain, keeping him stimulated and awake. He lied in bed, soft breathing from Sanghyuk asleep beside him reminding him of what he really should have been doing, but he just kept thinking about Taekwoon. About how Taekwoon deserved better. And how Jiyoung also deserved better. Their relationship wasn’t fully beneficial to either of them. He could only imagine Jiyoung was as miserable as Taekwoon and yet neither wanted to end it. She still liked him and he still liked the idea of her.

As much as Wonsik wanted to shout and scream at Taekwoon for how he’d been treating Jiyoung, he could understand. He had been in situations like that where he just _needed_ someone or something to take his mind off his life. Someone to hold him, to kiss him, to feel deep connections with, and it’s amazing when you’ve been deprived of it for so long. They’re human. It’s understandable why Taekwoon didn’t want to lose that, but he also had so much pressure from his family pushing him not to give up and make things work. He could see how that would _leave him crumbling_. It reminded him of the lyrics Taekwoon had shown him. They really were about him.

Taekwoon never did ask him for advice. He just vented out a little of what he’d been going through. Wonsik almost wished he got more information, more examples, but he was thankful Taekwoon opened up to him even if just a little bit more. He wondered when they’d be able to talk next. If Taekwoon would come to him again. At least he knew there was a place they could be alone. At the studio. The remainder of the members would go home once practice ended or stay in the dance room. Wonsik’s little room was at the back of the building, and the piano room Taekwoon worked in was just a few doors down. They would stay later to work on other projects alone, sometimes for hours, sometimes Wonsik would stay the entire night.

 

And he did so about a week later. It was already the early morning hours so he remained at the studio, unfolding his futon and stretching his limbs out within the small area. He fell asleep faster than he expected, but woke up by the sound of soft knocking just minutes later. The door opened, banging into his foot, and he cried out a whine. There was a small black plastic bag being placed in front of his face. He blinked up to see Taekwoon sliding down against the wall to sit beside him, jacket on and everything.

“I brought you some kimbap. Jiyoung and I made it,” he silenced for a moment to stare, realization coming as he glanced towards the digital clock on Wonsik’s desk. “Sorry—”

“It’s okay,” Wonsik sat up, running a hand through his hair. “I only lied down like ten minutes ago.” He picked up the bag. It felt quite heavy. “Thanks.”

Taekwoon gave a single nod and then it was quiet again. Wonsik pulled at the knot of the bag, the crackling sounds loud throughout the room. “There’s a lot in here. Do you want to save some for the others?”

“No,” he only mouthed. “I’ll eat it with you. Jiyoung was tired so we didn’t eat much before going to bed.”

Wonsik gazed over Taekwoon’s features. He didn’t look as if he had slept. Light makeup still covering his face and his hair appeared well kept. Wonsik was too tired to hold back his curiosity as he popped a piece of kimbap in his mouth. “Did you sleep at all?”

“I just lied with her until I knew she was asleep.” He took a piece of kimbap as well, licking a stray grain of rice off his finger.

“Why come here? You could have gone back to the dorm and slept. We need to be up in a few hours.”

“It’s nice here.” There was a hint of a smile after that. Taekwoon looked tired, but peaceful, relaxed. It caused Wonsik to smile along. Part of him was happy Taekwoon thought that way.

“You don’t have a bed.”

 

The bed was too small for the two of them. The room felt way too cramped. He’d have to remember to have Taekwoon bring an extra one to leave at the studio like he did. Taekwoon fell asleep quickly, lying on his back with an arm above his head and the other stiff against Wonsik’s. His stomach grumbled from lying down right after eating. He wanted to sleep, Taekwoon’s warmth beside him was more comforting than he could have imagined. They had used their jackets as extra blankets so they wouldn’t fight over the single quilt Wonsik originally had. In the back of his mind he didn’t want his closeness and snoring to disrupt Taekwoon’s slumber, but he also knew he needed sleep as well and didn’t really have a choice in the matter. His eyelids shut, mind clearing as he subconsciously synced his breaths with the elder’s, and slipped into sleep with the sound of Taekwoon’s phone vibrating against the desk faint in the background.  
  


 

It took a few weeks, but Taekwoon eventually got his own futon to keep in the piano room. Hakyeon approached him about his concern over Taekwoon sleeping in the studio rather than at home, but Wonsik was quick to defend him. If Wonsik was allowed to stay at the studio composing then Taekwoon had every right to the privilege as well. Their managers discussed it after finding the two of them sleeping in Wonsik’s little room multiple times and agreed to the arrangement.

Wonsik found himself enjoying sharing the studio at night. There was something relieving about knowing he wasn’t the only one in the building after hours. Taekwoon wasn’t there as much as Wonsik expected him to be, but it was within their free time and Taekwoon must have chosen time with Jiyoung over working whenever he had the chance (which still wasn’t much).

Wonsik would hear him throughout the halls and then it would be silent, like he had just come to sleep. He slept a lot, probably more than he would have back at the dorm. Wonsik wondered if Jiyoung exhausted him that much or if he was sleeping as an excuse to avoid phone calls or texts at least for a few hours.

Taekwoon came to him a couple more times with excess food he and Jiyoung made together. Once it was sweet bread and another was pasta and Wonsik found them both very good. They still ate together on the floor of Wonsik’s room.

“Jiyoung didn’t want to keep it since she thought it would be too fattening,” Taekwoon explained when Wonsik finally asked why he was bringing back such large amounts of food.

“Why make it then?” Wonsik cocked his head to the side, slurping a noodle and already reaching his fork towards the bowl for another bite.

“It was fun. It’s not really about the food, I guess,” he shrugged his shoulders against the wall.

“Just something to do?”

Taekwoon nodded with a subtle smile and Wonsik felt that he understood him even just a little bit more. Cooking was fun for them. A way to repress the hard times and just relax and enjoy. Taekwoon also mentioned he enjoyed watching dramas or movies together by telling Wonsik about the ones he liked. He was painting a clearer picture of their relationship with every little bit of information Taekwoon would share.

 

“What else do you two do together?”

Taekwoon stared up at him from the floor for a moment, thinking about this one. Maybe it wasn’t the best topic to bring up after he had just gotten off the phone with his sister over how Jiyoung had called her crying the other night, but he was interested and the two of them in the small room made Jiyoung’s scent more prominent from Taekwoon’s presence.

“That’s about it. We can’t go out or anything and she’s usually pretty tired at night… It’s good because she won’t really fight with me when I’m with her. It’s only after I leave that she changes,” his expression flattened after the last statement, exhaustion from the topic clearly visible within his gaze.

“She must miss you a lot,” Wonsik added in a soft tone, lightly spinning his desk chair side to side with his leg.

Taekwoon glanced down to pull at his sleeves. “Maybe.”

“Do you miss her?”   

“I’m getting tired.”

He wasn’t sure if that was a response to the question, Taekwoon wanting to end the conversation, or some combination of both. He did appear sleepy, eyes blinking slowly, with his face softening like he was losing his ability to stay concentrated.

“Go to bed, hyung,” Wonsik stood, stretching his arms up before offering Taekwoon a hand.

Taekwoon nodded a few times, gripping his hand strongly as he stood up. His weight leaned against Wonsik’s side.

He laughed a little in response and his hand quickly moved to grip the elder’s shoulder. “Hyung.”

Taekwoon didn’t respond though. His forehead was pressed to Wonsik’s collar as they stood still, quiet, his arms dangling limply at his sides.

Wonsik found it cute for a moment, but that feeling didn’t last long because he knew the reasons behind the action. His hand moved slowly, soothingly up and down Taekwoon’s back, pressing against him a bit more to keep stability.

 

The members had been sleeping for a couple hours, but Wonsik’s mind was working at full capacity. Fingers typing random lyrics he liked until he was able to put them together. He felt dizzy from staring at the bright screen in the dark for so long, overall hunger, and the fact his body was internally begging for him to sleep. But he wouldn’t yet. He was too concentrated even if his condition was making him think his writing was much better than it actually was. He’d figure it out later.

“Hey.”

Wonsik glanced up to Taekwoon waving his hand, jacket zipped, hood on. He had gotten home and Wonsik didn’t even realize. “Ah, welcome home.” He smiled. “Were you with Jiyoung?”

Taekwoon’s eyebrow quirked at her name, his bright eyes dropping a little bit, and Wonsik immediately sent him an apologetic nod. He ignored it anyway. “I was at the studio. I started a new song and I really like it so far… Can you listen to it tomorrow?”

“Sure,” he sat back against the couch, leaning his temple against his fist.

Taekwoon left to prepare for bed and Wonsik continued working and typing. His mind quickly focusing on his work again. In his peripheral he traced Taekwoon stepping around the table to sit on his left side, leaning over to observe his work.

Taekwoon felt extremely close, his warmth hitting Wonsik’s skin sent an unexpected tingle down his spine. His fingers stopped typing. Taekwoon made a small noise from his throat that broke the silence and Wonsik moved.

His hand curved around Taekwoon’s neck. It moved so easily, fluidly, that Wonsik wasn’t even sure he thought about his actions when he pulled the elder’s face the short distance between them. Within a momentary pause, he let their noses brush, lips graze lightly, and shared breaths quickly heat up the atmosphere. His lips began to move against the other’s, starting slow, but picking up once he could feel Taekwoon responding softly, tentatively. Finger’s gripping through short hairs was a different feeling than what Wonsik was used to, but that didn’t stop him from tilting Taekwoon’s head farther up on an angle. A nearly soundless mewl from Taekwoon vibrated throughout Wonsik’s mouth. Even though it was too late to be nervous, there was excitement spreading through his body. Taekwoon’s hand pushed against his knee, not roughly, but enough to bring Wonsik back to full reality as he took an extra second to suck on Taekwoon’s bottom lip before pulling back, hand still securely around his neck.

He cracked his eyes open to see Taekwoon’s still shut. His pink lips were glistening from saliva, face completely flushed. Wonsik wanted to kiss him again, but Taekwoon was looking at him now with a defeated expression, eyes half-lidded from uncertainty. Wonsik’s hand moved down to his shoulder, giving it a slight encouraging squeeze before eventually releasing him. Both of their hands moved back to their own laps as they looked away from one another, realization hitting Wonsik harder than he imagined.

“I’m sorry,” he gaped, mind all over the place from trying to figure out how to handle the situation.

Taekwoon didn’t speak, which made Wonsik even more on edge. The funny thing was he was more nervous about breaking ties with Taekwoon than he was over the fact he just kissed another male. A male in a relationship with a female. A man who just _cheated_ on his girlfriend with another man. There was something extremely alarming about the thought that he might have just aided in the destruction of an already ruined relationship, but his blood was pumping faster than he ever expected, nerves tingling with arousal and fear.  He didn’t even think about the other members who were in the dorm or what came over him to even make a move like that. Taekwoon’s face was just so close, his breath warm against his cheek, and his body just moved without thought. He felt like an idiot, like he was going to throw up, like if Taekwoon didn’t say anything soon he was going to lose it.

He looked back over at Taekwoon, hoping to find some sort of relief. The elder was staring off at the floor, like he was in deep thought, with fingers jittery against his own wrist. He appeared calm though, easy breaths with relaxed facial features. The fact he didn’t look like he was about to punch and kick Wonsik was relieving enough, although Wonsik was still prepared to defend himself if he had to. The one thing in the back of his mind that kept recurring in his favor was that Taekwoon was kissing him back. He may have initiated and led whatever just happened, but Taekwoon could have resisted at any moment. He didn’t though. He didn’t resist at all.

He was going to make himself sick. “Hyung,” spoken out of desperation. “I’m—I’m sorry,” he could only repeat himself. “Please say something.”

“I don’t know what to say,” his voice was oddly soft, but immediately calming to Wonsik’s ears and heart. He still thought he might cry though.

Wonsik leaned back against the couch with a hand cupping over his eyes. “It was like a reflex—like I wasn’t even thinking. I know that’s not an excuse, but that’s what happened… I’m sorry.”

Taekwoon remained silent for another moment and Wonsik took the time to come to terms with exactly what had just happened. His fuck up. The fact his heart was beating so fast he still could barely think straight.  He removed his hand from his face to gently nudge Taekwoon’s shoulder. “What are you thinking about?” He was thankful the elder hadn’t left.

“You.”

There went Wonsik’s heart again. His mouth felt dry and he swore he might have seen the corner of Taekwoon’s lip curve up, but he couldn’t tell from the angle. He swallowed, continuing, “And?”

“I don’t understand,” he sighed out, following Wonsik with sitting back against the couch.

They suddenly felt just as close as they did before Wonsik kissed him, Taekwoon’s warmth comforting against his side. They looked at one another for the first time in over five long minutes. Taekwoon’s cheeks were still blushing slightly, his breath hitched momently as Wonsik watched his teeth pull slightly on his bottom lip.

“You were kissing back.” It reminded Wonsik.

Taekwoon eyes looked down at the couch cushion. “I—wasn’t thinking either.”

Wonsik stared blankly at his dimmed computer screen where their reflections were clearly seen. They both appeared exhausted and words just spilled out. “Want to just forget that ever happened?”

Taekwoon didn’t respond, standing up like he was finally about to leave the conversation, the situation, and move on like he was saying ‘yes’. He paced slowly, the soles of his feet barely lifting off the floor as he walked, and he disappeared into the main bedroom.

Wonsik didn’t sleep that night and Taekwoon never shared his new composition with him.

 

 

Spring was finally starting to show signs of beginning. The weather had gotten warmer and Wonsik had picked up the habit of taking more late night walks whenever he stayed at the studio. He liked the calming feeling of the cool nighttime air within his lungs and the freedom he felt from wandering. He wouldn’t even tell Taekwoon when he left—they were weird with one another anyway. Taekwoon would knock on his door with a, “Want a ride home?” whenever he had called their manager. He didn’t really sleep in the piano room much anymore. Sometimes Wonsik would leave for a walk and come back to all the lights off and the studio silent as Taekwoon just left without him.

Wonsik didn’t think their behavior was obvious unless they were alone, but even that still bothered him. He felt as if all the information Taekwoon had shared with him had become outdated and that he completely lost touch with all that had been going on with the elder and his girlfriend. He didn’t appear any happier, but maybe he just didn’t know anymore. Wonsik certainly wasn’t happier.

 

_“Come home. We’re having a meeting. And get Taekwoon! He’s not answering his phone!!!”_ Hakyeon texted him one evening. A night where Taekwoon was also in the studio.

A sweet melody was playing from within the piano room, one that Wonsik hadn’t heard before, and Taekwoon’s voice was loud as he sang along. Wonsik slipped through the door, taking a seat at the small table in the corner. Taekwoon didn’t stop; he was too immersed, fingers moving across the keys with ease like he was well practiced with this song already.

A smile grew on Wonsik’s face when Taekwoon finished his last note and the music stopped. He clapped his hands and Taekwoon glanced at him with wide eyes.

“I really liked that, hyung.”

“I’ve been meaning to show you…” he trailed off and looked away, standing up from behind the piano.

“Can you play it again for me tomorrow?”

Taekwoon nodded his head twice and a familiar warmth took over Wonsik’s body. The elder showed a small smile as he stepped back towards the table to grab a pencil, jotting down more notes like he always did.

“We need to go home now. Hakyeon hyung said he couldn’t contact you.”

“Ah,” was all Taekwoon responded with, reaching his arm into the deepest pocket of his bag to find his phone. Wonsik wondered why his phone was there when it was normally glued to his side. Well, he didn’t actually have to wonder too much.

 

“Taekwoonie, make some ramyun for us since you didn’t respond to me and I worried,” Hakyeon gave him a 6-pack and a stern look that made the younger members giggle. “You, too,” he turned to Wonsik, pointing a finger in his face. “Help him.”

“Okay,” Wonsik blinked a few times before glancing at Taekwoon who just sighed.

The remaining members left them alone and talked amongst themselves in the living room. Taekwoon did most of the cooking, granted it wasn’t much, and Wonsik took care of getting out bowls and setting their little table up. Taekwoon stood against the wall, watching him while waiting for the water to boil on the stove.

By the time Taekwoon was dropping in the noodles, Wonsik was just standing beside him without anything else to do. He considered joining the other members, but Taekwoon didn’t seem bothered by his presence in the small kitchen so he stayed since the air between them was nice.

“Hand me those,” the elder held out his hand. Wonsik grabbed a pair of chopsticks on the counter and carefully passed them over. The act made him feel somewhat useful. Taekwoon left for a moment into the other room and Wonsik idly stirred the noodles around within the boiling water. It was boring as he waited.

“You’ll break them if you do that too much,” Taekwoon grabbed at his arm as Wonsik stepped back, only catching the sleeve of his sweatshirt, and pulled a little until he stopped.

Wonsik tilted his head with a smug grin, playfully leaning back in towards the elder, “Hmm?”

Taekwoon’s head dropped with a smile and curved eyes, causing Wonsik to laugh out loudly. The elder looked back up while now forcibly pulling on his sleeve. His smile matched Wonsik’s, mouth open and teeth gleaming, and he shoved the younger out of the kitchen area. “Get out!”

His voice was loud enough that the other members took notice, eyes staring at the two of them with curiosity.

“Yah, yah, yah!” Jaehwan yelled, causing the others to laugh along. Wonsik returned to Taekwoon’s side, a hand on his shoulder, and still beaming a smile that was far from fading. Taekwoon simply ignored him and stirred in the seasoning packets silently.

Wonsik felt good. Laughing and playing around with Taekwoon wasn’t something he had felt comfortable doing in weeks. It was relieving, seeing Taekwoon respond positively, normally. Maybe they were both really forgetting about what had happened. Well, maybe it was just Taekwoon at least.

Wonsik was sure he’d never forget. It didn’t help that he thought about it a lot. He didn’t really care that Taekwoon was male nor did it turn him off. He had always been open-minded and, well, curious. He just never acted on it. No one stood out to him enough in the past for him to even bother. It made him wonder if gender ever mattered to him, but he tried not to think too much about it. He was supposed to forget it happened. But it was hard when whenever he thought about it he only remembered how much he liked it, how much he wanted to do it again, and how just the thought made his stomach have weird feelings. He wondered when he had gotten this stronger attachment to Taekwoon.

He shook his head while eating, ridding himself of the thoughts to pay attention to Hakyeon’s talk during their group meeting.

 

A week later they were in Japan for a concert. A larger venue than usual, seats nearly sold out. They finished without many mistakes and cheers so loud that Wonsik’s ears felt somewhat blocked after they left. They were treated to dinner, ordering an obnoxious amount of Japanese cuisine that they all somehow managed to finish, and some alcohol to celebrate the success of the show. Not enough to be drunk, but certainly enough to feel it.  

The hotel elevator jiggled as they moved up from floor to floor and Wonsik leaned his weight against the wall. His body was tired, eyes heavy, but he swore he could still feel the adrenaline within his bloodstream—that or alcohol. Or both. Their manager spoke, but the words didn’t even register in his mind. Sanghyuk was pushing against Hongbin’s shoulder and they laughed, voices echoing throughout the small, stuffy area keeping his attention.

“I will knock on your door at six tomorrow so be awake by then,” the manager reminded Hakyeon as he, Jaehwan, Hongbin, and Sanghyuk gathered in the hallway. Taekwoon’s finger held the doors open button, but his body jolted when Sanghyuk walked away with the others.

“Isn’t Sanghyuk staying in our room?” he asked in a confused tone.

“He is. Just make sure he sleeps,” the manager sighed, typing away at his phone. Taekwoon nodded silently.

Their floor was just the next one up and their manager left once they were in the room. It was small, like most hotel rooms: two queen sized beds, a television, and some random furniture they never touched. Wonsik shivered from the coldness of the air somehow being on blasting. It was freezing in the room.

“I’m going to turn the air down. It’s really cold.”

“Okay.”

The room went silent when Wonsik flipped the switch on the thermostat. He didn’t realize everything was so quiet. His ears weren’t used to it; he could still hear the ringing from all the noise that came from their concert. It reminded him that sleep was probably the main thing he needed and that he’d have to get Sanghyuk back from the other members before going to sleep. He assumed, being the youngest two of the three, they’d share a bed.

“Wonsik, are you going to shower?” Taekwoon asked suddenly. He was holding a towel and some pajamas against his side.

“Ah, yeah. You can go first though.”

They had gotten amazingly fast at showering over the years. Taekwoon was out in less than 10 minutes and Wonsik went in right after, washing off all the sweat, dirt, makeup, and tears from the concert. He felt so clean stepping out. Within twenty-five minutes of entering the room both were ready to sleep, each sitting on the edge of separate beds—Taekwoon on his phone and Wonsik flipping through TV channels despite it all being foreign.

“Sanghyuk passed out with the other members so we don’t need to wait for him,” Taekwoon tossed his phone on the sheets as he stood up, stretching a little.

“He’s just going to sleep with them?” Wonsik asked, a little surprised.

“Looks like it.”

“Ah, I get my own bed,” Wonsik kicked off the ground to jump back against the bed, arms out wide.  Taekwoon smiled at him, holding it back a little, and turning away slightly.

“What?” He whined with a laugh following soon after.

The atmosphere change felt drastic from just a few minutes ago. It was like the tiredness either disappeared or was so strong that they lost their sanity. Either way, they were in that giddy state already. Both on their feet, pushing on one another physically and with words, laughing under their breaths.

“I saw the slip you made at the end,” Taekwoon snickered, as if in a way to purposely embarrass Wonsik.

“No!” He yelled loudly, exaggeratedly, pushing on the elders arms playfully. “The stage was slippery!”

Taekwoon caught his steps and turned back towards Wonsik, the grin on his face was large and _stunning_.

“Well, I thought your solo stage was good. Hyung, you’re really good!” Wonsik ended up just complimenting the elder, momentarily forgetting they were picking on one another, and using hand gestures to enforce his strong opinion.

Taekwoon stepped closer, his smile faltering slightly as he spoke, “You’re good, too.”

He was suddenly really close and Wonsik’s first instinct was to pull him into a light hug, arms around his waist. They spun, stepping until the back of Wonsik’s knees hit his bed. “Thanks,” he spoke cheerfully.

Taekwoon was staring at him, his gaze stern, and Wonsik couldn’t help but look back. He kind of liked their only slight height difference—he stopped himself.

“What?” he spoke through a light chuckle, trying to lighten the mood again.

“Thank you,” he nearly whispered, expression relaxing.

“For?”

“Liking my stage,” his smile returned softly.

Wonsik couldn’t look away—this might have been the cutest thing he’s seen from Taekwoon all year and his body was reacting strongly from it. He felt a warm hand pushing on his back and Taekwoon’s eyes appeared narrow and assertive. He was tilting his face and it took Wonsik only a split second to react, mind fuzzing out blank, and following suit. They both moved in together, noses bumping lightly, and Wonsik gasped as their lips molded together. It was sweet, and way too short. His grip on Taekwoon’s waist tightened as the elder stopped, pulling back just enough to make eye contact again.

“Is this okay?” he murmured, breath hot against Wonsik’s skin.

“God—hyung, yes,” he laughed into their next kiss, immediately realizing that, no, it was not okay. But at the same time he didn’t care. Taekwoon’s lips were leading his and that alone threw his mind for a loop and tingles down his spine.

Wonsik sat down on the bed and Taekwoon easily slipped out of his hold. “Move back,” he motioned Wonsik, crawling on after him. Taekwoon tilted his face up, kissing him again while gripping onto his shoulders. Wonsik’s back hit the mattress within a matter of seconds, a hand in Taekwoon’s hair, pulling him down, and intensifying every kiss. The elder’s weight was on top of him, kissing him breathless, like no one had ever kissed him before. They felt so warm and passionate that Wonsik’s body trembled against his touch, heartbeat getting erratic. He could barely keep up. Taekwoon’s fingers curled at Wonsik’s jaw, allowing him to easily direct how he wanted their kisses to go, and letting him set the pace.

They parted momentarily, Taekwoon’s tongue tracing around the inner corner of his lips. Only then did Wonsik realize how desperately he was panting. He wasn’t alone though, Taekwoon was in the same state above him. They gazed at one another through half-lidded eyes, cheeks flushed red, Taekwoon’s hair completely all over the place from how he was gripping it. He was so hot; the air between them stifling. His hand moved down the elder’s neck, skin still warm and smooth against the tips of his fingers, causing Taekwoon to shut his eyes and tilt his head to the opposite side. Wonsik’s blood was rushing. He could barely believe what was going on. His hand stopped at Taekwoon’s chest, the feeling of his heartbeat just as fast as his own even through his thin t-shirt.

“Hyung…” he spoke softly, almost as a moan.

“Hm?”

Words didn’t come out; he couldn’t even form them even if he wanted to. He just wanted to kiss Taekwoon again, to taste him again. His arms opened, inviting Taekwoon back wordlessly, and wrapping them around his neck. Their lips were together again immediately, gliding against one another easily. Taekwoon was going much slower this time, releasing soft whimpers and breaths against Wonsik’s mouth.

Wonsik was incredibly hard, his erection obvious within his shorts. They were still fully clothed in their spring pajamas, hadn’t done anything besides kissing and leaving light touches on one another’s skin, and yet he couldn’t help but be insanely turned on.

He rolled over, taking Taekwoon down in the process, and making him gasp against the pillows. His expression there alone was enough to make Wonsik lose it. He swiftly averted his eyes, following down Taekwoon’s body, and showing a relieved smile through his breathing when he noticed the elder was just as turned on as he was.

He pushed his arms against the mattress in order to sit up and Taekwoon quickly grabbed at his wrist while looking up at him with large, extremely worried eyes and parted lips.

“I’ll be right back, I promise,” he hopped off the bed, gripping onto the furniture edges as he walked. His brain couldn’t focus on anything else.

He turned into the bathroom, fumbling with his steps until he could hold onto the counter. His eyes grazed over the small complimentary toiletry bottles all set up in a line on a little saucer: shampoo, conditioner, body wash, and finally lotion. He grabbed the last one, accidently knocking over two others in the process, and headed back to the bed. 

Taekwoon hadn’t moved, but his eyes were shut. Wonsik crawled back on the bed, leaning over the elder, and placing a hand gently on his hip—testing the reaction. Taekwoon stared at him, but showed no signs of resistance. Slowly, he moved his hand more inward, mouth falling open when Taekwoon’s eyelids closed again and his thigh twitched against the sheets. He palmed Taekwoon’s erection lightly, watching his face scrunch and soft moans pass through his lips.

He immediately wanted to kiss him again.

He lied back down beside the other, fingers tracing the outline of his cock as he kissed at his bottom lip. Taekwoon brought his hand up to his cheek as he moved in closer. They both worked together to get Taekwoon’s pants down enough to free his erection. Wonsik broke their lazy kissing to look, his other hand uncapping the lotion bottle, and squeezing a little out. It was cool against his hot skin, but still lubricating enough to do the job. His fingers curled around Taekwoon’s cock without hesitation, sliding up and down easily. The elder curled his body slightly, entangling their legs with the reflex, and Wonsik kissed through his moans, finding a steady pace to pump at. He could feel Taekwoon shuddering against him and he nearly lost it again.

“Shit, hyung, touch me, too,” he had to stop all movements to collect himself, making Taekwoon jolt with urgency to comply.

Impatiently, he got his pants down enough while the elder messed with the bottle and he returned his hand back to Taekwoon’s cock.

He gasped out a moan as quickly as Taekwoon touched him. He knew he wasn’t going to last long. He pressed his damp forehead against the elder’s, kissing him sloppily, while flicking his wrist faster.

Taekwoon’s hand pumped his cock quickly, twisting slightly at the head, and within a few moments he came. Breaths loud, groaning against Taekwoon’s lips as his body surged with pleasure. It felt like they had stopped kissing a while ago. Taekwoon came moments later, releasing whimpers Wonsik never thought he’d ever hear the elder make. Both their hands continued to move slowly, drawing out their orgasms as much as they could, and Wonsik wasn’t even sure how. He barely even knew what was going on anymore. He just knew Taekwoon’s cloudy eyes were staring at his and that his entire body tingled and pulsated with resonating pleasure.

He was burning and regretting the fact he ever turned the air conditioning off. Taekwoon releasing hot puffs against his face wasn’t helping either. His hand stopped moving once Taekwoon’s cock softened within his grip. He pressed a couple of his fingers together, feeling the wet mixture of lotion and warm cum, and fully grasping the idea of what exactly he just did—or, well, caused.

Taekwoon retracted his arm as well and Wonsik just gaped as it appeared the same as his own. This was all so new to him. He watched the elder reach for tissues and gently hand him a couple before tending to himself. He rolled on his back, eyes closing as he worked to steady his breathing and cool down.

“Wonsik ah,” Taekwoon spoke softly, his brain seemingly working better than Wonsik’s at that moment. He stood up fully, reaching his hand out.

Wonsik took it easily and was lead into the bathroom, his fingers curling around the elder’s tightly as if for more than just physical support. He watched speechlessly as Taekwoon grabbed one of their shower towels from the rack and soaked it with water from the tap.

“Lift your shirt.” Wonsik followed order, pulling his top up enough for Taekwoon to rub the towel against his skin, the cool feeling sending a shiver through his body. He hadn’t realized how messy they had made one another. Taekwoon even had to change his shirt. They finished washing up and Taekwoon pushed lightly on Wonsik’s back, leading him back to the bed. He crawled in, fatigue hitting him much stronger than earlier, but was surprised when Taekwoon followed, pulling the covers over both of them.

They hadn’t slept together since the few times on the floor in Wonsik’s studio room. This was different though. The bed was large enough for the two to have their own space, but they both remained towards the center, together on their sides, facing one another.

Wonsik wouldn’t have described the atmosphere as awkward. He was quite relaxed, actually. Taekwoon’s shampoo radiated a strong masculine scent that was different from what Wonsik was used to, but nice at the same time. Taekwoon was looking at him, eyes half-lidded from exhaustion, as most of his face was either covered by a pillow or his hair that had fallen back into place. His lips were in clear view though, glowing a deeper shade than usual from use.

“I’m not going to be able to forget this,” Wonsik felt like he finally was able to express a thought out clearly.

Taekwoon smiled lightly, shortly against his pillow, before flipping his body to face the other side. Wonsik scooted in closer, leaning his forehead against the back of Taekwoon’s neck, and shutting his eyes.

 

He kept waking up in the middle of the night, though. They had naturally rolled away from one another, each on opposite sides of the bed. It was 4 am when Wonsik got up, aimlessly pacing around the small hotel room with wobbly legs.

He sat against the unused bed, facing the elder. Taekwoon was sleeping away, breathing almost soundlessly with his fists curled by his face. He looked young and innocent, peaceful and cute, at least to Wonsik.

Besides the overwhelmingly heavy headache he had, he felt his body had calmed, mind clear from all that had happened. He spent a lot of time sitting still; he didn’t know where to go from there.

It was a rush, he and Taekwoon. A rush he would definitely do again, happily, sober or not. He wanted to know what Taekwoon thought of it all, he wanted to ask him so many questions that he just couldn’t form earlier.

He leaned back on the bed, sheets cold and unwelcoming to his skin, and he pulled out Taekwoon’s phone that had gotten squished beneath his body. It glowed within his hand from some button accidently being pressed from his fall, causing his eyes to squint. He glanced curiously at the message previews on the lock screen. Three were from Jiyoung. One message starting with, ‘ _I miss you .. ’_ and another one with ‘ _I’ll pick you up when you return fro .. ’_

And he tossed the phone above his head with a soft groan.

_Right. Jiyoung._

 

Wonsik slept on Hakyeon’s shoulder the entire plane ride back. Only to crash in his bed back in the dorm upon their arrival. Taekwoon disappeared again that night.

 

 

“Hyung,” Wonsik breathed out, sitting on the floor of the piano room two nights later.

Taekwoon stood in the doorway with large eyes paired with a concerned expression. He knew Wonsik was going to be waiting for him. Wonsik wasn’t one for uncertainty; he had texted the elder hours ago to meet with him as soon as he could. He didn’t even ask. He simply stated.

He felt like crying. Like tears were going to slip out uncontrollably. It wasn’t that he was sad or angry at Taekwoon or himself, he was overwhelmed. His thoughts had been piling up every conscious hour since they had stepped off the plane back in Korea and he hadn’t had any time to talk with Taekwoon or make sense of anything that had happened.

Taekwoon must have sensed his wavering as he got on his knees before him and they stared; eyes holding contact for a few silent seconds, trying to read one another’s emotions to get even the slightest hint of how their night was going to play out, until Wonsik was the first to look down.

“I’m sorry,” Taekwoon spoke with a hint of urgency. “Wonsik, I’m really sorry.”

God, it was like déjà vu of how Taekwoon had been apologizing on the phone to his family and Jiyoung the past few months. Wonsik heaved a heavy sigh, forcefully shoving those thoughts to the back of his mind. He finally had Taekwoon’s full attention and an entire night’s worth of questions that he had to have answers to. He had rehearsed them over and over in his mind that they just immediately started to spill out.

“Were you drunk?”

“What?” Taekwoon appeared absolutely taken aback, blinking a few times.

“We drank that night. Were you drunk?” Wonsik reiterated, remembering that he had felt some of the effects himself, and Taekwoon quickly shook his head.

“I didn’t have much.”

“Okay,” Wonsik was looking past him, nodding along. For some reason breathing was getting more difficult. He didn’t know what to say next. Like all the preparation he made for this conversation vanished and his mind blanked.

“Are you alright?” Taekwoon spoke softly, cautiously.

“Tell me your thought process during that time. Or the time before. Or right now,” his voice got firmer, more demanding, but not enough to make Taekwoon’s expression change. The elder glanced down, breathing deeply before returning his gaze. He ran his tongue over his lips in preparation.

“It was fun,” he started and Wonsik perked. “The most fun I’ve had in a while. You surprised me at the dorm… But I thought about it a lot and we had the opportunity to try again and you were alright with it…”

“We did a lot more than little playful kissing, hyung.”

“We weren’t playfully kissing even at the dorm.”

Wonsik blinked at that. No one said anything for another few moments. The air was calm, but nothing was being resolved. “Where do we go from here?”

Taekwoon leaned in, fingers gently brushing across Wonsik’s cheek, and he began kissing him lightly. Fluttery feelings spread throughout his body and he sighed, the feeling just as good as every other time they had kissed. The gentleness had Wonsik withering. Taekwoon’s attempt to soothe him only broke him down more. He didn’t want it to stop, he didn’t want the connection between them to break. He had become so physically attached that all he wanted to do was hold and kiss Taekwoon for the remainder of the night instead of talking. But he couldn’t.

It was almost as if he could taste the sins on Taekwoon’s lips, the scent of Jiyoung’s perfume faint and familiar on him even months after their one and only meeting. He figured Taekwoon met with her after they had returned and Wonsik wondered how Taekwoon’s conscience was able to deal with going from one person to the next. The thoughts would get to him. He wondered if Jiyoung ever smelled him on Taekwoon, if she had any idea of any of what was really going on, if she even had a hint. He felt for her because he could feel himself changing with the situation.

“Jiyoung,” he breathed out mid-kiss in a whisper, causing Taekwoon to freeze. “Jiyoung.”

The elder pulled back a little.

“Jiyoung. Jiyoung. Jiyoung. Jiyoung.” Each time his voice became more clear, louder and stern.

“Stop—” Taekwoon’s voice was barely audible, his jaw quivering slightly.

 “You’re still with her.”

Taekwoon’s hand dropped from his face and he sat back against the floor.

“You’re still with her and yet you do this. Who cares who I am or what I am… Hyung, this is bad. Don’t you know what you’re doing is wrong?”

Wonsik was very wrong when he thought he was going to be the one who would shed tears that night. Taekwoon cried moments after that question. His entire face fell, teeth biting at his lip to stop the trembling, and tears just streamed one by one down his skin. He turned away, constantly rubbing at his eyes with his sleeves to make it all stop. Wonsik eventually grabbed his wrists, encouraging him to just let it all out.

It wasn’t uncommon for the members to breakdown. All of them had done it before many times for their own individual reasons. Taekwoon was a quiet crier, only sniffling every few seconds and shutting his eyes when he just couldn’t take staring at Wonsik any longer. He wondered if the elder was just embarrassed. He decided to talk as a distraction.

“Never in a million years did I think this would happen. I’m glad you came to me for help and support—I really am. But it’s affecting me more than I ever expected it to. Hyung, you, of all people, I just… discovered this attachment to you that I didn’t know I had. I didn’t really understand how much I wanted to get closer to you until I had the opportunity—until I noticed how unhappy you were and I just wanted to help you so badly that it got to me. You just… I… I’ve really been enjoying our times together recently.”

Taekwoon was looking at him again with glossy eyes and nodding slightly as if he agreed.

“I’ve enjoyed talking with you, working with you, playing with you, and, well, kissing you.” He sighed out a short laugh. “Who knew things would go like this. You got me, hyung.”

Wonsik spoke as if he were joking even when speaking the words felt like they came right from the stupidly soft and squishy part of his heart. Taekwoon’s tears had stopped, but he still held his wrists loosely.

“I mean, I guess this is just how things go. I’m not going to deny my feelings or lie to you—that’s dumb, right? We’re already too far deep into a situation like this. Like, you asked me if it was okay and I didn’t even hesitate. And you’re right, it was fun. Probably the most fun I’ve had in a while as well.”

Wonsik sighed, leaning his head back against the wall to stare at the ceiling. “It was really fun… and exciting. Like, I don’t even care that we’re both men.” He could sense Taekwoon looking back at him again. “I guess I like you, hyung,” he laughed again, bringing his head back down to face the elder.

Taekwoon appeared at a loss, staring blankly, and with uncertainty all over his face. He didn’t speak, though, but Wonsik could only guess at his thought process.

“We’re Vixx, we’re idols, we’re humans…”

“What do you mean by that?” Taekwoon asked softly, like he was finally starting to snap back.

Wonsik shrugged his shoulders. “The only way I can justify everything in my mind in a way that makes this okay.”

The feeling between them stifled after that. Wonsik didn’t mean to say something that would drop the mood, but he knew it was on Taekwoon’s mind and hoped it would ease him if he became aware Wonsik knew about their immediate issues as well. They sat in silence, glancing at one another, thinking; Wonsik’s thumbs rubbed against Taekwoon’s skin idly.

“I just want you to do what makes you happy,” he spoke softer than he had the entire time. “I know that’s what I’m going to do. That’s what I always do.”

Taekwoon nodded along again, stopping only to speak, “I don’t know what to do with Jiyoung.”

“I still don’t understand why you just don’t break up…”

“I’ll be letting my whole family down. We haven’t been dating that long and they say with time we’ll get through our problems.”

“Hyung… I’m sorry if this comes off harsh, but things aren’t going to get better if you two aren’t actively trying. From what you’ve been telling me, it seems you’ve long given up.”

“Maybe.”

“Cheating on her won’t help, either. I know you enjoy her company and all that you two do together, but you’re not supposed to be this unhappy in a relationship.”

“Should we break up?”

“That’s up to you. You need to stop and think if the pros really outweigh the cons.”

“What do you think I should do?”

There it was. Taekwoon finally and directly asking for advice. Finally giving Wonsik an open opportunity to say what he really thought.

“Honestly… Break up with her. Your family might be upset initially, but I’m sure they don’t want you unhappy. You just need to be truthful with them and how you feel about Jiyoung and the whole situation. It won’t be that bad. And even if it is… I’ll be here. I’ll be here to talk to you or distract you until you feel better. We can drown ourselves in work or spend the night out or watch a movie or cook together or… Whatever you’d like. We can go back to the dorm and sleep or forfeit sleep altogether and stay here together. No one is here at night and we both have beds now if we get tired anyway.”

Taekwoon pulled his arms back, breaking Wonsik’s hold on his wrists. He didn’t even move his hands from where they had been resting the past few minutes. Wonsik’s mind was more focused on the words he just spoke and how much he truly meant all of them. He had never felt more serious. It was almost like he was promising himself to be there for Taekwoon rather than simply offering his company.

“Spend the night out…” Taekwoon repeated under his breath.

“Yes, hyung. We can go out. Openly and freely—well, sort of. We would still need to be careful about being recognized, but I go for walks all the time at night and I’ve never had a problem.”

“We,” Taekwoon spoke against his curled fingers.

“If you want me there.”

“Yeah.”

 

 

_“I broke up with her.”_

The text glowed from his phone within the backseat of the car while he and Hongbin were coming back from a show they had filmed together. His heartbeat picked up, jaw falling open slightly as his breaths became larger, feeling more vital with each inhale. It had only been a week and a half since they had talked about it. He knew this was going to happen eventually, and yet his body still reacted as if everything was a surprise.

Taekwoon never gave Wonsik any idea of what he was going to do or when. They hadn’t had much time together since then and Wonsik wasn’t sure the elder would even take his advice.

_“Where are you?”_ His fingers slid against the screen, pressing the send button, and waiting for the icon to come up displaying Taekwoon responding. It showed up for a moment, disappearing within a blink.

_“Home.”_

_“I’m almost there.”_

He slipped his phone back in his pocket, releasing a sigh while glancing out the window. He was only a few minutes away. Hongbin sent him a questionable look from beside him, but thankfully didn’t ask anything.

The van parked and Wonsik already was unbuckled with his bags over his shoulder. His body was jittery, like waiting any longer was only going to drive him crazier. He knew Taekwoon was fine. He just wanted to see him, wanted to make sure with his own eyes, and be there for him if he needed. Their manager took his time getting extra baggage out of the trunk and Wonsik stared, desperately hoping it would make him go faster. He flinched when a hand fell against his shoulder.

“What’s wrong?” Hongbin spoke quietly, slight concern obvious on his face.

He took a deep breath while glancing up at the building. “Nothing, I’m alright.”

They finally made their way up to the dorm, Hongbin pressing the buttons until the lock beeped open and Sanghyuk and Jaehwan popped their heads out of the living room to greet them.

“Where’s Taekwoon hyung?” Wonsik asked quickly, sliding off his shoes and walking into the dorm without any pause.  

“Our room,” Sanghyuk pointed to their door with a hesitant expression.

Immediately, he turned the door knob, knowing full well the members were watching his behavior with concern.

The room was dark, lights out, and got even darker when he shut the door behind him. Taekwoon was sprawled out on the floor on Sanghyuk’s bed. His eyes shut, an arm stretched out to the side, and the other above his head, phone in hand. Wonsik flashed a relieved smile, momentarily calming enough to take his bags off and place them against the wall before sliding down on his knees beside Taekwoon.

“Hyung,” he whispered, even while knowing full well Taekwoon was not sleeping.

The elder looked up at him silently, lips parted, giving Wonsik the idea that he was about to say something, but instead he only moved. Taekwoon’s arms curl around his neck, pulling him down with his weight. He quickly brought his arms under the elder’s body, pushing up on his lower back to alleviate the strain on his neck. Taekwoon was heavy in his arms, but he held him tightly since Taekwoon’s grip had loosened enough that he would fall without the support.

It was intimate. Probably the most intimate embrace he had ever shared with Taekwoon. It was rare that Taekwoon’s armor faded and he let his vulnerability show. Wonsik could only recall two maybe three times within all the years they have been together where he’s seen Taekwoon break or cry for help.

“Work with me,” he exhaled into Taekwoon’s ear, muscles beginning to hurt from his heaviness.

Taekwoon didn’t say anything, but he kicked his legs out from beneath the blankets in order to sit up properly. Wonsik pulled the elder back against him, letting him lean on him, tighter this time.

Wonsik felt as if his heart might burst. Holding Taekwoon like that felt so warm and _right_. He kept one hand on his back and the other carding gently through his dark hair. Taekwoon was breathing softly against him, his chin perched over Wonsik’s shoulder and fingers lightly curled against his arms. His eyes closed as he leaned his head against Taekwoon’s. The silence between them was more rewarding than Wonsik had ever imagined. He wanted to hear Taekwoon’s thoughts and feelings, but then was not the time. Taekwoon was thinking too much, constantly, and he wasn’t ready to talk. He would have already if he was. Wonsik’s mind was active as well as he thought about how he could just fall asleep like that, lay Taekwoon back and shower him with whatever he needed until he smiled again. He wanted to do that, but, again, it wasn’t the time. The remaining member’s voices could be heard from the other side of the wall, reminding him where they were and that whenever Hakyeon got home he would bust into the room faster than Wonsik did.

It was only ten minutes later that Wonsik’s eyes blinked open at the sound of the door squeaking. Sanghyuk stood in his pajamas in the doorway with an uneasy gaze.

“Um,” he started, voice quiet, while staring at his bed being occupied by two others. “Hyung?”

“Can you sleep in Taekwoon hyung’s bed tonight?” Wonsik asked just as softly, sending him an apologetic smile.

Sanghyuk nodded and backed out of the room. He was such a good kid.

Wonsik turned his attention back towards Taekwoon. “Hey,” he hummed while patting the back of his head gently. “Let’s go to bed.”

Taekwoon ended up staying in Sanghyuk’s bed and Wonsik remained by his side until he was sure Taekwoon was asleep. His face appeared peaceful, like he was finally getting the rest he deserved. Wonsik wanted to stay with him, to sleep comfortably against his warmth like they once did, but he resisted it all for Taekwoon’s sake. Wonsik bundled his pillow and some pajamas in his arm, lingering beside Taekwoon for an extra moment. He made sure to take Taekwoon’s phone with him before quietly leaving the room to sleep on the couch.

 

Taekwoon’s youngest sister called three times that night, waking Wonsik up each time.

_“Hello, this is Kim Wonsik. Taekwoon is resting is now. He’s been very tired lately. He will call you back tomorrow.”_ He sent to her out of pure annoyance. The phone was silent the rest of the night.

 

Hakyeon questioned him in the morning about the abnormal sleeping arrangement of half the members and addressed the concerns the others had told him about the prior night. Once Taekwoon awoke, he sent Hakyeon to him, not exactly feeling comfortable spilling information Taekwoon might not have wanted to be known. They returned to Wonsik and Sanghyuk’s room, shutting the door behind them.

He stayed wrapped up in a blanket, closing his eyes once again in comfort, and idly listening to the murmurs and chatter of the members within the small dorm. It was only a few minutes later that the sound of a door squeaking open caught his attention and footsteps became louder. Hakyeon was laughing with Hongbin and Jaehwan in the kitchen already.

Taekwoon was wordlessly leaning towards him, eyebrows somewhat scrunched, as he held out his hand. He sat up quickly, reaching an arm out of his blanket cocoon over to the table.

“Your sister called. I sent her a message saying that you were resting,” Wonsik explained in hopes Taekwoon wouldn’t be upset with him not only taking the phone, but using it with his sister. The elder simply nodded.

 

That night they were lucky enough to have the studio to themselves—maybe Taekwoon had even planned it this way. Wonsik could hear Taekwoon’s voice rise and fall multiple times throughout the night. It wasn’t easy to listen to, to work to, or to sit there helplessly through. He knew this was something he could not help with, but he still wanted to.

There was a silent lull around 4 am that had Wonsik up and knocking softly on the piano room’s door. He wasn’t thinking of much, but Taekwoon opened the door before him. He appeared disheveled, hair a mess, and with his nails dragging across his arm with a lazy itch.

“Everything alright?” Wonsik asked lightly. He wasn’t exactly sure what to expect.

“I made her cry,” Taekwoon sat back down in his chair with a large sigh. “She cried a lot.”

“That’s kind of expected.” Wonsik followed inside the room, taking the only other available seat at the piano.

“I’ve never seen her so sad.”

“She liked you a lot, hyung.”

“I know. It was difficult for me as well.”

“But it’s over now, right?”

Taekwoon nodded before letting his head fall back. “My sisters aren’t happy with how I handled everything, but I calmed them down by explaining a bit of what it was like.”

“And Jiyoung?”

“I don’t know.”

Taekwoon had gone to her apartment to breakup in person. He was expecting a fight, but Jiyoung simply cried against his shoulder as he held her. He told her he just couldn’t do it anymore. Truthful and heartfelt. He wished her the best because even after all that happened he didn’t dislike her, he just wasn’t right for her and she wasn’t right for him. Wonsik could almost feel Taekwoon’s pain as he listened to the story. It made sense as to why Taekwoon acted the way he did the night prior. No one was going to come out of that unscathed and Taekwoon certainly didn’t.

His sisters didn’t think he tried hard enough, but he had an easier time fighting back with them than he did with Jiyoung. The two eldest were quick to let it go. Taekwoon said it would take time for his other sister to calm down because she was still close with Jiyoung and her family, but he had the support from his older sisters to keep her at bay. 

Around 6 am his phone rang and Wonsik’s sleepy eyes watched as Taekwoon swung the chair around and answered it. Only a minute into listening to the one sided conversation did he find out it was Taekwoon’s mother. Wonsik stayed quiet on the piano seat. The elder’s voice was tender and soft whenever he spoke; the soothingness was putting him to sleep. He let himself zone in and out, feeling comfortable that Taekwoon was alright from the tone of his voice. He stirred once Taekwoon quietly spoke “I love you” and placed the phone against the table.

They were gazing at one another silently. “Good?”

“Mhm,” Taekwoon nodded with a warm smile and glossy eyes.

 

It was nearly two weeks later before Wonsik had the opportunity and, well, energy to stay back after practice to work again. He spent a few hours alone in his room with determination to finish at least one song since he had fallen behind due to recent fatigue. Hakyeon knocked on his door at 1 am to announce that majority of the members were going home. Something in Wonsik gut skipped when Hakyeon mentioned Taekwoon wasn’t going with them.

He waited a little until the sound of the members fiddling around vanished and the warm calmness of knowing it was just the two of them remaining became obvious within the air. He shut down his computer knowing he didn’t get through as much work as he had hoped for, but it was good enough. The rest could wait.

His feet moved faster than he imagined when he found himself already outside the piano room, hand on the doorknob, turned, and pushing open the door without thought.

“Hyung?” He spoke quickly and Taekwoon only looked startled from the piano seat. “Hyung, let’s go out.”

 

‘Go out’ meant walking to the park a few blocks down from the studio. The streetlights illuminated the sidewalks as there was too much cloud coverage to see the moon and stars. It really didn’t matter though. The air felt crisp and fresh, wind cool against his skin, but not enough to send shivers down his spine. Wonsik had looked for a soccer ball, but only found Hongbin’s basketball and took that with them instead. They walked close together with Taekwoon holding the ball against his chest and his nose in the air like he was enjoying the free feeling Wonsik always talked about.

It was a school night so kids weren’t around and the park was empty. The basketball hoop was around the backside surrounded by a large grassy area. Wonsik remembered the few times the members had played there in the past and wished they had more opportunities to visit again.

Taekwoon began taking shots at the basket, missing 90% of them, and Wonsik could only snicker. Neither of them were very good, but he could already tell it wasn’t going to stop them.

“Hyung! You’re double dribbling!” Wonsik was laughing so hard he swore he was going to fall over. “That’s cheating! Hyung!”

Taekwoon was grinning at him, knowing full well what he had done and knowing full well Wonsik would let him get away with it anyway. They were running around, sweating, yelling, and getting aggressive within competition.

“Three pointer!” Wonsik shouted to the sky, ending the game with a win in his favor. Taekwoon jumped at his side, knocking the ball out of his hands, and tumbling their feet around the court until they steadied.

“Again?” Taekwoon panted into his hair, grip tightening around his body.

“You think you’ll beat me this time?” Wonsik sneered, giving the elder a playful push and running for the ball that had rolled behind the hoop.

Taekwoon sent him a cocky smirk, hand waving up and down, gesturing for him to hurry back.

 

“Hyung, you’re such a cheater,” Wonsik whined as they sat on a bench to rest. Taekwoon had won the second and third game. “Double dribbling and shoving are definitely against the rules.”

Taekwoon hadn’t responded, but he was smiling. Wonsik leaned his cheek within his palm while crossing his legs. “What?” he asked after a moment, his own smile forming.

“That was fun,” Taekwoon briefly turned towards him before focusing back on kicking the ball back and forth between his legs.

“Yeah?”

“Mm.”

He seemed like a kid, like his inner child was coming out. Wonsik always loved that feeling when he could still see it within himself. Times when he didn’t feel like an idol that matured too quickly or remembering he’s not really old. Taekwoon just appeared so… Wonsik struggled to think of a word to describe him in that moment. He just seemed relaxed, eased, in a way he hadn’t seen Taekwoon be in a long time. It was refreshing, almost relieving to his mind, and _he wanted to kiss him._

No one was around; he couldn’t hear anything besides the sound of the wind and Taekwoon’s steady breathing. He leaned in a slightly, leaving a small peck on the elder’s cheek, and letting his lips linger against his skin.

Taekwoon was looking at him again with an uneasy face while pushing lightly against his shoulder. “Don’t—do that,” pause, “here.”

“Sorry.” He was smiling again. He was just really happy.

Taekwoon stopped them at a convenience store, prolonging their night out even just a little bit more. They got some drinks and each a small snack for their walk back. Wonsik was handing the cashier his card to pay when Taekwoon grabbed his wrist and swapped it with his own. He didn’t fight him with this one; only nodding and thanking him instead.

 

There was an immediate difference in the air when they returned to the studio. Taekwoon disappeared into the bathroom while Wonsik went to return Hongbin’s ball where he had found it.

“Wonsik ah, I’m going to shower,” Taekwoon shouted from down the hall.

It reminded Wonsik about how sweaty and oily he felt himself, coming back from a day of practice and then running around outside. “I will, too.”

The bathroom in the studio was fairly large compared to the ones in their dorm. There were multiple stalls and three showers behind them. They used them often if they had practice right before a schedule and always had extra clothes kept in closets for those times. They had everything they needed, soap, shampoo, toothbrushes, and so on.

Taekwoon was already stepping out of his clothes when Wonsik put their makeshift pajamas on the counter, walking up to the elder. “Hyung, wait,” he spoke, letting his hands hover on each side of his waist, causing Taekwoon to glance at him. “Can I touch you?”

The elder looked a bit confused, but he nodded anyway. His hands ran down Taekwoon’s skin, gripping slightly at his hips to bring them together, subconsciously jutting his pelvis out as they stepped closer. He nosed against Taekwoon’s collar as his fingers grazed his broad chest, slowly moving down his abdomen. He felt the elder’s breath hitch against him.

“You’ve seen me before,” he said simply.

“Not when I’ve felt like this,” Wonsik deliberately exhaled into his neck. “God, this feels completely different.”

They ended up showering together. Warm water trickling down their bodies as they washed while quickly getting distracted by one another’s presence in the tiny area. They kissed a lot. Slow passionate ones where Taekwoon held onto his shoulders tightly, shielding himself from the streams of cooling water hitting Wonsik’s back. Wonsik felt like it was an entirely different world in there. One where there were no worries and it was just the two of them. Close and bare and wet. Wonsik thought of it as more beautiful than anything.

Taekwoon walked out once the water got too cold, goosebumps obvious on his skin, leaving Wonsik standing alone for a moment before he followed. The elder took his arm, pushing his back gently against the wall before leaning his body against his.

There was so much skin on skin that Wonsik nearly gasped. There was a major difference between doing it in the shower and standing outside of it. There was a chill within the room, their bodies still dripping and slick against one another. And there was also a mirror in which he could see their reflection through. Taekwoon’s arms were around his neck, pulling him down only slightly to level them off, and his hands quickly held his waist. The elder’s knee was bent in between his legs, but he wasn’t moving it. They just stood there, holding one another like neither wanted the moment to end with the interruption of the shower running cold.

“My mind is going crazy,” Taekwoon spoke while curling his fingers into Wonsik’s hair.

“Good crazy?” came out in a questioning hum.

“There’s such a huge difference.”

Taekwoon had a habit of voicing his own thoughts at times when too much was going on within his head. Wonsik could understand that much. So he held him, letting Taekwoon talk little by little, letting out whatever he had been keeping to himself. He talked about how he felt much different with Jiyoung. The intimacy between them was based on lust and relationship obligation and he just didn’t feel things like he did with Wonsik. He didn’t really understand what he was missing. It was his first real relationship since before his trainee days.

“It was so different kissing you in the dorm. Like, I could tell immediately from that. Wonsik, I don’t know how to explain it—”

“You don’t need to.”

Taekwoon nodded against his collar, hair tickling his skin. “I—like this a lot.”

Wonsik was about to reciprocate the feelings, but Taekwoon’s voice stopped him when he added, “Thank you.”

“For?” This all felt familiar.

Taekwoon’s hands fell to his shoulders again and he looked to the side. “Being here for me.”

Wonsik only smiled at that, his words sounding cheesier out loud than they ever did in his head. “I’ll always be here.”

They kissed a few more times before Taekwoon’s hand ran down his chest. He glanced back up, eyes large and questioning, like he was wondering how much he could do. Wonsik was already half hard—he couldn’t help it. They were against one another, kissing, and his heart hadn’t slowed since they had first stepped in the shower together.

Taekwoon stepped back against the wall of the shower with Wonsik’s arms around his neck and his face buried in between. Wonsik was panting hard. Taekwoons fingers were twisting up and down his cock; not at a quick pace, but more of a gentle one that would gradually make Wonsik crazy. It felt so good. Taekwoon’s body was sturdy against his, supporting his weight as his legs felt light.

“Have you done this before?” He questioned in an exhale against the elder’s ear.

“Mm,” Taekwoon only responded with. Wonsik moaned helplessly when his thumb circled a sensitive area just below the head.

“Ah—is that a yes? Hyung?”

“When I was younger… Before I met you.”

“Really?”

“We experimented a bit.”

“We?”

“A few of my teammates.”

“Soccer?”

“Yeah.”

“Ah…ah… Yeah. Okay.” Wonsik’s ability to put sentences together was diminishing as Taekwoon’s hand moved at an easy pace. He’d have to ask about that again at another time. His body was getting insanely hot. Taekwoon began placing light kisses against his neckline and his eyes shut out of pleasure. Neither spoke.

He was trembling, hips swaying unintentionally with the motion of Taekwoon’s hand. “Hyu—”

The pressure of the elder’s grip increased slightly and with a few faster pumps, Wonsik nuzzled his face even deeper against Taekwoon’s neck as he roughly breathed in the hot air. He came with a few groans that quickly died down into soft whimpers and a grip on the elder that was for far more than just stability.

 

“God, hyung, that’s so hot,” he scoffed through a flabbergasted expression when he stepped back and saw his own cum dripping down Taekwoon’s abdomen.

Taekwoon immediately shoved him back while reaching for the shower faucet. Wonsik yelped from the freezing water that was raining down on both of them and threw his arm around the elder’s front, pulling his back against his chest. He was laughing again and could even see from the side that Taekwoon was too. It was all silly.

The elder turned the faucet all the way to the side and within a few seconds the temperature changed and they both sighed within the warmth.

“Hyung,” Wonsik spun them around so the shower head was facing his back again. “While it’s still warm…” It ended with Taekwoon hunched over, palms against the tiles above his head, and Wonsik’s body pressed against his backside for a quick handjob before the water ran cold again.

 

Wonsik pressed his pruney fingers together as he lied on Taekwoon’s bed on the floor of the piano room. Taekwoon sat beside him after grabbing his phone out of his bag on the table. With the screen illuminated, he turned the phone to Wonsik. Just the time and date showed. There were no missed calls. No messages.

“We have practice in three and a half hours.”

“You’re in my bed,” his fist nudged gently against Wonsik’s shoulder.

Wonsik just smiled and scooted over, causing Taekwoon to roll his eyes, stand back up, and leave once more. Upon his return, he threw Wonsik’s bed on top of him and laughed only after Wonsik gawked, “Hyung!”

They set up the other bed beside Taekwoon’s, overlapping slightly at the edges. The darkness of the studio at night made it difficult for Wonsik to make out anything more than Taekwoon’s form in front of him. He wasn’t really sleepy though. He lied there as his eyes adjusted enough to notice Taekwoon looking back at him.

“Can I ask you something?” He whispered, remembering the time Taekwoon first woke him up in the dorm for advice.

“What?”

“What do your sisters do?” An odd question for the time, but Wonsik was serious.

Taekwoon appeared bewildered for a split second, but his lips moved as he responded. Slowly at first, but adding more detail as he moved from one sister to the next. Wonsik wasn’t really all that interested in the information, but he nodded and smiled along anyway as a different kind of warmth took over his body. Taekwoon was telling him about his life. He was sharing with him. Wonsik didn’t even think Taekwoon understood his intentions with a question like that. It didn’t really matter though. Wonsik was happy. Extremely happy. Taekwoon had even started explaining his father’s work without Wonsik even mentioning him.

He wanted to ask Taekwoon so many more questions, but he knew his limits. That was okay now, though. He was no longer worried. It seemed like they had all the time in the world.

 


	12. Awakening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title: Awakening  
> Rating: pg  
> Pairing: wontaek (not specified but i’m telling you it’s wontaek unless you want to let your imagination run wild)  
> Words: 507  
> Originally posted: 02/08/15
> 
> {“His body curls inward, arms closer to his face, blocking the sunlight in the process, and legs fold to conserve body heat. He’s not ready to accept his awakening.”}

His mind stirs once waves of movement shake his body awake. He keeps his eyes shut in hopes the bed will calm and sleep will be just as easy to slip back into. It’s morning, clearly, he can tell by the lighter shadows of his inner eyelids. The warm blankets cushioning him are pulled, slipping in the cool morning air to graze his skin. He’s becoming more aware of his surroundings. He’s waking up.  
  
There’s a small itch on his ankle, but he ignores it. Light taps of a phone screen are loud against his inner ear and the sound of one clearing their throat soon follows. His muscles begin to feel restless, arms and calves beg to be stretched, and he can’t shake this feeling out of his mind. His body curls inward, arms closer to his face, blocking the sunlight in the process, and legs fold to conserve body heat. He’s not ready to accept his awakening. 

He lies still for a few moments while allowing his breaths to steady and tenseness to dissipate. There’s a soft thump of an object against the nightstand that distracts him from the fuzzy images of sleep that had formed once again. The mattress jumps with movement and he can feel himself giving up. Maybe there really is no winning. 

A warm body leans against his back, slowly letting their weight settle atop, and an arm folds around his, allowing the other to pull his body securely beneath their own. He releases a soft groan, one that has the other man humming apologetically against his hair, but they remain still. Besides the added weight pushing down on his backside, the new heat against his skin is soothing where the sheets once were. 

Sleep becomes near impossible with so many distractions clouding his mind. There are warm breaths against his ear, legs tangling with his own, and a hand gently curling around his. And yet he feels calm. Their breathing synchronizes into slow, drawn out inhales and exhales and his fingers curls, managing to gently hook two with the other’s.

Minutes pass and nothing changes besides the fuzziness in his mind returning, not promoting sleep this time, but instead simply pure comfort. He now doesn’t want to wake up from this moment. He’s warm and relaxed within the other’s arms.

“Hyung,” a low voice whispers against his skin. “Hakyeon hyung will come banging on the door any minute now. He sent me a message to have us both up by 9 o’clock.” He pauses to swallow. “It’s 9:12 and my phone keeps glowing, but I can’t read anything from here.”

He remains silent, cursing at the name mentioned within his head, and tightening his grip on the other man’s fingers in response.

The weight shifts off him slowly, a hand carding gently through his hair as if for reassurance once all other contact is lost.

His legs stretch out as he rolls on his back in defeat.

And he opens his eyes.

“Good morning,” the younger smiles down at him.


	13. Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title: Time  
> Rating: nc-17  
> Pairing: wontaek  
> Words: 2615  
> Originally posted: 01/19/15
> 
> {“Then we’ll wait it out.” Taekwoon leans his body down, just grazing above the younger’s, making it easy to steal a quick kiss. “I told you… we’ve got plenty of time.”}

Taekwoon already has his mind set on how he wants the night to go. He approaches Wonsik in the morning. A soft nudge followed by a light peck on the cheek and a whisper reminding Wonsik they’ll be alone tonight. The younger responds with a quick nod and a helplessly large grin that only causes Taekwoon to lose his cool and drop his head. Time isn’t always on their side, but they work with it. Taekwoon has become especially good with approximating the minutes they have together. Tonight was going to be a big one.

The door shuts with a click behind Taekwoon as he fumbles into the room, dropping his bags and scarf onto the floor. Wonsik’s busy unzipping his large winter coat in a rush, tossing his gloves and wallet on his bed without much care. His cheeks are cold, fingers numb and shaken, breaths quick and unfulfilling, and Taekwoon gently grabs his wrist, stopping all movements immediately. His fingers cool to the touch.

“Wonsik, relax.”

“How much time do we have?” He appears concerned, worried even, when there is no reason to be. Wonsik hasn’t quite gotten used to sneaking a relationship even after so many months.

“Enough.” Taekwoon silences him with a sudden kiss. A deliberate one, where Taekwoon gives everything he’s got.

Wonsik’s body calms quickly, easily, it’s always the same. Nothing else matters to either of them at this point. Not the discarded winter apparel on the floor or the fact Taekwoon hasn’t removed his bulky jacket yet. They’ll get to those things eventually.

Taekwoon’s hand guides Wonsik by the back of his neck as their breaths mingle and lips fit together slowly, almost too calmly for what they are about to do. Taekwoon just wants Wonsik comfortable.

“Okay, I’m good,” Wonsik breathes slowly, pulling back with a smile. “I promise I’m good.”

“We have a lot of time today,” the elder returns with curved lips and arms wrapped around Wonsik’s neck.

Taekwoon drops his arms once Wonsik’s smile becomes soft and believable and turns away to finish removing his wintery clothes.

Wonsik’s tall figure stands beside the bed, waiting, but Taekwoon continues to take his time in order to make a point. He releases a silent laugh while folding the sweater he had just removed as Wonsik’s gawks out of the corner of his eye.

“Hyung…” It sounds sadder than Taekwoon had anticipated.

He turns to the younger again, ready to end this unnecessary anxiety once and for all. “Hakyeon, Hongbin, and Sanghyuk are filming some variety show that will take hours. They only got there not long ago. And Jaehwan is out filming his drama like he has been doing the past two weeks. We probably won’t see him until tomorrow. It’s just us here and it will continue to be for a while.”

He pauses when Wonsik’s face drops and his chest exhales fully. “I know. I saw the schedule.”

Taekwoon calmly steps closer, letting his hands softly grasp at Wonsik’s firm arms. He tilts his chin up to level himself with the taller, brushing their foreheads together before focusing his attention on the lips just an inch away.

“Let me—” He gasps in surprise against Wonsik’s hot mouth. And Wonsik’s kissing him like he had just answered all of his hopes and prayers. “—show you.” Taekwoon stammers back, breathless from the sudden intimacy.

“Okay,” Wonsik speaks as he crawls on the bed and motions the elder to follow with just a few waves of his hand.

Taekwoon obliges and joins him on the already messy bed, quick to playfully shove the younger over as payback for startling him earlier. Wonsik just laughs and rolls on his backside to smirk carelessly up at Taekwoon.

Taekwoon is ready to pounce, but the way Wonsik appears in front of him causes his stomach to flop. His faded grey top rides up against the ruffled sheets and hair now a mess is already a beautiful sight, but it’s the cute, innocent look on his face that sends Taekwoon’s blood rushing. He helplessly stares.

“Hyung, come here!” Wonsik’s already amused, but Taekwoon doesn’t listen this time around.

He’s off the bed again, storming out of the room without looking back. His heavy footsteps echo throughout the empty dorm as he rummages through one of his drawers in the other bedroom to grab a small lube bottle he has for moments like these.

Wonsik hasn’t moved much in the minute he was alone, but his eyes are now tracking Taekwoon’s every move once he returns and shuts the door. The elder doesn’t even give him time to say a snarky remark. He’s over him on the bed, grabbing one of the younger’s hands tightly and secure while the other slips down Wonsik’s loose pants.

“Whoa!” Wonsik jolts, probably expecting some sort of a more romantic form of foreplay, but Taekwoon already has other plans. He attempts sitting up, but is eased back down by Taekwoon’s weight pushing down on his arm.

“Let me do this,” comes out softer than Taekwoon anticipates and Wonsik nods before letting his head roll back against a pillow.

Taekwoon lazily pulls the younger’s pants and underwear only halfway down his thigh, not even waiting a moment before giving his cock a few raw strokes.

Wonsik eyes him curiously as Taekwoon pops the lube bottle open and lets a small amount coat his fingers. He wiggles his body in attempt to ride his pants down lower to expose more, but Taekwoon quickly stops him. That’s not where his fingers were going. Not yet.

“Hyung,” Wonsik whispers once the elder’s lubed hand easily pumps his cock at steady pace.

“Hm?”

Taekwoon knows what he’s thinking. He’s confused and at a loss. This isn’t their typical routine or anything even remotely close to it. But Taekwoon’s lips curve into a smile as he watches Wonsik try to hold back. He attempts to sit up again, free arm reaching for Taekwoon’s waist, but is stopped when the grip on his erection tightens in response.

He groans and Taekwoon releases a light laugh, one that has Wonsik immediately complying at. “Relax.”

He releases Wonsik’s hand to crawl over him, leaving soft kisses on his neck. Wonsik’s moaning rings like a pleasant tune that Taekwoon swears he can taste within their kisses. Body language says everything breathlessly and the air feels much more intimate than it did just minutes prior. Wonsik’s hand glides warmly over his back as he pushes the younger’s top up slightly to run his fingers over the defined muscles.

Taekwoon gently pushes back at Wonsik’s arm after his second attempt at getting to his belt. The younger’s cloudy, pleasure-filled eyes gaze silently as Taekwoon thumbs at the precum beading at his tip. The elder simply took that as another opportunity to kiss him for a distraction as his hand pumps even quicker and Wonsik’s fingers pull at the skin of his back.

“Taekwoon,” Wonsik pants in distress, “I’m not going to, ah… I’m not going to last much longer.”

“It’s okay.” Taekwoon leaves a soft kiss on his cheek.

“But hyung, you—”

“It’s okay,” he repeats against his burning skin. “Just come.”

Lewd, wet sounds erupt as Taekwoon pumps his swelled cock at an even faster speed, encouraging Wonsik to come the one way he knew the other couldn’t resist. Wonsik climaxes quickly, cum spilling over his abdomen and down the elder’s fingers as Taekwoon’s tongue swirls over a sensitive spot on his neck.

Wonsik grabs at Taekwoon’s hair, guiding his body down closer against him. He trembles against the mattress, letting out a rough groan once Taekwoon’s fingers slide off his cock and up his belly, spreading cum over his skin. His pulse is erratic against Taekwoon’s touch as he catches his breath to calm down from the aftershocks.

“What—what about you?” Wonsik asks, completely defeated.

“Mm,” Taekwoon moans softly, his nose pressed against Wonsik’s skin to take in the fresh, erotic scent.

“What?”

Taekwoon sits up quietly, not exactly ignoring Wonsik, just taking a moment to properly word his thoughts and grab some tissues.  Lidded eyes follow him as he cleans his fingers and crawls around Wonsik to pull the rest of his pants down and off his legs, fitting his way in between them.

“I can’t go again…” Wonsik tilts his head in slight confusion, all while unconsciously spreading his legs even more.

“Then we’ll wait it out.” Taekwoon leans his body down, just grazing above the younger’s, making it easy to steal a quick kiss. “I told you… we’ve got plenty of time.”

The atmosphere is different now. Touches are languid and slow, allowing Wonsik to shut his eyes easily without horrible thoughts taking away from the moment. Taekwoon’s hands are warm and gentle as they follow the curves of his body, relaxing his spent muscles, and raising his arms to fully slip his shirt off. His moans come easily against Taekwoon’s lips. Tongues glide against one another as his hands hold Taekwoon’s face close, hot breath mixing together so pleasantly that Wonsik can already feel his heartbeat picking up again after only six minutes.

Taekwoon pulls back and Wonsik immediately grasps gently at his wrist out of necessity. His gaze assures the younger he’s not going anywhere, and his free hand reaches around once again for the lube bottle. He places it down against Wonsik’s side, not quite ready to use it yet, and leans his body back above the other.

Wonsik smiles up softly when he finally is able to unbuckle Taekwoon’s belt and tug his jeans down as far as his position would allow. His fingers curl into the hair at the nape of Taekwoon’s neck and he palms against the elders still clothed erection.

Taekwoon’s lips part silently as he lolls his head against Wonsik’s hand for support. He leans his body down further, causing Wonsik to stop at the awkward angle of his wrist, and gently grinds against the younger. They both release short, low moans as Taekwoon continues, and Wonsik leads them into another heated kiss.

Eighteen minutes after his first orgasm, Wonsik is hard again. He rolls his hips with the movement of two of Taekwoon’s slick fingers stretching his hole.

Taekwoon has already removed his underwear and grabbed a condom from Wonsik’s stash in his sock drawer. He curls his fingers slowly, causing Wonsik to whimper and tremble beneath him, before pulling them out to inevitably add a third.

Taekwoon wants to keep going slowly, to tease Wonsik even more with the amount of time they still have to burn, but his own body is getting impatient. He pumps his cock at the same pace as his fingers work on Wonsik in order to keep some sanity.

“Hyung,” Wonsik whines almost breathlessly and Taekwoon is quick to remove his fingers, wipe them with a tissue, and rip open the condom wrapper.

Wonsik watches in amusement as the elder rushes to roll on the rubber and fiddle with the lube bottle for the final time. “What do you want me to do?”

“Just stay like that,” Taekwoon responds quickly as he leans over the bed to toss the wrapper and some tissues in the trash.

Wonsik scooches down to rest his head comfortably against the pillows and lifts his lower body up just enough for Taekwoon to guide his legs around his waist.

The hot air feels thick within their lungs as they stare at one another, making sure everything is alright. Wonsik nods with a soft smile when Taekwoons cock brushes against his inner thigh. And within a breath, Taekwoon slowly thrusts in, watching Wonsik’s eyes flutter shut and his chest sink with an exhale at the same pace. He holds his hips steady, letting his hand caress the younger’s cheek as he leans in to kiss his parted lips, nipping slightly at the bottom lip.  

Wonsik takes hold of the elder’s arms as Taekwoon begins to rock into him gently. Taekwoon’s soft, yet plentiful moans keep Wonsik staring and pulling him closer, arms wrapping around his neck. Normally they would flip over or switch positions, but Taekwoon decides to simply lift Wonsik’s legs up more, bending him almost in half, and continuing with their faces just inches apart.

They’re panting, glowing with the mix of pleasure and sweat, and Taekwoon knows he won’t be able to keep his rhythm up much longer. His hand quickly wraps around Wonsik’s erection, still slick from earlier, and pumps it at a similar speed. He picks up his pace, causing Wonsik to drop his arms and curl them close into himself. 

Wonsik’s groaning fills the small room. His mind spins, neck arched and exposed, with fingers now clutching into the loose ends of the pillow cases at the head of the bed. Taekwoon is moving much faster, lifting his legs even higher on his shoulders, and with such urgency that Wonsik helplessly withers into the hot sheets. The sound of skin slapping and heavy breathing are loud within his ears. He’s only burning. The overstimulation is one step away from being painful, but Taekwoon’s skilled fingers are pumping his cock so fast and irregularly that his body screams with intense pleasure.

He comes hard with a relieved sob, head falling back against the pillows while the waves of his orgasm surge through his every muscle. He almost doesn’t even notice Taekwoon slowing into an almost gentle pace, drawing out his own orgasm with a low, breathy moan that only aids in Wonsik’s temporary heavenly reality.

“Oh my god,” Wonsik manages to gasp out after a moment. “Taekwoon, that wa—”

Taekwoon cut him off quickly with a desperate kiss, one so hot and passionate that Wonsik loses his breath all over again. He shakily pulls back, letting Wonsik’s legs down so they could comfortably mold their fatigued bodies together.  

  
With legs tangled and arms holding one another close, they kiss tenderly until the air cools and Taekwoon tosses the condom before nuzzling his face into Wonsik’s collar.

“I came twice,” Wonsik reminds himself out loud while absentmindedly playing with the damp tips of Taekwoon’s hair.

“You did.”

“Hyung, that was amazing. Like… So good.” He stares up at the ceiling, still in awe.

“I’m glad,” Taekwoon exhales softly, shutting his eyes to rest against the younger’s warm skin.

A few more silent minutes pass and neither move their limp bodies.

“How much time do you think we have left?” Wonsik asks quietly, knowing Taekwoon calculates everything.

“Not enough for us to go again,” the elder responds simply.

“Hyung!” Wonsik laughs, not quite sure how to reply to that.

Taekwoon shows a satisfied smile. “Let’s shower soon just to be sure.”

“Huh, alright.”

Sixty-seven minutes after arriving home, Taekwoon rolls out of bed.  His steps are clumsy as he takes Wonsik’s trash can to dump all the evidence at the bottom of their larger garbage bag in the kitchen. He encourages Wonsik to shower and to leave the door open in hopes to mask the smell of sex with the fumes of his sporty body wash. They were getting down to the wire.

He showers soon after Wonsik’s out. They sit on the couch together, Taekwoon drying his hair with a towel and Wonsik playing some silly game on his phone.

Two minutes later, three members and their manager walk in. All appearing groggy and ready to be done for the day.

“Hey,” they all exchange.

Wonsik shoots a look at Taekwoon, eyebrow raised and lips pursed together. And Taekwoon simply flashes a small smirk before laying his head down against the back of the couch.


	14. Talk To Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title: Talk To Me  
> Rating: nc-17  
> Pairing: wontaek  
> Words: 2475  
> Originally posted: 11/09/14
> 
> {“Talk to me. If I ask a question, respond. I don’t care if it’s with words or noises or body movements or whatever. We need to openly communicate somehow.”}

Wonsik’s weight is heavy on Taekwoon’s shoulders, fingers resting still on the thin material of his shirt.

“Hyung,” Wonsik breaths against his neck before simply resting his chin on Taekwoon’s shoulder, “can we?”

Taekwoon leans against the younger within their close embrace, fingers curling slightly against Wonsik’s back. He hasn’t responded yet, so Wonsik stills comfortably while breathing calmly against his skin. He has always been patient.

Taekwoon takes in the warmth by shut his eyes and relaxing his muscles. It has been a long day, a good one, but long. He’s tired, but Wonsik feels nice. He considers all other events that he had planned could happen, but none really stand out as important.

“Okay.”

Wonsik hums against his hair before tilting into a soft kiss. Slow, yet short lasting; Wonsik has never been one to rush things. Their faces are close and he’s smiling. Taekwoon can already feel his heart rate picking up. Wonsik showing his happiness does that to him. It’s probably his favorite way to see the younger. So he kisses Wonsik this time, hand winding around his neck to bring the taller boy closer to his level. Wonsik’s holding his face, hands gently gliding down, leaving a warn sensation even through the clothes on his shoulders.

He likes doing intimate things with Wonsik. They’re easy. He never has to think too much because Wonsik does it all for him. Although, Wonsik does one rule he is very strict on.

_“Talk to me. If I ask a question, respond. I don’t care if it’s with words or noises or body movements or whatever. We need to openly communicate somehow.”_

Wonsik has stopped before when Taekwoon froze up and stopped responding. However, Taekwoon is much better at relaxing when with Wonsik than he used to be. There is a comfort level he has with Wonsik has only grown with time. His questions are simple, straight forward, and dauntless.

“How do you want to do this?” Wonsik nearly whispers into Taekwoon’s neck while his fingers travel across the elder’s scalp soothingly.

Their movements stop besides the slight side to side swaying of their bodies. Nothing more is going to happen until Taekwoon speaks. His muscles tense for a moment as a reflex, lungs unintentionally holding his breath. Wonsik leans his chin against Taekwoon’s shoulder once more while waiting to feel him finally exhale, relax. He has long memorized this pattern.

“You can do it,” Taekwoon softly responds, and Wonsik doesn’t need any other words to know what he means.

“Okay.”

It’s funny to Taekwoon when he thinks back at how he reacts to Wonsik. In the moment, though, there’s not much thinking taking place. Wonsik seems to know Taekwoon’s body better than he does himself. It gets overwhelming at times. His back against the mattress, Wonsik directly above him, touching him, kissing him, grinding against him, stimulating so many of his senses at once that everything becomes hazy. His breathing gets too rapid, heartbeat loud and overwhelming in his ears, that he has to grab Wonsik’s wrist tightly, and gasp out a quick “wait, wait,” when he can only handle so much. Wonsik stills.

“What’s wrong?” Wonsik picks his head up to gaze at the other with concern. The worried expression he carries makes him appear young and flustered. Taekwoon smiles though his open-mouth breathing at the sight.

“Slow down.”

Wonsik can’t help it sometimes. It has been a long time since Taekwoon has let him lead. He normally doesn’t mind either way, but switching things up in bed is always fun for him. He likes sex no matter what or how. Taekwoon is often a challenge, though. He doesn’t get turned on nearly as quickly as Wonsik does. There’s a lot of work that goes into making Taekwoon relax, unravel, and tremble in pleasure. And Wonsik is always ready to take on that challenge.

Taekwoon slips his shirt off to relieve some heat. His eyes are wide when he sends the younger a small nod to continue. Wonsik’s fingers are quickly wandering his freshly exposed skin, but he limits himself to one thing at a time for now. Taekwoon doesn’t seem to have much reaction, but Wonsik likes touching him. Taekwoon has a great body, and as much as Wonsik loves to be able to touch him and make him quiver and moan, he still gets jealous when he compares them physically. But right now he’s staring at Taekwoon’s ruffled hair, parted lips, and the curves of his toned muscles as he lifts his torso up with his forearms.

“Hyung, you’re so attractive.”

Taekwoon thinks Wonsik talks too much sometimes. He scoffs with a hint of a smile before lolling his head down. It wasn’t a question. He doesn’t plan on responding.

The younger is off the bed, walking around the room while he unbuttons his dress shirt, cuffs first followed by the collar. Taekwoon watches him drop the shirt on the floor and dig through a drawer to get a condom. The lube is actually hidden in the bedframe, so Taekwoon rolls over to reach for it between the sheets.

Wonsik laughs for an unknown reason to Taekwoon. “Hyung, come here.”

He’s back on the bed, taking the lube from Taekwoon’s hand and placing it in the rolls of pushes back sheets. He gestures the elder even closer until he is able to grasp his hips. Taekwoon holds onto Wonsik’s shoulders as the younger works on unbuttoning his pants. Hands warm to the touch, and Taekwoon shuts his eyes for a moment.

He makes a small noise when Wonsik’s fingers are softly folding around his soft cock. He pumps it slowly and Taekwoon dips his head down atop Wonsik’s in response.

“Okay?” Wonsik asks in a gentle tone.

“Yeah,” Taekwoon murmurs with a slightly shaky voice.

Wonsik’s laughing softly, and again, Taekwoon doesn’t understand the reason. Then again he’s not really thinking much when lips teasingly kiss his tip. He tugs at Wonsik’s dark hair.

Taekwoon sits back on the bed enough to fully kick off the remainder of his clothes. Wonsik does the same, and to really no surprise, reveals he’s already fully hard. Taekwoon wonders if he should touch him, but Wonsik’s already uncapping the lube bottle so he remains still.

He’s told to lie down again and he follows Wonsik’s directions silently. They kiss again. Sloppier than their first few but just as sweet to the taste. Wonsik’s leaning over him, circling a lubed finger against his entrance. Taekwoon can feel his body anticipating what is to come. The younger’s skin is so warm against his that he gasps between their kisses. He feels a finger slide inside him and he bites at his lip to control whatever noises that might come out. They’re staring at one another. Wonsik’s eyes are dark and dilated, but Taekwoon doesn’t look away.  He’s thrusting his finger in and out at a faster pace, twisting, curving it inside Taekwoon.

“Good?” Taekwoon wishes Wonsik would shut up.

He parts his lips to respond, but only a moan escapes. Immediately he tenses in embarrassment, face quickly heating up, but Wonsik smiles into another kiss and Taekwoon forgets all about it.

Wonsik’s always slow and thorough when it comes to preparation. Taekwoon never complains. He likes it. Likes it a lot. He likes the way Wonsik is careful. The way he makes it so easy for Taekwoon to unwind and empty his thoughts. The way his free hand runs up and down his inner thighs.

By the time Wonsik’s using three fingers, they’re on their sides and Taekwoon is leaning his back against the younger’s chest. Wonsik likes this position so he can see and feel Taekwoon’s every movement. His knees bend, toes curl, neck extends, and Wonsik has an arm around him and his chin rests on the elder’s shoulder to make sure he also hears every lovely noise Taekwoon can possibly create. Taekwoon likes it because he thinks Wonsik can’t see his face (he’s very wrong though).

His mind is completely fuzzy. His fingers are sweating as he’s curling them into the sheets. Wonsik’s humming into his ear as he licks at his skin. He’s hot. He’s so hot that he doesn’t know how much longer he can take it when Wonsik’s fingers are pressing against his sweet spot over and over again.

“Wonsik.” His breathing is so heavy. “Wonsik.”

“Hmm?”

“ _Wonsik, please_.”

Wonsik will never admit that’s the sexiest thing he has ever heard spill from Taekwoon’s mouth. He quickly withdraws his fingers and Taekwoon’s body slumps against his. Brushing the elder’s fringe back, he leaves small kisses down his jaw. His attempt to soothe Taekwoon is broken when he notices the elder silently, impatiently, pumping his own cock.

“You need to tell me if I’m going too slowly,” he is serious for a moment, but the glare Taekwoon sends him only causes the corners his lips to curve upwards.    

He crawls to the opposite side of the bed to get a tissue and where the condom he had taken out earlier is. After cleaning his hand the best a single tissue could, he rolls the rubber on and takes the lube bottle back.

“Hey.” Wonsik replaces Taekwoon’s hand on his cock and strokes it at an easy pace. Part of him wants to be annoyed by the elder’s actions, but he just can’t bring himself to feel that way when he watches Taekwoon’s eyes flutter shut at the touch. “Grab that pillow behind you.”

He lodges the pillow between the bed and Taekwoon’s lower back for leverage and folds the elder’s legs so he can squirm between them. The lube cap clicks and he tosses it back on the bed.

“Ready?” Wonsik’s smile is soft, and their faces are so close that Taekwoon gives him a quick kiss before easily mouthing a ‘yes’.

He slow, careful, using one hand to keep himself properly aligned and the other securely on Taekwoon’s hip. Taekwoon’s face scrunches for a split second, but quickly relaxes following Wonsik touching him and whispers of various comforting words ring in his ears.

It doesn’t take long until Wonsik’s pace picks up. Taekwoon’s making more beautiful noises than he could even try to control. Wonsik bends his body even farther back to feel closer and Taekwoon grabs his hand, fingers immediately lace against the sheets.  They kiss in between thrusts and Taekwoon can only respond to less than half. He rolls his hips to match Wonsik’s fast pace.

Wonsik’s sweating causes his face to glow and his hair to stick against his skin. He’s mumbling things into Taekwoon’s collar, but he can’t quite make out anything. The adrenaline within his veins begins to feel overwhelming again. He doesn’t want this to end yet.

“Wonsik,” he gasps out while pushing on the younger’s arms.

Wonsik stumbles back against the mattress. His face is flushed with eyebrows high as if Taekwoon stopping him has taken him by surprise.

But Taekwoon is over him quickly, gently sitting on upon Wonsik’s lap. Even though Wonsik is the taller of the two, in this position Taekwoon is able to tilt the younger’s chin up, kissing him into an array of low moans.

Taekwoon’s body curves as Wonsik’s hand makes its way down his back. Holding onto Wonsik’s sturdy shoulders, Taekwoon lifts himself just enough for Wonsik to align his cock back against Taekwoon’s hole.

“I love you so much,” Wonsik utters breathlessly as Taekwoon lowers himself.

The words come to no surprise to Taekwoon; he’s heard them before. But he smiles softly and Wonsik returns the expression nearly instantly, eyes gleaming, as if he couldn’t have asked for a better response.

“Can I…” Taekwoon rolls his hips once as to add actions to the remainder of his question.

“Yes, yes. Don’t even ask.”

With one hand behind him on the bed for the support and the other on Taekwoon’s hip, Wonsik lets Taekwoon set the pace. It’s a steady one. Not too fast, but enough to ensure that the two of them won’t last much longer.

Taekwoon’s breath is already rough and he’s beginning to lose his rhythm. He glances down at the younger’s half-lidded eyes and guides his hand to his neglected cock.

Wonsik begins to thrust his hips with Taekwoon’s fast movements. His stroking on Taekwoon get sloppy, but it only encourages the elder to go faster. Watching Wonsik melt is one of his favorite things.

Wonsik’s grunts fill the room and Taekwoon feels his every tremble. The pads of his fingers pull against Taekwoon’s skin. And he comes. His matching thrusts slowing as Taekwoon continues to ride out the younger’s orgasm as much as he can. Wonsik’s panting, skin illuminated, and absolutely stunning to Taekwoon’s eyes.

“Hey,” he whispers after a moment to bring Wonsik back to reality.

Thankfully he’s quick with putting the pieces of his mind back together. Taekwoon blinks as he’s being guided back against the mattress like when they had first started. Wonsik’s kissing him. So hard and passionately that Taekwoon’s arms curl around his neck in desperate need for support. Wonsik’s pumping his cock so fast that Taekwoon’s gasping into each kiss and arching his body up closer and closer against the other. His head is spinning as the heat becomes unbearable. The tip of Wonsik’s tongue trails up his neck and with just a few more quick pumps, Taekwoon loses it. His grip on the younger tightens and Wonsik is quick to pepper the corner of his lips with kisses as his moans die down into rough pants.

His arms release Wonsik, making a thump on the bed with their impact. He rests his eyes for a moment; only opening them when Wonsik begins chuckling.

Cum drips off Wonsik’s fingers and Taekwoon sits up to get a good look at the two of them.

“How do you feel?” Wonsik questions in a soft tone while reaching for a handful of tissues.

 “Good,” he exhales with a slight curve to his lips. He feels light, giddy even, and he’s glad he agreed in the first place. But instantly regretful at how quickly he sat up.

“Mmm, good,” Wonsik hums while handing him some scrunched tissues. “Same.”

Wonsik does most of the cleaning, but Taekwoon still follows him around. They wash up quickly, putting on pajamas, and get back into bed. Facing one another, they discuss their schedule for the following day, and Wonsik passes out within minutes of their silence. Taekwoon watches Wonsik’s chest rise and fall with easy breaths. Their bodies aren’t touching, but they’re close enough to feel one another’s warmth.

His body feels exhausted, but he’s comfortable. Maybe it’s the sheets or pillows, maybe it’s because his body still tingles from earlier, or maybe it’s because Wonsik’s beside him. Either way, sleep comes easily.


	15. Of Hugs And Stuff

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title: Of Hugs And Stuff  
> Rating: pg  
> Pairing: wontaek  
> Words: 775  
> Originally posted: 09/02/14
> 
> {Hakyeon’s staring at him. Eyes large and curious, fingers jittery against his thighs, like he’s thinking about how he could word his sentences properly in order to not make things awkward. But to Taekwoon, they already are.}

It has only been two days since Hakyeon found out about their… Something. Taekwoon doesn’t know what to call it nor does he know how to explain it. Hakyeon’s staring at him. Eyes large and curious, fingers jittery against his thighs, like he’s thinking about how he could word his sentences properly in order to not make things awkward. But to Taekwoon, they already are.

The waiting room isn’t exactly quiet, but he has his eyes shut as is he’s trying to block whatever he can out. There was quite a bit of commotion within their small backstage area. Jaehwan’s humming a soft tune from across the room and, for a moment, it takes him away from the tightness of the dress shirt on his shoulders and the uncomfortable ring around his index finger that he knows is going to be a pain to remove after the performance. Hair dryers whirl and products fill the room with pleasant perfumes. He feels Hakyeon shift beside him on the couch.

“Hey,” his fingers gently grasp at Taekwoon’s arm, “so what’s your favorite thing to do together?”

It is an innocent question. All of Hakyeon’s questions have been innocent thus far.

_“When did this start?”_

_“How serious are you two?”_

_“Are you happy like this?”_

All he wants are answers to help him understand the situation. Taekwoon just isn’t ready to answer.

He thinks about how Wonsik would respond, saying something silly or maybe heartfelt, like kissing or laughing together or having sex. Maybe he already has answered. Wonsik has never especially been good with secrets, but it really was not his fault Hakyeon had noticed the two of them acting differently. And it isn’t like they are dating or anything—or at least he doesn’t think they are. He just likes Wonsik a lot. Sometimes. More than often.

He’s sure Hakyeon gets more information from Wonsik out of these questions.

Hakyeon’s soft smile hasn’t faltered yet, but Hongbin and Wonsik entering the room cause both to glance away. Hongbin waves his hand momentarily and Wonsik is pulled into a chair by one of the makeup artists so fast that Taekwoon never makes eye contact.

“Are you going to tell me?” Hakyeon basically whispers, causing Taekwoon to release a heavy sigh. He doesn’t say anything though. Some time passes, the grip on his skin disappears, and eventually he feels the couch slowly bounce up with air when the leader’s weight had left it.

About five minutes after Hakyeon left he thinks of an answer. Not that he would have told him or anything, but the question was lingering on his mind.

He likes hugging Wonsik the most. Front hugs, to be exact. Wonsik doesn’t normally initiate them, but Taekwoon has already mastered the best routes his arms should take in order to hold Wonsik’s back and gently pull at his neck until they’re together. The embrace is always warm and comforting and Taekwoon can easily lean all of his weight on the other, knowing he will be held. Their bodies close, heads resting on one another’s shoulders, and Wonsik’s hand usually runs up and down his back soothingly.

Wonsik can’t ever see his expression and it only eases his mind more. His breaths come easily when he’s feeling the other’s silent strength and support against him. And he’s always the one to pull Wonsik closer, tighter against himself, depending on how badly he wants the embrace. Other times Wonsik will lean on him more, just as quietly, while simply pressing his nose into Taekwoon’s neck and entwining his fingers behind his back. They can remain still for two, maybe three, minutes, but Taekwoon doesn’t count. Any longer and Wonsik may start to sway. Taekwoon will feel him laughing softly, but he’ll be able to hide his own smile in the other’s shoulder while knocking his fist against Wonsik’s back until he stops.

No questions are asked until they pull back. Wonsik used to ask ‘what’s wrong?’ or ‘are you okay?’ during the hug and Taekwoon would simply groan or tell him to be quiet. Wonsik got the hint eventually.

He could not even begin to try and put how calming and intimate he feels their hugs are into words. Let alone ever admit it out loud.

Jaehwan’s singing again and his eyes blink open to see the other singer flipping through a magazine in the corner, and the rest of the members similarly just waiting around. Hakyeon’s seated beside Wonsik.

He scratches at his head, causing his stylist across the room to send a quick glare before reaching for a thin comb. And he shut his eyes again.


	16. Then And Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title: Then And Now  
> Rating: nc-17 (but really just fluff)  
> Pairing: wontaek  
> Words: 1132  
> Originally posted: 07/17/14
> 
> {Sometimes Wonsik thinks he could just breakdown and cry when they share moments like these. He has habits of becoming overly emotional when Taekwoon’s intimacy far surpasses anything he could have ever dreamed of. But he’s pretty good at holding it in within his presence.}

He hasn’t even gotten a minute to collect himself. Heartbeat erratic in his ears, cum pooled on his abdomen, breaths quick, and the air just as hot. Taekwoon doesn’t even remove the condom before he’s over Wonsik again. Their eyes meet and Wonsik’s vision is still somewhat blurry as the last few waves of his orgasm tingle through his spine. His body feels limp, exhausted from the amount of energy he had just burned through, and he knows Taekwoon must feel the same by the way his frame slumps even with an arm supporting him.  

Gently, though, warm fingers guide themselves to caress Wonsik’s face, some curling around his cheek, others brushing into his light hair. He hears Taekwoon’s heavy breath for a moment before his head is being curved into a slow kiss. Smooth and sensual, filled with all of their remaining energy and emotions. Taekwoon’s breath is warm and familiar and Wonsik sighs as the older pauses, tilting the opposite way, only to connect their lips once again. Wonsik’s hands glide over Taekwoon’s back, clutching at his shoulders to hold him even a little bit closer. Their tongues meet momentarily, grazing against one another, and Wonsik shuts his eyes from the feeling of soft strands of Taekwoon’s hair brushing over his skin.

Sometimes it can be a bit overwhelming. Taekwoon kissing him at such a vulnerable moment. Slowly and precise, gasping for air but only being able to take in Taekwoon’s hot breath during their short breaks. Delicate fingers drag against his skin and he can only whimper and moan and exhale against Taekwoon’s smooth lips. He’s not able to cool down, Taekwoon drops to his forearms above him, skin against skin, and Wonsik can do nothing except respond to every kiss and every movement.

He loves these times more than anything. The air calms as there is no longer a rush to get off, to get their high, and they can move slowly within their afterglow. Wonsik peeks an eye mid-kiss only to witness what he has come to expect; what he has come to love. Taekwoon’s lidded eyes, eyelashes short, yet beautiful, casting shadows down his skin, and a breathtaking flush of color that still had not faded from his face. Their noses brush softly as Taekwoon breaks to nip gently a few times at his bottom lip and Wonsik can only smile as he looks up at Taekwoon, fingers messily entwining on his own cheek. Taekwoon doesn’t say anything before their lips meet again. A long, languid kiss, followed by another, and another, and another. There’s a quiet moan that escapes with the older’s breath before his head falls further, trailing light pecks along Wonsik’s jaw and down the shadows of his neck. His lips begin to feel lighter and lighter until he finally stops and lets his weight slowly settle atop the other. Wonsik holds him within his arms, fingers curling into the dark hairs at the nape of his neck.

Finally overtaken by the exhaustion, Taekwoon rolls off Wonsik to lean against his side, gently nuzzling his face against the younger’s shoulder. And they stay there, resting, breathing, with small, lingering touches that mean more to Wonsik than he will ever be able to explain.

Sometimes Wonsik thinks he could just breakdown and cry when they share moments like these. He has habits of becoming overly emotional when Taekwoon’s intimacy far surpasses anything he could have ever dreamed of. But he’s pretty good at holding it in within his presence.

During these times he often remembers past relationships and how much he tried with them. Just how much effort and love he put forth, how much he wanted to feel intense feelings back, and was never able to achieve them. Not one of his past relationships could compare to what he has now. Taekwoon sure is a lot different. Quiet, doesn’t share too much, but Wonsik understands him well enough to know he has many different ways of expressing himself.

And Wonsik has never felt more loved. 

A breezy detergent scent from a pillow case lingers as he snaps back into reality once Taekwoon has shifted in order to reach over him for the tissue box on the nightstand. Calm breaths escape him as Taekwoon softly cleans off his abdomen and excess lube which had dripped down his inner thigh. He whispers a quiet ‘thank you’ as he lifts his body to rearrange himself upright by Taekwoon’s side.

Tugging slightly on the older’s arm, they gaze at one other again and Wonsik can’t help himself. Just as gentle as Taekwoon’s had been the last ten minutes, Wonsik kisses him slowly. Holding it for a few moments, allowing the sweet taste to linger and for Taekwoon to release a moan so light he can feel the sensation through his lips.

Taekwoon’s expression is soft when they break and Wonsik can’t help but find it endearing. He’s smiling again and Taekwoon scoffs slightly with a short lasting smirk (probably while thinking about how cheesy Wonsik can be) as he presses his bare feet to the warm floor.

“Are you going to wash up?” Wonsik asks while letting his grasp break as the older exhaustedly sways across the room.

“Tomorrow,” is the only response heard as he watches Taekwoon toss the condom and a few tissues in the trash, and reach for whatever underwear he could find without moving too much.

There are clothes from the past week covering the floor, but Wonsik kicks through the mess on his way to the bathroom. He scrubs his hands and face quickly, a small shiver spreading through his body from the chill of the cold water.  He wants to get back in bed.

After slipping into a pair of boxers from a clean laundry pile, he returns to Taekwoon already in their small bed, facing the wall, with a pillow tucked comfortably between his arms. He follows by easily sliding under the warm covers while looking up at the ceiling fan Taekwoon must have turned on while he was gone.

“Sleeping already?”

“Mm.” Which Wonsik already knew meant yes and no simultaneously.

Taekwoon’s back moves up and down with every breath and Wonsik’s half lidded eyes follow his subtle motions. The fan whirls, blowing against the messy black hair within his view, and the rest of the room remains quiet and still.

Wonsik thinks again at how lucky he is. At how in the morning everything will be the same. Whoever wakes up first will make coffee and they will sit with the sunrise shining through the windows that overlook the city. They’ll talk and laugh and he’ll kiss Taekwoon until the caffeine kicks in and he’s batted off. And another day will begin.

He smiles at the thought.


End file.
